Paris Hilton’s boyfriend, a moment of your time?

March 30th, 2009 // 90 Comments

Dear Doug Reinhardt,

There’s no easy way to put this, so I’m going to just come right out and say it:
Not every kiss requires a crotch grab.
I know that’s basically anathema to your entire worldview, but no one wants to see a severed wrist spraying blood at the club. Kind of a downer.

Politely refusing all future handshakes (No, really, don’t.),

The Superficial Writer

Photos: Pacific Coast News, WENN

  1. Snaggletooth


  2. john mayer shaved my balls


  3. Chasey

    What is she wearing? Have her lower bits sprouted and need to be covered in a type of reverse doggy-cone to keep her from licking her from licking?

  4. Richard McBeef

    now i remember why i wouldn’t fuck her.

  5. AteIsEnough

    Check out the huge herpes outbreak on his upper lip! That’s frickin’ funny!!

  6. Pico

    Is it just me or does anyone see a red suspicious sore forming on the top of that guys lip…

  7. herpesss

    ha ha they haven’t even been together for a month and he already has herpes! stupid douche

  8. Andrea

    In the kissing pics she looks a little bored but then in the full-on paps shots she looks orgasmic.

  9. Hey dude.. the only way you get money from a porno is to ACTUALLY fuck the beast.

  10. groan

    It’s adorable, apparently she calls him her “Valiant Rex”!!! Or just Val’t Rex for short.

  11. @9 and the money you make, you end up spending on co-payments for the clinic and VALTREX

  12. Mr. Jones

    Folks, he might’ve had herpes from a previous relationship. I think it’s great when people mix up their diseases from former lives. It’s like a herpes Brady Bunch.

  13. Jim Lahey

    Pic 8. One of her eyes (the right one) is looking at the camera, the other is looking at?

    God she’s ugly!

  14. lol, why not! he figure Paris is very fickle, he’d probably has a few days left before he gets dump…

  15. Jrz

    I think I hate him more than her.

  16. jellyroll

    @ #3: thank you! what the fuck is that? it’s like a kleenex box pulled over her hips. but it’s only visible from certain angles. front-view: box. side-view: no box. another illusion of the paris hilton crotch mirage…
    and yeah, that wonky eye has been pesterin me for years, and people don’t talk about it nearly enough. the promiscuity and poor language skills are one thing, the cast eye is another entirely.

  17. mike

    All I know is that in previous pictures she’s been caught itching her butthole, and now he shows up with a sore on his lip.

  18. His Huge Greatness Himself

    Where’s my smooth babe!?

  19. Dr Phowstus

    There’s a guy who’s fingers are gonna look like spent matchsticks if he keeps that up.

  20. Is it possible to get hand herpes?

  21. havoc

    Send a bottle of bleach to his table. Put it on my tab….


  22. Guy

    I didn’t know ladies crotches were to the right of their body.

  23. Deacon Jones

    TMZ is running a blow up of his herpes, ha.

    Fucking ALREADY man? *horf*

    What’s worse about this pic, him getting one already, or Paris kissing him with it on camera?

    Fucking A…

  24. ENOUGH! Enough of this parrot beaked chickenhead! Her head is looking even smaller as her body widens with age. UNEDUCATED TWAT NOTHING who is doing squat with her life. What’s her next act? Taking out her FAKE BLUE CONTACTS and wearing her hair as the blah brown color it really is?

    A new nosejob? She used to have a bigger ginzo nose. Has anyone seen those pics of her as a kid?

  25. Lain

    Can he look any more douche-y?

  26. Dr Phowstus

    Him being proud of boning her is like Columbus being proud of discovering America… thousands of people had been there for YEARS…

  27. Angry Beaver

    Ewww….I’m not going to get herpes by looking at pictures of Paris, am I? Bad touch, bad touch!

  28. Sauron

    Aww! This looks very romantic! They should be dressed in light blue and pink colors!

  29. Darth

    Looks like Doug Reinhardt grabs her really hard from behind ! Her hips have turned square! However,i don’t see the handles!

  30. Yikes

    With the what probably amounts to miles of cock she’s had in her mouth, no effing way I’d let her stuck her tongue in my mouth.

    I still fukc the bejeezus out of her though!!

  31. Rhialto

    Huge wallet! What’s next!? A massive bank safe!?

  32. sam

    #16 – I too am confused by this dress. Why would anyone wear something that looks like it has boxes stuffed in the sides? Maybe she has a couple of flasks of booze stashed in there?

    Also, look at the last picture. It looks like there is a hole in the center seam in a convenient location. Convenient, as in he can fuck her without having to expose her scabby crotch.

    I think I am going to be sick now.

  33. becky

    Looks like he caught her cold sore! Herpes-ho!!!

  34. NY Ted

    Have either of these LOSERS ever worked a day in their lives….???

    NO…I didn’t think so!

    It’s all about the CA$H for this guy…who ever the fuck he is!

  35. el ces


    That lucky luck-having bastard!

  36. ishi-san

    This guy is the worst of all the guys she EVER had! My god he must be dumb!!!

  37. I call 'em as I see 'em

    #32 OMG you are right! The skirt definitely has some sort of “Crotch Pocket”, plus mysterious waist squarers, AND it’s fuzzy.
    I’ve always surmised that Paris might be a closet “Furry”; this is some mighty damning evidence…
    I wonder what HE dresses up as. Probably her.

  38. ishi-san

    *haha and he keeps pulling her around like an idiot!

  39. Billy Madison

    Who cares if he is grabbing her crotch. The question you should be asking is “Does he own a video-camera?” and if not maybe we should all chip in and buy him one…

  40. ewwwww that is total nastyness.These 2 skanks need 2 be quarintined asap. Wonky eyed weirdo.

  41. anonymous

    Gross well at least now we know they both have herpes. No other woman is going to ever do him again unless they want std’s.

  42. wet newspaper

    Gross. They’re both totally disgusting.

  43. pixi kyll

    shes so rank. so fucking gross.
    oh and she has a dopple ganger in australia called heather forbes.

  44. La Bella Vita


  45. Lindsay

    She is really getting uglier by the day. She looks like a tranny.

  46. No one

    Look how orange she is next to him. Nice fake tan…

  47. ishi-san

    @46: ….or look how piggy-pink hr is next to her

  48. lo

    stop it with the paris hilton posts already!! i need real boobs.

  49. ishi-san

    I like paris-posts! makes me feel good about myself.

  50. jo

    why don’t some one just stuff a horse cock up her ass and a dog cock in her mouth

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