Paris Hilton’s CD is a flop

August 29th, 2006 // 105 Comments
paris_hilton_flop.jpg

Just in case you completely lost faith in humanity, Paris Hilton’s album Paris is reportedly a raging flop. So far it’s sold only 75,000 copies in its first week compared to Christina Aguilera’s 320,000, and projected sales for next week are 30,000 – which is a larger than normal second week drop.

“The international outlook is not much better for her,” one industry source told Page Six. “The international people are not inclined to do a big push since she can’t back up the album with a tour. Obviously, she can’t sing live.” The source added that Hilton was advised a year ago to train her voice, work with choreographers and learn an instrument to prepare for a limited tour, but “obviously she didn’t listen.” Hilton’s rep, Elliot Mintz, said, “To me, [the album] sounds huge. For a newcomer, this is incredibly impressive.”

I’m glad Paris Hilton’s CD is failing, but 75,000 still seems like 74,996 sales too many. This isn’t like Joey Fatone releasing a solo album because at least he’s technically a singer. This is Paris Hilton we’re talking about. Paris Hilton. My butcher is more qualified to record an album than she is. And he was born without a mouth.

superficial

  1. Nik

    Did we REALLY expect anything different? I think not.

  2. dupababy

    hmmm… wonder how she’s going to continue to “keep” herself in the upscale manner in which she’s accustomed herself with these measly numbers… since we all know that she’s worked hard to pay for her lifestyle all on her own.. without momslut and daddycracker.. yeah right.. with this kind of financial solvency she might need to turn to the pages of “ask the stingy bitches”..

    http://www.stingybitches.com/stingy%20advice.html

  3. kenzier

    I didn’t know there were 75,000 music critics in America.

  4. juice_up

    This bitch’s album is hot fire! I put it next to Dark Side of the Moon, Zeppelin IV, and OK Computer.

  5. Danner

    Maybe Paris and Federline should try a duo album.

    *snicker*

  6. Tribal

    Hahahahah SURPRISE.

  7. I’m just FLOORED at this news. What next? The earth isn’t flat?

    http://www.celebslam.com

  8. bigponie

    her agent bought the 75,000 copies and threw it in the middle of the atlantic.

  9. ot

    It’s not going to slow her down one bit.

  10. jrzmommy

    Hint hint Paris. Get it? No one fucking likes you and you can’t sing. I’ll say it slowly for you….. O V E R E X P O S E D.

    and that gigantic “CLINK” you all just heard was Hohan, Nicole Richie and Shannen Doherty having themselves a toast.

  11. shameshame

    haa! she thought this was going to make her rich…she even went to fat joe and said she was going platinum! and read the post article!

    “…Meanwhile, Hilton’s reputation as a dirty girl put one of her former sex partners on edge after they’d been to bed together.

    Elijah Blue Allman, the hunky son of Cher and Gregg Allman, boasted to Howard Stern the other day that he had a fling with Hilton before she was famous – but he got nervous right afterward that he might have picked up a sexually transmitted disease from her. Allman says he was so worried, he raced downstairs and grabbed a household cleaning product to pour over his private parts and “disinfect” them.

    While Stern flipped over the tawdry tale, aired over his Sirius Satellite Radio raunchfest show, Hilton wasn’t thrilled with the disclosure. “She’s not happy about it,” said a source, despite the fact Allman tried to lessen the low blow by noting she was a “sweet girl” nonetheless.”

  12. al rarow

    I heard the Sirius broadcast. Specifically, he said that he “TILEXED” his wang.

  13. Xopher.tm

    “Elijah Blue Allman, the hunky son of Cher and Gregg Allman”…?

    I’ve never heard the word “hunky” used to describe him before. I mean, you may think he’s “cute” or even “hot” (‘cos, you know, to each his own…), but doesn’t “hunky” imply at least a modicum of machismo? Elijah Blue, after all, has spent a significant portion of his life in heels and a skirt.

  14. MyWellRehearsedMistake

    I don’t know what to be more worried about. The fact that 75,000 people bought Paris’ album (lets hope they were all ‘just curious’ and are gonna take ‘em all back next week) or that the Superfish has a butcher without a mouth. How does he tell you the price of things? Or tell you to Have A Nice Day? Unless it’s just a nickname and the Superfish is friends with a mutant serial killer. In which case can he encourage him to go after Hohan and Parasite?

    (I don’t feel that I need to comment on the fact that Paris’ album is a flop – that comes as no surprise to any of us.)

  15. jrzmommy

    Paris bought all 75,000 copies herself, too.

  16. Ms. Sass

    I’m more than happy to hear this news. Maybe now she’ll fade away with Britney Spears (and waiting patiently, Jessica Simpson)! Her music sucks, she’s an ass/slut and her only fan is herself!

  17. saltpeanuts

    People must think you can catch the Herp from a CD. Actually 75k is a good amount of sales for a new musical “artiste”.

  18. Well, it looks like it’s time for Paris to get back to doing what she does best – sex tapes. Good job Paris. I’m looking forward to catching a few STDs watching the sequel.

  19. Mugato

    “Obviously, she can’t sing live”

    Then kill her.

  20. jane's eyre

    No joke, when I read the title of this post, Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture started playing in my head.

  21. The Devil's Prom Date

    Call me a romantic, but I always thought that the Antichrist would be birthed from the ass of a talking black goat with a thousand teats. Once grown, the enemy of mankind would finance her own vanity album, and the world would ACTUALLY BUY IT- ushering in the age of darkness and the doom of mankind.

    Wow, guess we dodged a bullet on that one!

  22. biatcho

    If I actually thought that she felt an ounce of humility or shame I would feel bad for saying that I do hope this makes her choke on her own sick & die.

  23. Despite the latest technological improvements, even digital gurus cannot make Paris Hilton sound good.

    http://www.wehateeverybody.com

  24. BriBri

    @ #3 – haha!

  25. RichPort

    Excellent. Now when I go to the $2.99 rack at my local CD shop this December, I can get all of those people I hate, but am nonetheless obligated to buy a gift for, this musical work of wonder. It’s almost as classless and subtle as giving them a Merry Fuck You card with a picture of baby Jesus flipping the bird.

    #3 & #8 – HA!!!!!!!

  26. PunjabPete

    “work with choreographers”

    What do they mean? I saw her video and she could dance… right? No seriously, right? Dance? Anyone?

    Can you imagine her trying to sing her over digitized COMPLETELY manipulated song Stars are Blind on an actual stage? I bet Wanda down at the local pub could belt out a better rensition on Karaoke night…

  27. Must be Paris’ sullied reputation that’s causing lackluster sales–lack of singing ability certainly hasn’t stopped Britney or Ashlee from selling millions of albums.

    http://glossedover.com

  28. Jedi Kevin

    I’ll bet her publicist bought 70,000 of them.

  29. PunjabPete

    #26 – I am so into that…. We do an anonymous joke gift exchange at work… I think I will splurge and get someone not one but TWO copies for $1.99 each. THat ought to piss someone right off… Good times….

  30. Paris actually work for a living… Pleazzzze! No real voice… totally digital, no real talent other than showing up late and looking conceded. She should stick to her sex tapes. Too bad she is going celibate for a year. The only saving grace of that is STD prevention.

    http://www.holisticwisdom.com/paris-hilton-video.htm

  31. PunjabPete

    28 – Never thought I would do this but I have to defend Bri…but only a little. She actually can sing. Whether the music is good or not… You really have to be into that crap I think. Of course the only singing she does not is shouting out the names of her favorite Little Debbie snack items to he Manny at top volume so she won’t have to get off the couche. That is still singing, right?

  32. PunjabPete

    She does NOW…

  33. PunjabPete

    Paris going celibate for a year?

    TRANSLATION: Super Herpes flare up that won’t go back down….

  34. jrzmommy

    She can always be the lounge act at one of her sister’s hotels. Which by the way are being decorated by Faye Resnick — yeah, THAT Faye Resnick (Nicole Brown Simpson’s best friend.) Can cocaine be a motiff?

  35. What? I’m floored. I was expecting to put this one next to Dark Side of the Moon and Master of Puppets.

    And to think, her death in House of Wax showed such promise.

    http://www.edquartersaudio.com

  36. cayana

    This one time I got a CD in the mail from some animal rights group. It was an hour-long recording of dogs in the pound howling. It was supposed to alert you to the plight of the tortured animals or something.

    Anyway I figure it’s about the same thing as this CD.

  37. RichPort

    I bet the stupid bitch cries everytime she hears the CD now.

  38. Moon43215

    I liked her song, but I mean really, it is just the samllest bit of her and the rest is music magic, i’d love to hear her sing for real, I bet it truly sucks. But the song stands alone as an interesting little tune.

  39. sikofdis

    I’m a professional musician and WAS having a pretty bad day… then I read this story and now believe that there is (occasionally) justice in the world…

    She’s a c%#t, I hate her and I hope she dies (still some residual bad-day vibes)

  40. bigponie

    #39

    so you would like to hear her sing, are you crazy, this is the extent of her singing talent…her song list

    three little pigs,
    london bridge is falling down,
    the bugs bunny music theme,
    and lets not forget ABC’s alphabet song

    so do enjoy her music.

  41. jrzmommy

    41–only she insists that L M N O P is one big letter called elemenopee

  42. OK, a flop, but she does get into The Hyde, doesn’t she ?

  43. sikofdis

    @#41,

    Dude, don’t even talk smack about the Looney Tunes (bugs bunny) music!

  44. procyon

    Big shocker there.

    You mean to tell me that this vapid whore can’t sell more than one of the best female vocalists in the music industry today.

    For shame Pais…for shame.

  45. spatz

    honestly who would spend money on this garbage when theres other garbage by at least half talented singers one can spend money on. i think if she promised a tour things would be different. people are stupid but not THAT stupid. its so obvious she has absolutley no business recording music. end of story.

  46. Kitty

    I don’t know if 75,000 is a lot for a new artist or not. What I do know is she promoted the hell out of that album so 75,000 is a flop compared to every other new artist on the planet who isn’t an over-exposed talentless whore.

  47. sikofdis

    {I’m} Anti Backstreet and Ricky Martin
    Whose instincts are to kill N’Sync,
    Don’t get me started!
    These fuckin’ brats can’t sing,
    and Britney’s garbage!
    What’s this bitch, retarded?
    GIVE ME BACK MY 15 DOLLARS!!!

  48. spatz

    39 seeing as youre probably 13 and havent really heard the source of this crappy song, mighn’t i suggest you listen to anything by no doubt or gwen stefani? p. herself admits her song has a “gwen stefani” sound.

  49. spatz

    38 best comment ever. i snickered out loud

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