Dear Doug Reinhardt,
There’s no easy way to put this, so I’m going to just come right out and say it:
Not every kiss requires a crotch grab.
I know that’s basically anathema to your entire worldview, but no one wants to see a severed wrist spraying blood at the club. Kind of a downer.
Politely refusing all future handshakes (No, really, don’t.),
The Superficial Writer