Paris Hilton wants a double wedding

April 21st, 2008 // 83 Comments

Paris Hilton wants to have a double wedding with best friend Nicole Richie. The two would wed their respective hunchback Madden brothers Benji and Joel, according to Page Six:

Hilton, who is not even engaged to Benji, said she wants to do it in order to sell the pictures from the wedding and thinks she could rake in millions, said one pal. “She’s doing it all for attention, as usual,” said the friend. “It’s a publicity stunt, just like everything else.”

I don’t give a rat’s ass if this is a publicity stunt or not. I’m all for it. I mean, Jesus, talk about killing four birds with one stone/rocket launcher. *EEER-FOOSH* Oh my God, who shoots rockets at a wedding? *KABOOM* It must be that guy over there. The one who looks like Rambo crossed with Brad Pitt – and is holding a rocket launcher. *EEER-FOOSH* Why does he keep slathering his chest with shoe polish between shots? No one needs to be that sexy. *KABOOM* Aw, I’m Joel Madden and I’m totally dead.

*sigh* I love weddings.

superficial

  1. dude_on_a_wire

    Huh?

  2. alex

    haha i love how the huge bodyguard is holding a clutch- adorable!

  3. Sid

    “The one who looks like Rambo crossed with Brad Pitt”

    wow.

    Elton John said that sounded abnormally gay.

  4. Never thought I’d say this, but Paris looks STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL here. Any critical comments in this thread really will be jealousy.

  5. Your mama

    I love her matrix outfit. I hope she takes the red pill.

  6. Ted from LA

    This is a new low in Fish writing history. **Kaboom**

    **Sigh**

    **shits pants**

    **Makes stars to surround meaningless phrases**

  7. scamp

    wow. Does her ring say BM?

  8. Veroonica

    How much do you wanna bet those fucktards would actually try to pull off a stunt like that. I know Good Charlotte isn’t relevant anymore, but do they actually have to knock these skanks up and marry them for publicity? That is just soooo sad. Oh. 5? she looks good, but I can guarantee that underneath the panties it’s a total nightmare.

  9. Auntie Kryst

    Does Hot Topic have a wedding registry??

  10. Rachel

    The writing is like a guy who thinks he’s funny because he talks like an over-the-top gay but really, he’s just gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that, some of my best gays are friends, they should be out and proud marys, etc).

  11. Instead of rice, I say we all throw they’re crappy fucking CDs at them.

  12. Jumpin_J

    Whoever can make this dream of a rocket launcher into this void of intelligence would be a national hero. The country’s national IQ average would rival Sweden’s (curse you ABBA). I’ll get you the Congressional Medal of Honor. Honest.

  13. Rick

    “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”

    very true, now that Nature’s Own Self-Cleaning Oven is working (AIDS).

  14. nipolian

    No pics of Benj today because he is laying in the hospital with his pecker all bandaged up………he was warned not to mess around with that petri dish between her legs but just wouldn’t listen.

  15. woodhorse

    The cake topper will feature a blonde preying mantis, a blonde troll and two Blues Brothers knock-offs in a circle jerk.

  16. hate you for no reason

    If all else fails, Paris can go into business making her fabulous Hefty bag dresses for the masses.

  17. madonna falona

    the depth of her desperation is bottomless.

  18. viv

    lol at #10

  19. Rick

    YUMMMMMMMY! Circle Jerk!

  20. ding dong...listen up bitches

    this wedding should be on pay-per-view. i would totally pay money to watch that big foot tranny mantis eat benji’s head at the end of the ceremony.

  21. Kat

    Pathetic…and yet I can’t muster any surprise that she would get married for publicity…something is sincerely wrong with the world.

  22. Stoney

    Hey, did she get her eye fixed?

  23. Sheva

    Beat me to it so I’ll modify. We use Crap Charlotte CDs as part of a molotov cocktail and throw it at them. First person to set any wedding dress afire is the grand prize winner. The mixture will also use the Paris crap perfume. That shit should light up and good.

    Burn the mofos down.

  24. janex

    She wants a double wedding? More like double penetration.

  25. Jackson

    Paris Herpes eats less than 1,000 calories a day to maintain her anorexic body. She must be moody a lot, suffer from hunger headaches, and basically in a haze all day. Stupid bitch, like people really want to look anorexic like her.

  26. The pictures I want to see are from the honeymoon. I think it would be funny to see Benji and Joels dicks fall off at the same time..

  27. rmac

    #5 – Agreed, except in pic #2 she looks like she took lipstick lessons from Marilyn Manson.

  28. mildly concerned

    @27 LOL synchonized STDs

  29. Ted Mosby

    LOL@25

  30. nipolian

    #23 – Nah – Look at the last pic…….that thing is still just a wonking away.

  31. long cad/chf

    what happened to the writing on this site?

  32. sla

    Wow, and to think most of us shmucks did or will get married for love. Losers.

  33. UNCLE NED

    Where’s your bible now, bitch?

    Where’s all the good deeds you were going to perform once you got out of jail?

    Where’s all the things you learned that was going to make you a better person?

    It will always be about Paris the media-whore. A self-centered bitch if there ever was one.

    Doris Duke is calling you from Hell to join her.

  34. Beav

    @5 If by “stunningly beautiful” you mean herp-tastic, then yes, I agree.

    Also, Rosie Odonnell already had that haircut lie 5 yrs ago.

  35. spindoc

    Her boyfriend looks like he’s actually her creepy Uncle

  36. poonmoon

    #5. Um I too was dismayed at how in this main pic the bitche’s outside is not really matching her hideous inside as per usual. Thankfully before I could think the unthinkable (which would require me to wash my brain out with soap and then beat myself with my memory erasing toaster) I happened to click on the second pic (“truth in a closeup”) and was relieved to see skankface’s hideous penise nosehose which is truly revolting in a dripping flesh, penisy, witchwhore type way and matches with exactitude the evil disease factory’s vile and retchid penile blood lust and life mission to cover every human penis in herpi. So folks click on the second pic and all will be right with the world again.

    *NOTE: When using the word “her” I really mean “heshe” since of course the thing is not female or male it’s just… The HeShe Heiress!!! ( too vile for words, but never stops us from trying to describe the horror).

  37. poonmoon

    P.S. I must know why the wonky eye is not wonking. The eyes are the window to the soul and the wonkey eye reminds children that it’s a monster. Maybe the hunchback’s splooge is magical. *Squirt, squirt* hey I fixed your wonkey eye”.. yup that’ll make her want to marry him, even if if a donkey pissed in her eye and fixed the wonk she marry the ass, well either way she’d be marrying an ass.

  38. JAM

    someone should tell the dummy she should wait until she’s asked to marry. Right now I picture Benji at home slitting his wrists after spending a whole month with someone who is not quite as smart as a truck. $5.00 says there is no marriage…….

  39. floophy

    They made a game out of “Paris the Dog Groomer” http://www.fyrebug.com/?p=5666 – too funny!

  40. PunkA

    Do you know what would be better than a double wedding? A double suicide. Wait, make that a quadruple suicide. And if we were lucky, maybe a few paps would join in just for the hell of it.

  41. Jamie's Uterus

    #25..Janex..you rock my world! Too funny and very true.

    I think it would be funny in that Madden guy dumped her diseased ass after he saw the results from her blood test…… That skank has STDs not even named yet, she is the new patient zero.

  42. Ted from LA

    Ted. Shut the fuck and get lost fucktard. Noone comes here to read any of your drooling drivel. This is not your site and your comments are latent and bland anyway.
    And for God’s sake change your butt-plug.

  43. birdy

    whoa she actually looked good in the featured pic. what the hell, should have used the 2nd pic. the thing is to make her look bad not good!

  44. Cap'n Pickles

    hey 44. Paris no play with asian. She shove hmong up coochy for good time. Go back to wice patty, o’kray?

    Oh. stop dliving on high-ray. Me no likey slow low flucker.

  45. Cap'n Pickles

    Now, if you said “Paris wants a double penetration” I would have believed it. For some reason, whenever someone mentions Paris’s panty pelt I think of Meatwad from “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”. Is that wrong?

  46. G

    Paris Hilton is GORGEOUS!

  47. tanya

    She’s lookin old

  48. BM on her ring stands for “BANG ME”, but this is the first time I’ve seen her looking rather fetching.

  49. Kat

    @ 5…I think stunningly beautiful is pushing it a bit too far, she looks loads better than normal, but she’s I still wouldn’t say beautiful…pretty, maybe.

    Until, like everyone else says, you get to picture 2, then I rejoice again cause all is right with the world.

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