Paris Hilton’s CD is a flop

August 29th, 2006 // 105 Comments
paris_hilton_flop.jpg

Just in case you completely lost faith in humanity, Paris Hilton’s album Paris is reportedly a raging flop. So far it’s sold only 75,000 copies in its first week compared to Christina Aguilera’s 320,000, and projected sales for next week are 30,000 – which is a larger than normal second week drop.

“The international outlook is not much better for her,” one industry source told Page Six. “The international people are not inclined to do a big push since she can’t back up the album with a tour. Obviously, she can’t sing live.” The source added that Hilton was advised a year ago to train her voice, work with choreographers and learn an instrument to prepare for a limited tour, but “obviously she didn’t listen.” Hilton’s rep, Elliot Mintz, said, “To me, [the album] sounds huge. For a newcomer, this is incredibly impressive.”

I’m glad Paris Hilton’s CD is failing, but 75,000 still seems like 74,996 sales too many. This isn’t like Joey Fatone releasing a solo album because at least he’s technically a singer. This is Paris Hilton we’re talking about. Paris Hilton. My butcher is more qualified to record an album than she is. And he was born without a mouth.

superficial

  1. How long before the spin kicks into overdrive? Before she’s spouting off comparable numbers in interviews, comparing her first album sales to other artists (neglecting that they had zero recognition or promotion). Then, when that fails, blaming people like us – the Internet – for spreading malicious lies about her that doomed the disc from day one. Why doesn’t daddy just bail her out and buy up 200,000 copies? They can pipe it into the Hilton’s hotel bathrooms as music to shit by.

  2. sirap

    We need to support p.h. on this one. Go buy a CD. If she sells a few more, maybe she will be convinced she can sign live (SNL???).

    That is when all the fun will begin.

  3. This just in…

    Nicole Richie is anorexic. Lindsay Lohan has an ugly body. Paris Hilton has no talent.

    Wow. “Hi, Day Old News? Yeah, I’d like to cancel Superfish’s subscription. He’ll now be going with ‘Behind the Times’”

  4. bigponie

    I’m tempted to buy her CD, drop a big fat turd on it and Fedex it back to her, maybe then she’ll get the hint.

  5. beesknees

    So torn between #20 and #52. Both outstanding ideas. Stupid slut.

  6. demographics show those dumb enough to buy her cd were 10-12 year old girls

    http://wampoon.com/

  7. knowhere

    the thought of her putting on a brave face for the media and then going home to her room(s) to sob into her pillow warms my heart in a strange, brilliant way.

  8. jrzmommy

    She’s constantly posing. Her and Anna Nicole Smith and Airforce Amy are always doing these bizarre gesticulations and poses. They’re like weird fembots programmed to just pose instead of moving normally.

  9. Anonymous

    That photo above is NOT a photo of Paris Hilton. Look at it. Paris has a parrot beak for a nose and no upper lip.

  10. LL

    # 26 – OMG, what a good idea. I had some crap already stowed away for bad gift occasions, but Paris’ CD beats them all. $2.99 is the upper end of what I’d be willing to pay. Guess it’s off to the bargain bin at CD Warehouse for me.

  11. I plan on stuffing stockings with Paris’ failed CD and Britney Spears’ coffee table book, “Stages.” You can find her book at dollar stores everywhere, and as make-shift pillows under the heads of homeless drunks on Madison Avenue. GAG gift, indeed.

  12. BoardBetty

    Without Paris Hilton and the people who brought us the Pickled Person what would we get for White Elephant parties?

  13. vainandlovingit

    and somewhere baby Jesus is crying….

  14. BarbadoSlim

    As a famous pussy connoisseur once said: “lady, I’ve plowed Christina Aguilera, I’ve beeen fellated by Christina Aguilera, and I’ve heard Christina Aguilera. You, Miss Hilton, are no Christina Aguilera.”

  15. stevejuststeve

    Paris Hilton’s album a flop? All is right with the world.

  16. biatcho

    can someone please tell me why the Superficial is constantly on PST? This never used to be… I am sick of waiting until the end of my work day for a fucking new story. This dumb ass post has been up since Noon EST. Ridiculous… at least give me the picture of Tracey Gold from the Emmy’s the other night… she should really go back to binging & purging, at least she had an excuse for looking all sorts of ugly back then.

  17. ToiletDuck

    Dirty Slut…

    I heard Valtrex is sponsoring her next tour -

  18. juice_up

    @#67

    Funny ass shit! LOL

  19. Ok, to put her sales in perpective. William Hung’s CD sold around 40,000 it’s first week. Yeah, thats Right, William Hung the loser joke from American Idol Try-outs was in the same ballpark in sales numbers as Paris Hilton. LOL!!!!!!

    I wonder if her CD cases are sealed with Herpes Puss?

  20. yuckyfresh

    duh.

  21. I’d love to post, but I’ve had to take a shit like all day and I’m totally ‘crowning’ and if I don’t shit soon I may die.

  22. bigponie

    hopeless,

    if you refer to comment #51 it may help you shit

  23. Fugurself

    75,000 copies. I hope her folks bought them all! Or we have to cull 75,000 people from the herd.

  24. Sorry to here about your butcher Superfish guy.

  25. in fairness…your butcher hasn’t handled nearly as much meat as paris hilton…

  26. ToiletDuck

    Now if she could just sing with a penis down her throat, THAT is one CD I would definitely buy…she could do a Christmas album, and “sing Fa, La, La, La,” with a dick all the way down her gullet…sweeeet…

  27. Dory

    This comes as noooooooooo surprise. #38- you are a champion

  28. carrie bradshaw

    She suffers from K-Federlinecuntitness, whereupon one is completely delusional in the belief that they have talent and the public actually gives a crap.

  29. PunjabPete

    Flop #1 complete….

    Now time for some K-Fed numbers….
    Can’t wait for the release just to see the asswipe bomb….

  30. gossipmonger

    The way I figure it, somewhere out there, on a website, is her promise to give blow jobs to anyone who buys her CD.. So far 75000 REALLY depraved people have responded… Prob more out of curiosity as to if she’s gotten any better from her “1 night in Paris” days…

  31. Scig

    God help us if she tours and K-Fuk is one of her back up dancers. Do you think if she does the splits she’ll stick to the floor?

    Hmmm the thought just revolts me….

  32. @77 It’s all ready been done. The name of the album is called, “Buuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaag, The Christmas Album vol. III”

  33. ghost_rider

    you know she bought up like 74,999 of those

  34. Bellisima

    William Hung sold more than Paris Hilton LOL! She should stick to her underwear and forget about her music “career”!

  35. maiira

    Hah! So there IS a God!

    “Obviously, she can’t sing live.” Sheer brilliance.

  36. Lolita

    I like Paris Hilton.

    Her music, not so much.

    BUT not much should have been expected from her record. She did have to open her OWN record label to release it afterall.

  37. Shouldn’t this read “Paris Hilton’s Pussy is Floppy, Don’t Trip on it Kid’s”

  38. Shouldn’t this read “Paris Hilton’s Pussy is Floppy, Don’t Trip on it Kid’s”

  39. FUCK! Double POST!!!

  40. happy_bunny

    Elijah Blue Allman’s got to be severely brain damaged AND masochistic if he actually put Tilex on Elijah Jr.
    That or he’s prone to exaggeration.
    What would be really awesome is if he’d prompted some exceptionally stupid kids to try that on themselves and gotten his ass sued off for it.

  41. That’s funny, my butcher was born without a mouth too and he sings a lot! He plays in a band with my tailor, blacksmith and shoe repairman.

  42. jennyliz

    HAHA…her album only sold 75,000 copies because her daddy probably bought them all…spoiled little rich girl!

    Well, actually…now that I think about it, not all…he only bought the first 70,000.

    The other 5,000 were bought by all the guys she has banged.

  43. Dirt McGirt

    Oh, Bollocks, and don’t even TRY to compare her to Joey Fat-One. In my country, the United States of America, he is a GOD. More like THE GOD. Well, even though her CD was a flop, she still has herpes, the gift that keeps giving!

  44. Just goes to show that whilst stars might indeed be blind, the general public are not deaf. Apart from those who bought the album.

    Still, 75,000 people with more money than sense is actually fewer than I thought existed globally. Oh happy day.

  45. I think Ms. Hilton needs to take a break. She “singlehandely” developed two frangrances (that are frankly nothing special,) she was on a reality show that possessed some of the worst acting I’ve ever seen (especially in the season finale,) and now put out this album that sounds like something Radio Disney would put out.

    She needs to stay home, truly keep her legs closed for a whole year and actually do something worthwhile instead of posing while having the expression of a corpse.

  46. pgoric

    I don’t know if someone else already mentioned this, but a sale of 75,000 records is not a sale to 75,000 people. It’s presale to record stores.

    What this shows is record stores were not very willing to buy the record.

    Actually, it says the same about Christina Aguillera’s record sales, (i.e. that 320,000 reflects preorders from record stores) but whose records are we more likely to see in the bargain bin next year?

  47. LOL @ poster #3.

    Maybe Paris and K-Fed could put something together. It would sell just to see how bad they did.

  48. wedgeone

    What’s even more tragic about this whole situation is that club DJ’s are leading the charge for her record sales:

    http://billboard.com/bbcom/retrieve_chart_history.do?model.vnuArtistId=699848&model.vnuAlbumId=788893

    She must have promised oral to every club DJ in NYC for playing her music. She’s flexible enough to fit under the booth, right? She’s like that whore in the podium from the movie Police Academy.

    REAL musicians in NYC and LA who are waiting tables because they can’t get their break are currently jumping off of bridges like lemmings because of her album. History will remember her like Jim Jones for causing mass suicide.

    BTW – #54 – I laughed so hard to your post that I almost got sent home from work.

  49. peopleRweird

    Stars are blind and appearently tone deaf same thing goes for the people that think she’s hot and/or that that whore can sing well.there is a sped up version of Stars on youtube.it makes it less painful and WAY more funny to listen to,in this version you’re ears don’t bleed when you listen.here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Oa1yvgo47U

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