In a story I’m pretty sure is made up, Paris Hilton was forced to drive from Las Vegas to Los Angeles when airline officials told her she couldn’t bring her six pets onto the plane. She says:
“I bought, like, a monkey, a tiger and some ferrets. I tried to bring them on a commercial flight and they wouldn’t let me fly with all the animals. They said it wasn’t a travelling circus. So I had to drive all the way home from Vegas in the limo with all these animals, there was like six. It was a lot.”
The story is believable up until her quote. I know Paris is stupid, but she’s not so ridiculously stupid that she’s turned into a caricature of herself. This is like the script for an SNL skit that was mistakenly turned into a fake press release. And nobody says “commercial flight.” They just say “flight.” What other kinds of flights are there? And who are the people that are talking about them?
EDIT: Fine, there are private flights. That still doesn’t explain how Paris Hilton could possibly own a tiger and expect to bring it onto a plane. Unless the scientists have finally done it and replaced her brain with a toaster oven.
*EDIT: Mother of God, the story is true. Reader Christine confirms the quote is from a BBC Radio 1 interview with Scott Mills. So every terirble thing you’ve ever thought about Paris Hilton think it again. Think it again real hard.
by the way…..what the fuck is she wearing?
#101 – It’s whorrible…
I never really noticed her lousy posture, too. She looks like Lerch.
Wow those sunglasses are hideous. How anyone could call that style is beyond me. I guess they are looking to the circus for the next big fad as I swear these are off any of the countless clown props you will see at the circus. They cover your whole face; I guess she is trying to block the UV’s on her face???
she hangs out with Pam Anderson ONE night and now she’s an animal lover. How long do you think it took for her to forget to have them fed and watered?
You obviously have never had sex with a box of hair. It’s fucking mindblowing.
#106-”It’s like a thousand little kitty cats rubbing against my balls…..” Knee-High Park, Chapelle.
I truely enjoy jrzmommy’s life policies – and Oshkosh’s quick wit. I am torn here on who to be rooting for. Almost makes me wish Lamebananas got run over by a truck to distract me.
jrzmommy, I take back all that stuff I said about your QVC jewelry and your big hair. You’re OK in my book, kid.
and I take back whatever mouthy shit I’ve said to you, too, Osh.
directly after these pictures were taken paris was heard to say:
“i pity da fool that dont let me on a plane wit a tiger.”
and if you dont get that reference, killyourself for being born after 1985. thanks!
#108. you should always root for osh, because, shes killed a bear with parafin wax, popsicle sticks and her titties while she was high on lsd and eating a homeless man with dog shit as a condiment.
i think thats how the story went anyway.
I have funny images of a passed-out drunk Whoreus Hilton sprawled out in the back of a stretch limo driving through the desert with all these wiggly little ferrets slithering in and out of her clothes and pissing and shitting all over the place, a big tiger in a cage panting smelly tiger breath all over the place and a fucking monkey wearing her behemoth sunglasses hanging from the Oh-Jesus strap squawking the proverbial monkey squawk.
jizz that image would be better if she was naked, and the ferrets crawling around were getting close to her koo-chi. and then once they crossed a certain point they just dropped dead from the toxic fumes. and then the tiger broke free and ate her. good times.
Ok enough of Paris. I know no one is gonna be on my side.
how bout a Courtney Cox Nipple Slip??!!
http://www.egotastic.com/
she has little nipples my nipples could eat her nipples for breakfast.
btw, megMAN Harri… i hate you
I didn’t realize Courtney Cox was still in existence.
#113 I have funny images of clowns with their skin splitting open revealing God’s secrets and telling me my neighbor’s dog’s name is Azazel, and is unclean. Some “doctors” told me I was getting “medicine” for this, but I knew they were just members of the Illuminati trying to get me to eat tracking chips so they could prevent me from telling the truth about things. Paris Hilton is obviously a werewolf, just like the heads of the World Bank and the Black Ops Teams the CIA has running every fast food chain in the Pepsico family. Anti-smoking commercials are a plot by the DNC to turn our children into homosexual shock troops in the Final Race War, and we’re only having a war in Iraq because ancient Babylon was the true location of Atlantis, and the Shadow Government fears we will discover Noah’s Ark and the secrets it holds about faster-than-light travel.
118–wow. I need to get my ass to church after that. To take control of a mind like that……
I hope you use your powers for good, Doc. If not we’re all just a little more fucked.
#119 Everyone knows that churches all serve to cover up atomic beams which are intended to combat the Savior when he returns to Earth to combat the Anti-Christ. In 1961 when Jack Kirby joined Marvel comics, he created “Galactus” as an allegory for Christ, and it was then known that Stan Lee feared Jesus, and all references to “God” in Marvel Comic books disappeared in a cloud of sinful hippie smoke.
#116 glad to see you back. I missed U in the previous posts.
Methinks Paris is a bootlegged version of a human being.
you remind me of Dennis Hopper’s character in “Apocalypse Now,” Doc.
I was looking up ‘scuzzy’ on an imaginary dictionary this morning, and there was Paris’ face. Bobbing up and down. I love imaginary dictionaries.
holly J DIE. you are so fucking annoying its actually painful for me to read your comments. paris hilton also needs to die. if thats not animal cruelty i dont know what is.
#118 and #121 I think Scientology was founded on your ideas. Tomcock will love to suck u.
#116 don’t let Jesus see those nipples. He might pop a boner.
Yeah? Well this one time at Church Camp I looked up into the clouds and Paris Hilton’s face appeared and swooped down and was trying to bite me, but then I realized she was really trying to tell me in the voice of Pat Robertson that I should collect the inner ear bones of the unbelievers (meaning Hippies and Pinko Commie Faggots). And that’s how my inner ear bone collection started.
The tiger was probably an orange tabby and Whoreus is just too stupid to know the difference.
#126 Fortunately, I removed my penis years ago after realizing it had been surgically grafted onto me at birth. Now I keep it in a pickle jar in a fluid that retards psychic energy, to keep it from reporting me to its masters at the UN. I would only let Tom Cruise even look at it if he acknowledged the fact that that same institution is run by an ancient race of vampire overlords who use the Red Cross as a front to collect blood from all-too-willing cattle. Pat Robertson is secretly British, and fears discovery. Inner ear bones are exchanged as currency in southern areas of Kentucky, where they have no laws and there exists only one Scots-Irish bloodline.
Just have to say i loved JZ”S comment on her life accomplishments, that totally squashed meganharris’s bullshit about how awesome paris hiltons life is. I also loved osh’s life accomplishments as well, they may be a litlle different than jz’s but still just as important! love you guys!
Last week when I was eating Salvia leaves with my teenage nieces and nephews, I saw Carol Channing and Lambchop committing acts of beastiality of biblical proportions while the cast of “The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” looked on with astonishment. This was all set to the music of The Art of Noise. I decided to stick with licking toads and huffing glue after that.
129 – heh heh. you said ‘retards’.
#132 A “retard” is anyone who doesn’t know that when they offer you freshly ground pepper at the Olive Garden, they’re trying to give you cancer.
Maybe she bought the tiger that tried to eat Roy. That would be a good thing.
Freshly ground cancer is also good roasted with cardamom and sprinkled on fish. Cancer-encrusted salmon will make you see Jesus. And Jesus is looking good these days. I think he’s been working out.
@131 That’s some funny shit!
Wow Megan Harris, you really are a clueless dolt aren’t you?
The only reason she has “accomplished” any of that is because of little pukes like you.
You let shows like ET tell you what you should like, and then you drool over these sluts wishing so badly that you could be them. Then you run out and buy everything they have attached their name to, perpetuating the cycle.
Don’t you think it’s a little sad that people like Paris get so much money and attention for doing ANY of the things you mentioned, yet everyday heroes like jrzmommy are consistantly overworked and underpayed? You should stop gobbling up everything the pop culture media feeds you and start thinking for yourself. Maybe then you will realize that eating a hamburger in your bathing suit is hardly a fucking accomplishment.
MeganHarris is just a social retard, it’s best to ignore her like a stray dog and scroll past her comments just like I do every single fucking day. If anything is worse than Paris Hilton, it’s sticking up for Paris Hilton with electronic strangers on a site that’s specifically designed to make fun of people like her. I understand you returning to this site because you’re a giant loser, but you could atleast create a new identity in an attempt to “fool” us all
” 96. Posted by jkough on June 30, 2006 10:31 AM
How the HELL do you transport a TIGER in a limo ”
VERY CAREFULLY
#86
jrzMOMMY = fucking pathetic screenname (anything with “mommy” in it, actually). Who the hell cares that you’ve spawned – who gives a shit about your precious mommy-status? Oh, and your a “hospital exec” and have “interns” and have:
1. Given birth and raised a child? (so what? You and 6 billion other people including Anna Nicole Smith)
2. Received a degree of any sorts? (Again, big fucking deal. LOTS of total morons have degrees including George W Bush)
3. Nursed a child back to health after cancer? (so what do you think that makes you, Mother fucking Theresa?)
4. Acted as a human shield for witnesses to crimes against humanity in war-torn countries? (Excuse me???? Do you expect anyone to actually believe that?)
5. Held a baby with HIV after it was abandoned by it’s mother? (by “held” do you mean for like 8 seconds? Again, so the fuck what?)
Get over yourself! Your post was as puke-worthy as the one you were responding to.
1. My poetry has won the Nobel Prize for literature
2. I invented a new strain of rice that will grow in any conditions and end world hunger
3. I cured an entire African village of AIDS AND cancer
4. I have 9 PhDs and am the president of an ivy league university
5. I’ve donated $485 million to charity
6. I will soon reveal myself as the messiah
So fuck off
140/1.
You are completely stupid. I can’t believe by how much you missed the fucking point. Comment #86 was another response to MeganHarris’ claims that Paris is talented, has done important things and we should all want to be ‘like’ her, NOT someone shouting their mouth off about how great they are. I hope the next time you go to hospital for something severe, someone like Jrzmommy is just too busy and throws your ass back out in the street.
I’m gonna have to go with the tiger in the limo being BS. Although it does have a certain appeal.. “After 3 hours contained in limo, tiger rips Paris Hilton’s head off and chews it over her torn and mangled body.”
79 whether or not ur comparing yourself to her which i never said you were you still watch her every move and take the time to write about it so if u didnt like her then u wouldnt know enough about her to sit here and write abouth 4 paragraphs about her
Paris is one of the most hideous females I have ever seen… and her porn vid was LAME… I would rather watch scat that what she had to offer…
Paris needs to fuck off and join the circus
Hey Raggat–um, whatever that is…..What’s the matter, kitten, was you cellmate too rough on your gunt that day and your bellyache made you cranky? I’m sure your IQ hovers somewhere in the low dull-normal range. I understand where your irrelevant rage comes from, however, since all you’ve managed to accomplish in your life is to catch chlamydia the most times in your family and watch every episode of Jerry Springer. Get bent. I’ll send you a postcard the next time I’m in the Balkans, you clueless douchebag.
guys, be nice. maybe she’s just into beastiality and has sex with tigers and ferrets and very small dogs. god, why won’t people just accept others??!
i can’t believe that’s true. I mean i suppose it is true, but it just seems… not
Paris has the most amazing lack of muscle tone I’ve ever seen on such a painfully thin person. I predict she’s going to be a serious fatty in the future.