Paris Hilton issued the following statement over the weekend saying she wouldn’t appeal her sentence:
“Today I told my attorneys not to appeal the judge’s decision. While I greatly appreciate the Sheriff’s concern for my health and welfare, after meeting with doctors I intend to serve my time as ordered by the judge.
This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. During the past several days, I have had a lot of time to reflect and have already learned a bitter, but important lesson from this experience.
As I have said before, I hope others will learn from my mistake. I have also had time to read the mail from my fans. I very much appreciate all of their good wishes and hope they will keep their letters coming.
I must also say that I was shocked to see all of the attention devoted to the amount of time I would spend in jail for what I had done by the media, public and city officials. I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things, like the men and women serving our country in Iraq, Afghanistan and other places around the world.”
Looks like somebody finally told Paris to stop acting like a bitch and try to spin this thing in her favor. Although talking about the Middle East is pushing it a little far. My pet turtle has a better understanding of what’s going on over there than she does. Her original draft probably included references to Lord Voldemort and the horrible situation at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
Danner | June 11, 2007 at 10:26 am
I’m tired of that picture.
dirka | June 11, 2007 at 10:26 am
FIRST
Soh!B | June 11, 2007 at 10:29 am
Well, at least her publicist can put a sentence together.
freakoid | June 11, 2007 at 10:29 am
now maybe we’ll actually get a vacation from this whiny bitch. although her being in the jail medical facility rankles since her only problem is she has never slept on sheets below a 3000 threadcount before
Guy | June 11, 2007 at 10:29 am
Good on her
Nathan Sherer | June 11, 2007 at 10:29 am
I like when people write first so they end up not being first.
smaddox | June 11, 2007 at 10:31 am
hello yesterdays news….
Nathan Sherer | June 11, 2007 at 10:31 am
I just realized how pointless my previous comment is (as is this one).
esmeralda | June 11, 2007 at 10:33 am
WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! stupid bitch.
Josh | June 11, 2007 at 10:34 am
I love that photo… I have it tiled as my desktop background.
Binky | June 11, 2007 at 10:34 am
Don’t worry about it Nathan – this one’s pointless as well
Gregory | June 11, 2007 at 10:34 am
Her comment in regards to media attention and our troops is a direct lift from Ben Stein’s commentary on yesterday’s CBS Sunday Morning.
zuzu | June 11, 2007 at 10:34 am
i’m proud of her.
if you’re going to be mad- be mad at lee baca from the l.a. county sheriff dept. and be mad at the system. paris IS a lot different than her media persona… believe me.
Screaming Viking | June 11, 2007 at 10:36 am
the hardest part for her isn’t being in jail persay, it is not taking cock nightly.
Boba Fett | June 11, 2007 at 10:36 am
Over/Under on how long it takes her to flip out again?
mrs.t | June 11, 2007 at 10:37 am
At least she’s pulling quotes and news info from somewhere other than Daffy Duck.
Josh | June 11, 2007 at 10:38 am
Good call, Screaming Viking. How is she to get her FDA advised daily fulfillment of protein if she’s denied the one source she gets it from, namely semen.
Boba Fett | June 11, 2007 at 10:38 am
#13
Yeah.
She’s an even BIGGER whore than we’re lead to believe.
boobie | June 11, 2007 at 10:38 am
Free Paris Hilton
Free, Free, Free, Paris Hilton
Free Paris Hilton
Twenty-five days in captivity
Her shoes too small to fit her feet
Her body abused but her mind is still free
Are you so blind that you cannot see
I say Free Paris Hilton
I’m begging you Free paris hilton
pohzimi | June 11, 2007 at 10:42 am
jail must be REALLY effective for paris hilton to be concerned about world problems.
“I have had a lot of time to reflect and have already learned a bitter, but important lesson from this experience”… she makes a jail term sound like a cauldron of bittergourd soup. where you have to fill in a “What are your reflections?” form afterwards.
julyper | June 11, 2007 at 10:43 am
Potter references? lol, You’re a geek, superfish! (and for that, I love you!)
#10 So do I.
Yudonomi | June 11, 2007 at 10:44 am
She makes it sound like she’s doing something noble, like some kind of heroic mission from which she may not return.
“I hope others will learn from my mistake”. Only wealthy people are afforded the opportunity to make the specific mistake she’s talking about. Regular people just get sentenced and they do the time.
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 10:45 am
#13 – We believe you.
‘Cuz, you know, you and her are so tight.
We are in awe of you and your implied closeness to her.
Really. I can barely eat my Sausage Egg McMuffin thinking about what great inside dirt you have, and how much I suck because I am not part of Paris Hilton’s inside circle like you are.
Awesome.
Totally awesome.
My nipples are so hard they are tearing my shirt.
I wish I could smell your farts, you are so cool.
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 10:46 am
#13 – Also, I need your mailing address. I am going to send you a new keyboard with a ‘Shift’ key.
No, please, don’t thank me.
PsychoChild | June 11, 2007 at 10:48 am
no comment…
Jimbo | June 11, 2007 at 10:49 am
@1 That is the greatest picture ever. To see that poor rich bitch crying for her mommy as she is being carted back to jail is priceless. All the times she has had that smug I am so much better than you look on her face as she gets away with what ever she wants to do and now she is back is jail is just GREAT! I could not be happier. I think I may blow that picture up and put it next to my Hooters calendar in my garage
mrs.t | June 11, 2007 at 10:49 am
Well, she HAS been back in there for what…three whole days? That’s enough time for her to grow a new personality, right? She’s gonna emerge totally changed; she will eschew expensive tracksuits and hair extensions and embrace her newfound inner peace as she strives to fully experience her journey in this magical gift of life.
She will rarely be seen out past dusk, as she needs to arise before dawn in order to commune with her spirit guides and dance in the sunrise of the next glorious day.
She will buy a Prius.
She will attempt to adopt a child in need-but not one of those yucky brown ones.
She will be a Paris reborn, with love in her heart, clear thoughts in her head, and empathy for all those less fortunate than herself.
Or, she’ll do more porn. Either way.
Brock Landers | June 11, 2007 at 10:51 am
That picture ranks way up there for best pictures of all time.
zuzu | June 11, 2007 at 10:52 am
wow. #23 and #24. you’re mad. you’re so pretty when you get angry.
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 10:53 am
I know, right? Monday morning and I am already pissed off. Goddamn it, I need to get a new job. Driving this pre-school bus is making me nuts.
PsychoChild | June 11, 2007 at 10:56 am
@ 27 ROFLLMAO! SO TRUE! BUT LIKE YOU SAID EITHER WAY.
Jimbo | June 11, 2007 at 11:05 am
@29 I think what AFJ is trying to say is you are a fucking idiot!
Correct me if I am wrong AFJ
ginger t | June 11, 2007 at 11:08 am
#21 – Potter references are not the output of a geek … references to an obscure cult sci-fi author is geek – even Frank Herbert or Robert Heinlein would cut it. Potter … that was just easy and lazy. I love the fish, don’t get me wrong, but I’m just sayin’, you, #21, are pretty mainstream if you think Potter is geek.
Chauncey Gardner | June 11, 2007 at 11:17 am
It isn’t that she won’t appeal – she just *can’t* appeal. Because, she’s too busy a-peelin’ back foreskins on uncut correctional officer cocks.
dowork | June 11, 2007 at 11:18 am
This jail sentence is so weak she is basically grounded.
And I’m annoyed she tried to turn the tables and make everyone else look shallow for wanting her to experience justice.
“You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn’t ninety percent selfish, I’d die of shock.”
puzzled | June 11, 2007 at 11:28 am
Why wouldn’t the media focus on the huge ongoing events in Iraq and elsewhere??? I’m so surprised…
“US military leaders are supplying Sunni groups in Iraq with weapons and other armoury to fight al-Qaeda terrorists, The New York Times reported Monday.
After a test phase in early 2007 conducted in the western province of Anbar, US military leaders had reluctantly agreed to extend the arms support to four other Sunni-dominated restive provinces in central Iraq, the report added.
The support is going mainly to Sunni groups, who used to back al- Qaeda terrorists, but later turned their backs on them.
They are to receive – mainly through the Iraqi Army – weapons, ammunition, money and other equipment. During initial negotiations, they had agreed to warn US soldiers of booby traps.
The government in Baghdad is skeptical of these plans and so far Shiites have resisted negotiating with Sunni insurgents.
The office of the Shiite government chief said Monday that Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki had met Admiral William Fallon, a commander in the US Central Command who is responsible for the Arab world and Central Asia, on Sunday.
During that meeting, al-Maliki said his government ‘would never subject itself to terrorists and militias and we have made a great step forward. We would never come to an agreement with those who operate beyond the law.’
US officers also fear that Sunni groups could use these weapons against Shiites and later perhaps against US soldiers, The New York Times reported.”
***Gee, we’ve never seen that before, have we? Where did the Taliban get their weapons, anyway (from Pakistan…right…who got them from…the U.S.)? And wasn’t most of the Iraqi army buildup based on U.S. funding of their side in the war against Iran in the 1980s? Yeah, no way this current plan will backfire…
Also on Monday, an Iraqi non-governmental organization said that more than 9,000 people had been killed in Iraq in the first five months of this year.
Iraq Without Violence (IWV), which is based in the Shiite holy city of Karbala, said some 45 per cent of a total of 9,352 victims had been killed by militias and terrorist groups, 34 per cent by foreign troops and 12 per cent by Iraqi security forces.
Some 1,665 children had been among the victims, IWV said.
***Well at least the kids are dying. We need to shrink that population way down or the plans to tame it will never work. It’s not so hot from an ethical perspective, but, you know, 9-11. Yeah, 9-11. Fuck yeah. Kill ‘em all!
Hesus | June 11, 2007 at 11:37 am
*22 yeah I mean for f*cks sake, And its not even a long sentance. She thinks she’s mother teresa now or somethiing :S I BET when she comes out shes gonna start a new campaign against prison systems ect…
And c’mon isnt she staying in a special ward? At least her doggie gets a break from Tomatoe-face
Jason G | June 11, 2007 at 11:38 am
“This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.”
Really? Nothing she has EVER done in life has been harder then sitting in jail, in solitary, under 24 hour watch, with special privileges, for 23 days. And yet somehow I don’t feel sorry for her.
stick | June 11, 2007 at 11:41 am
I’m not a Paris fan, and have nothing against her, but I feel for her right now. The judge wants to “treat her like everyone else” but he doesn’t realize that most people dont have a gazzilion photographers following them as they enter the jail. The average schmo doesn’t have to worry about every last detail of their stay appearing on the internet. The three days were enough to make the same point — she learned her lesson. The judge is obviously trying to grandstand – maybe for an election, maybe he wants to look tough, or please the Paris haters who, for some reason, get satisfaction out of her stay.
I think she’s a tough chick, and will come out of this with flying colours.
HoboChic | June 11, 2007 at 11:44 am
I actually have to work today, so I don’t have time, but I’m begging one of you to draft some Paris-themed lyrics to Bob Dylan’s “Hurricane.” This is as far as I got: Here is the story of the Hilton girl…
Not far, I know…
baboo | June 11, 2007 at 11:49 am
here in italy we hate that stupid bitch.
i’m laughing in a scary way AH AH AH AH
baboo | June 11, 2007 at 11:49 am
here in italy we hate that stupid bitch.
i’m laughing in a scary way AH AH AH AH
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 11:49 am
#32 – On the nose.
Spindoc | June 11, 2007 at 11:50 am
Lets All Do What Paris Wants…. She doesn’t want us to waste our time paying so much attention to this? WEll lets agree to that, and also, stop buying any magazines that have any pictures or articles about her or her idiot family in them. I mean, thats what she wants isn’t it?
Oh, I get it, pay a ton of attention to me, except when I don’t want you to…….Ok, Paris, how noble.
RichPort | June 11, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Everytime I see that picture, pre-ejaculate soils my boxers.
jrzmommy | June 11, 2007 at 12:02 pm
Can’t….handle…..the…..morons……Urge….to….throw….rocks…..is…..overwhelming…..
Crazyleapingbunny | June 11, 2007 at 12:09 pm
Why use that same picture of her every time?! In a way i kinda pity her.
RichPort | June 11, 2007 at 12:09 pm
HA! Look what we did Jrz!
LL | June 11, 2007 at 12:19 pm
The smartest thing Paris has done in a long time is listen to her publicist instead of her parents and her lawyers. Or maybe her lawyers told her that she’s gonna serve the time no matter what the sherriff says, so just suck it up and do it. I think the shout-out to the military at the end is overdoing it a bit, but hey, it’s showbiz. That’s a pretty well-crafted press release, kudos to whoever put that together.
Hollywood Agent | June 11, 2007 at 12:38 pm
It looks like she has now hired her lawyer as her PR manager.