I’m not even gonna try to catch up on the past four days so we’ll just pretend nothing happened and start fresh. According to the London Star Paris Hilton has been giving Britney Spears private striptease lessons, and the two have been practicing on a stripper pole in Paris’s Hollywood house.
“Paris took Britney upstairs where she fitted her in a blue tutu, and then Paris put on a matching tutu,” a source told the London Star. “They then went downstairs and danced at Paris’ in-house stripper pole. Britney loves her new moves and can’t wait to get a fella and test them out.” Meanwhile, Hilton has been spotted stroking Spears’ thigh, leading some to believe that they were planning a same-sex gesture at the Billboard Music Awards, but the two have since pulled out of hosting duties.
I’m trying to picture these two attempting to striptease in matching tutus but the only thing I can come up with is a clown porno set to circus music.
Here come the Locust, just in time for the holidays.
Late Flight Superfish?
I hope Britney wiped off the stripper pole before using it! Hygiene first!
Superfish, The least you could of done was put up a post filling us in on your trip…we’ve been carnivorously chewing on each other here while we faithfully awaited your return and this is how you pay us back…huh?!?
Remember when you ran away
And I got on my knees
And begged you not to leave
Because I’d go beserk
Well you left me anyhow
And then the days got worse and worse
And now you see I’ve gone
Completely out of my mind
And they’re coming to take me away ha-haaa
They’re coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha haaa
To the funny farm
Where life is beautiful all the time
And I’ll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats
And they’re coming to take me away ha haaa
You thought it was a joke
And so you laughed
You laughed when I said
That losing you would make me flip my lid
Right? You know you laughed
I heard you laugh. You laughed
You laughed and laughed and then you left
But now you know I’m utterly mad
And they’re coming to take me away ha haaa
They’re coming to take me away ho ho hee hee ha haaa
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they’re coming to take me away ha haaa
I cooked your food
I cleaned your house
And this is how you pay me back
For all my kind unselfish, loving deeds
Ha! Well you just wait
They’ll find you yet and when they do
They’ll put you in the A.S.P.C.A.
You mangy mutt
And they’re coming to take me away ha haaa
They’re coming to take me away ha haaa ho ho hee hee
To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time
And I’ll be happy to see those nice young men
In their clean white coats
And they’re coming to take me away
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they’re coming to take me away ha haaa!
And that was amusing how?
Oh sure. It’s all Paris’s fault Britney is like that.
2006′s biggest losers at:
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
Get the alcohol wipes! Ugh… that poor pole.
Question to the masses:
Paris was only in the spotlight in the first place because her father owns Hilton hotels and is a brilliant businessman in his own right. No reporter that I’ve seen has ever tracked him down to stuck a microphone in his face to get his stuttering and (I can only imagine) completely embarrassed reaction.
Is he dead?
Um, Brit? That shirt and skirt don’t fit.
who gives a shit, ok let’s get moving with the posts.
#10- the openings on her ever so tight shirt is suppose to match her tacky outdated open toe shoes.
Welcome back. I now know I am addicted to your blog. Should probably get some therapy.
Hope your family is okay.
Did someone say therapy? hehe
Is Britney borrowing Paris’s shirts now as well as her stripper poles?
Why oh why couldnt this be adriana lima and salma hayek? Seems like the all the steamy lesbian gossip belongs to chicks nobody really wants to screw.
http://celebriteaze.blogspot.com
can you imagine the smell of that pole? musty musk.
and what’s up with that mark on Brit’s left wrist? didn’t know she had a tat there….maybe it’s half a heart with Paris getting the other half tattooed on her privates…that way when Brit fists Paris, the heart becomes one….
Lesson in Futility 101 – you have to wear underwear in order to strip it off.
Could you imagine Paris’ house on MTV cribs? “This is my own personal striper pole, this is the BDSM room and here is my on-site abortion clinic!”
I bet that pole has the smell and texture of a floor on a deep sea fishing boat!!!!
Let’s hope *this* happens to both of their stupid asses.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGzu8kkw49Q
um…so did k-fed burn all of britneys clothes? cause whats with the skirt and fishnets..did we get a little scissor happy?…and i wasn’t gunna mention it but…i must warn you…everyone better watch out….her shirt buttons might go at any minute…don’t want anyone to get hit in the eye or anything….i guess this is what happens when white trash tries to mingle with high class….er wait…stripper pole involved…and paris hilton involved…nope ok sorry scratch the high class part…my mistake. white trash all around!
#21
In Britney’s case let’s hope not – when she lands like that there’ll be breastmilk all over`the floor.
wtf is brandon davis doing in the background of those pictures? wasn’t he banned from hyde for being an utter dickhole? the glare from his greasyness actually distracted me for a moment from the hideousness of brit’s shirt.
“Private striptease lessons”? Showing your vajajay to the world 4 days in a row is private?
And Paris’ eye looks particularly wonky in that photo…*shutter*.
Welcome back, by the way. While you were gone, I had to get my daily fix at Perez Hilton and I’ll tell ya, I think my IQ dropped a few points in the process.
Britney seriously doesn’t have the body to be doing stripping!!! Paris has a pretty face and body, so she could get somewhere :|
Oh yeah and the last pic of Britney, the dude in the background to the left looks like Elvis Presley lol :p
Also, the first pic of Paris, her eyes are so mysterious, she looks like she’s seen a cock!
“bloated hooker receptionist” is britney’s new look. those buttons look like they are strained beyond all hope trying to hold in her girth.
i can’t wait to hear about britney being paris’s scat pig. she’s so easy to manipulate because she has no brain.
@24 hahhaha Brandon Davis. That oily sonofabitch has to be the luckiest guy ever. I can’t tell tou how many guys like him have approached me over the years that I have given the old “Sorry,I am a lesbian” or “Sorry, But I only fuck black men” lines.
Why is he so oily and greasy????????/
#17 lol! The pole obviously smells like Paris’s puke and vagina! Maybe privately since she can’t have sex for more than a month and that’s it, she humps the pole instead and leaks over that.
I bet she’s gonna have soooo much sex once that bet or whatever it is over….or maybe she’s already broken the bet since she’s been so drunk she can’t even remember what happened!
I’m glad to see Paris is giving back to todays youth, where would we be without her guidance?!
http://www.scandalsnappers.com/
#29
PrettyBaby, I think he is his own lube machine because if he DOES get lucky it has to be quick. Like before she has time to wake up.
i suspect the pole doesn’t go all the way to the ceiling for when paris needs something more “substantial” than a human rod.
I’ve seen her sex tape, and based on that her idea of stripping must be laying on her back and occasionally giggling.
Oh, and spreading herpes.
#29 – prettybaby: i’m pretty sure that his sleaziness has manifested itself into his skin, and so as long as he keeps behaving like he’s god’s gift to women he’s going to shine like he just took a bath in baby oil. i never got what those girls ever saw in him…o no wait he’s rich…so basically, they’re whoring themselves….got it.
doesn’t britshit have enough cash to hire a stylist?
It’s good to see that Britney picked a capable mentor. I mean where would she be without Paris’ guidance.
It’s good to see that Britney picked a capable mentor. I mean where would she be without Paris’ guidance.
#37 Yeah, she DOES need a hair stylist. Her hair just makes her face look like her eyes are taking over her face *_*
“She looks like a tranny up close.”–Tina Fey
Truer words have never been spoken.
Brit and Paris sex video… that would be interesting.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/paris-hilton-video.htm
Well, damn. That pole’s got to be carrying enough yeast for a loaf of bread.
What the hell is up with her eye? It’s not just a lazy eye, it actually looks like it came from another person’s face. How does that happen?
Ok,
You are a supposedly Hot, Rich, Stylish celeb. Yet you always get up and do stiptease dances in whatever clubs you are in. How pathetically insecure can you get? Whats Wrong Paris, did Daddy give Nikki more attention when you were younger?
#42 – it’s because she wears blue contacts. her eyes are naturally brown and she wishes she had blue eyes. she also insists that when she does photoshoots for magazines that they edit the photo so her eyes look naturally blue….and that is one of the many reasons her eyes look so fucked. it could also be because the stds have made it impossible for her to see straight.
Look at that picture and then try to imagine what she will look like in 10 years…Does Donatella Versace come to mind?
http://i.a.cnn.net/cnn/2006/WORLD/europe/03/24/donatella.versace/story.versace.gi.jpg
and, 43 you nailed it. Paris has everything, yet she is an insecure stupid young woman.
Can’t wait for the sex tape yo!
http://wampoon.com
So I guess Brit & Paris are the new Paris & Nicole. I wonder if Paris will be as bitter when Brit loses all the baby weight as she was when Nicole got skinny. Hmm.
strippers, ballerinas and lesby sex….yeah, i can see how they interrelate. *rolls eyes*
why is britney cutting all her skirts shorter?! My goodness, I think she can afford a tailor.
There’ll be enough fake hair and animal diseases for us to make our own pet pony!
why do I pay a tailor to hem my skirts? I am so yesterday! obviously, its so Today, to just cut them off with the scissors and wear the ragged edge.