Paris Hilton violates probation, faces jail time

March 30th, 2007 // 127 Comments
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Paris Hilton may face a three-month prison sentence for violating her probation by driving with a suspended license. On Tuesday she was pulled over in her car by police in Los Angeles, and a spokeperson for the prosecutor says:

“We are confident that we have sufficient evidence that her license was suspended at the time she was driving and that she had knowledge of that suspension.”

It’s fun to dream, but there’s no way Paris Hilton is going to get actual jail time for this. Mary-Kate Olsen has a better chance of beating up a polar bear with her bare hands. And then eating it.

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  1. Ruby

    FROST!!! shit! i meant FRIST!!!

  2. thebor

    It would be awesome if she got in front of a judge that wanted to make an example out of her.

    The night vision prison porn would be fantastic!

  3. danielle

    Man, if only the bitch could be sentenced to Death Row for spreading that deadly bird flu.

  4. lambman

    Um, she should totally go to jail for this….and it is VERY likely that she will…though not for the max sentence.

    If you have a DUI, and get your license suspended, and then drive, violating your parol that means that any time that was stayed from your sentence will now go into effect and you have to serve it.

  5. Forget about it, EVEN IF SHE DID GO TO JAIL… she would totally pay her way out after 15 seconds of being held…. but, it

  6. veggi

    *sigh* will they send her to men’s or women’s correctional facility?

  7. dolemite48

    Is she ever *NOT* on the phone? How glamorous.

  8. danielle

    Well, if she could pay her way out out…wouldn’t it be a smart idea to set the bail ABOVE $2.00?

  9. veggi

    In the 5th picture: She’s trying to unlock the door with her cell phone. tee hee.

  10. danielle

    Who the hell is that scary looking troll in the background? (1st pic) He looks sadistic.

  11. Superevil

    I would love it if she got raped by some big bull dyke in jail.

  12. veggi

    GET YOUR LAZY EYE FIXED!

  13. Jimbo

    Lazy eye? How about her lazy ass, her lazy face, and her lazy everything else? Why is she even famous?

  14. veggi

    oh, don’t be so hard on her Jimbo. She did get off her lazy ass on to her back to make a sex tape….

  15. danielle

    Is it even physically possible for anyone to even kiss Parasite? I try to imagine the act in my head but all I get is a pair of lips running off into the sunset crying.

    Strange.

  16. Jimbo

    And what is with these tramps all of a sudden looking like the just came from Church?

  17. Jimbo

    And it was a lot of work to spread her lazy legs and put them real high into the air.

  18. Let’s all pray that she gets shanked in the spleen.

  19. tits_on_snack

    Huh. Yeah. I just still can’t believe that’s what her schnozz looks like AFTER a nosejob.

  20. YouRang

    One of you should write a screenplay involving Paris Hilton and Chuck Norris. It can start off with Paris saying “That’s Hot.” Then two seconds later, she can say “You broke my fucking nose” and Chuck will say “it’s a gigantic target.” From that point forward Paris should be beaten like a homo at a bike rally. You’ll make a million dollars.

  21. superfish, mary-kate has a better chance of eating period. that skinny blonde whore would be lucky to have half a hotdog in her system now THAT’S hot…wait, no it’s not.

  22. N@ughty

    oh yea, Paris? DON’T DROP THE SOAP!

  23. daguz

    Holy crap, Batman! I never realized she has MAN-HANDS!!!!! Oh well, it goes well with her big stinky feet.

  24. danielle

    @20.

    I think Parasite and Blowhan would be a better match.

    Ya see, Parasite can start out by accusing Blowhan of stealing her Valtrex prescription refill and slap her across the face so hard that a few freckles fall off.

    Then, Blowhan can say “That’s Hot”…

    And then greasy bear aka Brandon Davis shows up outta nowhere and hits Parasite in the head with a brick. I dunno, I’m kinda going for a “Brandon and Blowhan Run Off in the Sunset to Make Alien Babies” kinda ending.

    Not sure if it will get picked up by FOX but hey, it’s gotta be better than Amerian Idol ya know, ever since Sanjaya’s been screwing it up.

  25. http://hollywoodsquared.com/ urging you to become famous not infamous.

  26. herbiefrog

    hey babe…

    isnt it about time… ?

    …to shave that head ?

    keep your f*****g comments
    about our friends…
    to yourself

    …and
    …apologise when necessary

    or just die : )

    noone will notice [or care]

  27. sevenandaswitchblade

    If you look at the first pic just from the elbow up, it looks like Piss is carrying around a metro (i.e. gay) yoda in her bag.

    In a really catty voice:
    “Ready you are not until you can take an entire fist honey.”

  28. Conky

    Dum-Dum really needs to hire a limo driver.

  29. danielle

    She’s hot as hell, and so is Lohan with her perky nipples through the tshirt.

  30. That would be cool if she went to jail. My new toy came with a free DVD and it showed this woman locked in jail and the BIG guard came over and flipped her upside down and they did a standing 69. That’s what I picture when I think of Paris in jail. Well, lunch time!!!

  31. veggi

    She lost her boobs again.

  32. ImaCracka

    Now that is one reality show i would watch..

    Paris getting banged with a plunger by some big butch dyke…..

    Woohoo!!!!!!

  33. schack

    she didn’t lose the boobs. look at the one taken from the side. she looks pregnant.

  34. veggi

    maybe they fell into her stomach.

  35. schack

    13. she’s famous for being famous. duh. paris is like puberty or balding. the onset is never clear, goes unnoticed, but one day you realize it’s already happening to you.

  36. schack

    and there’s no turning back.

  37. Sakura

    Did she take off her color lenses in the other pics? I can see her brown eyes.

  38. Jimbo

    Her tits are inflatable. Just put an air hose to her nipples and blow them up

  39. schack

    umm, someone might have to kill me for saying this, but i actually really like what she’s wearing. i would wear that in a second.

  40. veggi

    I agree schack. Meet you in hell.

  41. schack

    #38- “yesterday’s science fiction is today’s science”

    fembot or the real paris?

  42. lookma_nohans

    Pah-ris, baby, the skirt is supposed to cover the control tops. Nobody wants to see your thigh-rubber peeking out.

  43. Jimbo

    @35 – At least with puberty you have something new and fun to play with. With Paris, you are just hoping that she goes away or tries to out run that Metrolink train

  44. BigJim

    Martha Stewart is going to make Paris her bitch.

  45. schack

    i didn’t really get anything new…it was just invasion of the body hair. but i guess the analogy breaks down for people who got nice dicks and breasts.

  46. imran karim

    she’ll never go

  47. BarbadoSlim

    And NO, I don’t want her in a soft-porn Caged Heat fun for the guys prison. I want her in a mental/infectious/disease/medical tight security facility. Preferably 100 stories under ground.

  48. Jimbo

    Maybe you did not get anything new beside body hair, but some switches were turned on and there were some new found toys to play with. Boy find them and use them much more often

  49. neonpoppy

    Why oh why with all the sh*t that’s going on in the world today, the thing that I want to know more than any other is what the hell is going on with her breasts?

    Is this a recent pic?

  50. jackspratling

    Paris Hilton goes to the gynecologist. The doctor immediately recognizes her, and despite her bad reputation, all of his professionalism goes out the window and he is smitten. He immediately asks her to undress. After Paris disrobes, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

    “Do you know what I am doing?” he asks.

    “Yes,” Paris replies. “You are checking for any abrasions or abnormalities, I guess. That’s hot.”

    “That is right.” says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I am doing now?”

    “You are checking for any lumps or breast cancer. That’s so hot.” she replies.

    “Correct,” says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. “Do you know what I am doing now?”

    “Yes,” Paris replies. “You are getting herpes, which is what I came here about in the first place.”

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