Apparently elephants are getting wasted on rice beer and terrorizing parts of northeast India. Ah, peer pressure. Activists are trying to keep the elephants away from the booze and, in a bizarre twist, they’ve found a champion: Paris Hilton. Paris went on record in Tokyo last week about this tragic chain of events, according to the AP:
“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”
Last month, six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking the potent brew and then uprooting an electricity pole.
“There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn’t chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad,” Hilton was quoted as saying.
So some elephants got a bit tipsy and tore down some power lines. Big deal. I do that all the time. Then I usually go home and puke in the vegetable crisper. Whenever the maid sees it, I’m like, “Maybe you should cook more vegetables then they wouldn’t look like that.” But the Jack Daniels label kind of tips her off. I gotta stop drinking the whole bottle. I don’t care if those kids on the playground keep daring me to. Although I really shouldn’t drink in the middle of their morning recess. Or at least move over by the sandbox and hang with the quiet kid. Sure, he might have a few too many imaginary friends and eats the sand, but, what really matters is, he’s not a cop. The end.
frist
First?
FIRST you semen suppository gulpers!
Frist??? FRIST???
I’m surprised. You seemed like the last person who would be such a fucking retard, but there you are.
Well, first to spell right. Today I’ve achieved something.
Are you kidding?
Put the responsibility for that fiasco where it belongs: on the parents of those elephants!
@4 that is a FRIST troll. Hard to tell them apart at times
This has been happening for a long time. How the fuck do you think Dumbo could fly? That nigga was on PCP…………
hm. maybe paris should go to india. and maybe she’ll get trampled by a drunk elephant.
Is it too late to take Al Gore’s Nobel Peace Prize away and award it to Paris for her awesome work?
I ask you this one simple question: If Paris doesn’t stick up for these poor drunken efalumps, WHO WILL????
Send Britney’s fat ass over there, put a mahout on her back and let him whip her turd cutter using Paris’ limp frame as a riding crop. They can safely lead the elephants to Starbucks or to the nearest gas station for a proper snack and a drink.
What the hell happened to that crap she was supposed to do in Africa?
Don’t you just love her bag. Where did she get it?
She is a waste. It would be hard to tell the difference between her and the elephant poop.
Oh yeah, you mean this? http://www.moviestvmusic.com/2007/10/16/paris-hilton-the-philanthropist/
What the hell keeps her head from floating off?
Can someone put a bullet in her head….please?
“potent brew” hmm does that something like anyone would say? Maybe if they memorized an AP article to try and seem relevant.
Druck elepahants? She’s upset about drunk elephants? Stupid twat. I guess that whole mess in Rwanda is all cleared up.
My question is how do these elephants get the beer? Do they have a clydesdale buy it for them? Tonight I’m going to party like a Pachyderm.
“The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”
Replace “the elephants” with Paris, Britney, or Lindsay, and you have yourself yet another celebrity cause to get behind.
Look Wonkey…….I’m only going to tell you this once…….Leave the fucking drunken elephants alone!!!!
who writes these amazingly hilarious and ingenius articles? i come to this site solely to laugh. god bless you, muscle, crotch display man, for you make my day.
are you single?
This is obviously the only cause that will have her.
where was this cunt
when Chris Farley was alive?
Ka – POW !
thank you Trenton, seat belts save lives, have a safe drive home
Less alcohol for elephants = more alcohol for Paris
See? Easy to figure out why she supports this cause.
She is so sexy with the gorgeous dress on her. Is she single now? Her profile and photos were found on the millionaire and celebrity dating club (Millionairematch.com/photo/bloger). “She is very picky about guys,” according to officials of that site, “they have to be fertile douches or she won’t date them!”
India, Africa, whatevs.
She should make a reality show like Jackass/Wild Boys where elephants pee in her mouth, and then she goes swimming in a sewer treatment facility, or gets flipped upside down in a porta-potty.
I’d watch that.
I know this is old news but apparently it’s wrong.
Check this out
She’d rather help drunk elephants than help the dying children of Africa!!