Paris Hilton’s boyfriend, a moment of your time?

March 30th, 2009 // 90 Comments
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Dear Doug Reinhardt,

There’s no easy way to put this, so I’m going to just come right out and say it:
Not every kiss requires a crotch grab.
I know that’s basically anathema to your entire worldview, but no one wants to see a severed wrist spraying blood at the club. Kind of a downer.

Politely refusing all future handshakes (No, really, don’t.),

The Superficial Writer

Photos: Pacific Coast News, WENN
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Comments (90)

  1. Snaggletooth | March 30, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    Terd

    Reply
  2. john mayer shaved my balls | March 30, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    skank

    Reply
  3. Chasey | March 30, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    What is she wearing? Have her lower bits sprouted and need to be covered in a type of reverse doggy-cone to keep her from licking her from licking?

    Reply
  4. Richard McBeef | March 30, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    now i remember why i wouldn’t fuck her.

    Reply
  5. AteIsEnough | March 30, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Check out the huge herpes outbreak on his upper lip! That’s frickin’ funny!!

    Reply
  6. Pico | March 30, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Is it just me or does anyone see a red suspicious sore forming on the top of that guys lip…

    Reply
  7. herpesss | March 30, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    ha ha they haven’t even been together for a month and he already has herpes! stupid douche

    Reply
  8. Andrea | March 30, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    In the kissing pics she looks a little bored but then in the full-on paps shots she looks orgasmic.

    Reply
  9. GuyHolly | March 30, 2009 at 2:24 pm

    Hey dude.. the only way you get money from a porno is to ACTUALLY fuck the beast.

    Reply
  10. groan | March 30, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    It’s adorable, apparently she calls him her “Valiant Rex”!!! Or just Val’t Rex for short.

    Reply
  11. Zanna | March 30, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    @9 and the money you make, you end up spending on co-payments for the clinic and VALTREX

    Reply
  12. Mr. Jones | March 30, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    Folks, he might’ve had herpes from a previous relationship. I think it’s great when people mix up their diseases from former lives. It’s like a herpes Brady Bunch.

    Reply
  13. Jim Lahey | March 30, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    Pic 8. One of her eyes (the right one) is looking at the camera, the other is looking at?

    God she’s ugly!

    Reply
  14. Rough Daddy | March 30, 2009 at 2:28 pm

    lol, why not! he figure Paris is very fickle, he’d probably has a few days left before he gets dump…

    Reply
  15. Jrz | March 30, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    I think I hate him more than her.

    Reply
  16. jellyroll | March 30, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    @ #3: thank you! what the fuck is that? it’s like a kleenex box pulled over her hips. but it’s only visible from certain angles. front-view: box. side-view: no box. another illusion of the paris hilton crotch mirage…
    and yeah, that wonky eye has been pesterin me for years, and people don’t talk about it nearly enough. the promiscuity and poor language skills are one thing, the cast eye is another entirely.

    Reply
  17. mike | March 30, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    All I know is that in previous pictures she’s been caught itching her butthole, and now he shows up with a sore on his lip.

    Reply
  18. His Huge Greatness Himself | March 30, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    Where’s my smooth babe!?

    Reply
  19. Dr Phowstus | March 30, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    There’s a guy who’s fingers are gonna look like spent matchsticks if he keeps that up.

    Reply
  20. The Music Elitist | March 30, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    Is it possible to get hand herpes?

    Reply
  21. havoc | March 30, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    Send a bottle of bleach to his table. Put it on my tab….

    .

    Reply
  22. Guy | March 30, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    I didn’t know ladies crotches were to the right of their body.

    Reply
  23. Deacon Jones | March 30, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    TMZ is running a blow up of his herpes, ha.

    Fucking ALREADY man? *horf*

    What’s worse about this pic, him getting one already, or Paris kissing him with it on camera?

    Fucking A…

    Reply
  24. Sickitten | March 30, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    ENOUGH! Enough of this parrot beaked chickenhead! Her head is looking even smaller as her body widens with age. UNEDUCATED TWAT NOTHING who is doing squat with her life. What’s her next act? Taking out her FAKE BLUE CONTACTS and wearing her hair as the blah brown color it really is?

    A new nosejob? She used to have a bigger ginzo nose. Has anyone seen those pics of her as a kid?

    Reply
  25. Lain | March 30, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    Can he look any more douche-y?

    Reply
  26. Dr Phowstus | March 30, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Him being proud of boning her is like Columbus being proud of discovering America… thousands of people had been there for YEARS…

    Reply
  27. Angry Beaver | March 30, 2009 at 3:53 pm

    Ewww….I’m not going to get herpes by looking at pictures of Paris, am I? Bad touch, bad touch!

    Reply
  28. Sauron | March 30, 2009 at 3:56 pm

    Aww! This looks very romantic! They should be dressed in light blue and pink colors!

    Reply
  29. Darth | March 30, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    Looks like Doug Reinhardt grabs her really hard from behind ! Her hips have turned square! However,i don’t see the handles!

    Reply
  30. Yikes | March 30, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    With the what probably amounts to miles of cock she’s had in her mouth, no effing way I’d let her stuck her tongue in my mouth.

    I still fukc the bejeezus out of her though!!

    Reply
  31. Rhialto | March 30, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Huge wallet! What’s next!? A massive bank safe!?

    Reply
  32. sam | March 30, 2009 at 4:15 pm

    #16 – I too am confused by this dress. Why would anyone wear something that looks like it has boxes stuffed in the sides? Maybe she has a couple of flasks of booze stashed in there?

    Also, look at the last picture. It looks like there is a hole in the center seam in a convenient location. Convenient, as in he can fuck her without having to expose her scabby crotch.

    I think I am going to be sick now.

    Reply
  33. becky | March 30, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    Looks like he caught her cold sore! Herpes-ho!!!

    Reply
  34. NY Ted | March 30, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    Have either of these LOSERS ever worked a day in their lives….???

    NO…I didn’t think so!

    It’s all about the CA$H for this guy…who ever the fuck he is!

    Reply
  35. el ces | March 30, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Argh!

    That lucky luck-having bastard!

    Reply
  36. ishi-san | March 30, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    This guy is the worst of all the guys she EVER had! My god he must be dumb!!!

    Reply
  37. I call 'em as I see 'em | March 30, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    #32 OMG you are right! The skirt definitely has some sort of “Crotch Pocket”, plus mysterious waist squarers, AND it’s fuzzy.
    I’ve always surmised that Paris might be a closet “Furry”; this is some mighty damning evidence…
    I wonder what HE dresses up as. Probably her.

    Reply
  38. ishi-san | March 30, 2009 at 5:21 pm

    *haha and he keeps pulling her around like an idiot!

    Reply
  39. Billy Madison | March 30, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Who cares if he is grabbing her crotch. The question you should be asking is “Does he own a video-camera?” and if not maybe we should all chip in and buy him one…

    Reply
  40. hunnybe | March 30, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    ewwwww that is total nastyness.These 2 skanks need 2 be quarintined asap. Wonky eyed weirdo.

    Reply
  41. anonymous | March 30, 2009 at 6:36 pm

    Gross well at least now we know they both have herpes. No other woman is going to ever do him again unless they want std’s.

    Reply
  42. wet newspaper | March 30, 2009 at 7:56 pm

    Gross. They’re both totally disgusting.

    Reply
  43. pixi kyll | March 30, 2009 at 8:07 pm

    shes so rank. so fucking gross.
    oh and she has a dopple ganger in australia called heather forbes.

    Reply
  44. La Bella Vita | March 30, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ON HIS LIP¿¿¿ HERPES ALREADY??

    Reply
  45. Lindsay | March 30, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    She is really getting uglier by the day. She looks like a tranny.

    Reply
  46. No one | March 30, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Look how orange she is next to him. Nice fake tan…

    Reply
  47. ishi-san | March 30, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    @46: ….or look how piggy-pink hr is next to her

    Reply
  48. lo | March 30, 2009 at 8:24 pm

    stop it with the paris hilton posts already!! i need real boobs.

    Reply
  49. ishi-san | March 30, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    I like paris-posts! makes me feel good about myself.

    Reply
  50. jo | March 30, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    why don’t some one just stuff a horse cock up her ass and a dog cock in her mouth

    Reply
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