Here’s Paris Hilton sunbathing on a yacht in Rio yesterday which I’m posting instead of the non-surprising news that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden got engaged after pumping out two kids. For the record, I’m not saying this was the smarter choice as much as I’m just narrating my life as it unfolds.
I look over to the box of Cinnamon Life, my muscles rippling in the morning light. Would this be a satisfactory breakfast or should I make Papoo, my indentured man-servant, fetch me an omelet? Sure, he’s only a figment of my imagination, but that doesn’t stop us from solving all those murders and letting the cops take the credit. It’s a thankless job we don’t like to brag about it unless it ends in free BJs from women who appreciate justice which I remain confident will eventually happen. At least once.
Oveta | February 16, 2010 at 11:58 am
huh?
Cate | February 16, 2010 at 11:59 am
I hate her… but i love her body.
There, I said it.
Cate | February 16, 2010 at 11:59 am
Edited to add:
Minus the herpes, of course.
dude | February 16, 2010 at 12:04 pm
nice pancake ass in the last shot
Adderall makes me gay! | February 16, 2010 at 12:14 pm
MWA HAA HAA HAA, THOSE FOOOOOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY LET ME BACK IN, THEY WILL NEVER LEARN.
HA HA. I AND MY MINIONS SHALL RULE THIS SITE
WITH TYRANNY AND STRIKE DOWN ALL WHO GET
IN OUR WAY. COME MY LITTLE SWEETIES AND LET
US FEAST UPON THE SOULS OF THE DAMNED WHO
DARE TO ENTER THIS SITE!!!! AHH HAA HAA HAA HAA
‘Lightning & thunder boom, as the screech of bats and
the flapping of their wings is heard’ ‘And then …..
Parker | February 16, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Is it just me or does everyone else wish Paris had an ass worth sticking your weiner into? You can’t get herpes from anal sex, right?
Taz | February 16, 2010 at 12:20 pm
she gives good head
?? | February 16, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Papou…boy, esai ellinas;
?!? | February 16, 2010 at 12:36 pm
Is it me, or does Doug look like he’s contemplating tossing himself overboard to get away from the attention whore?
Medical Question: | February 16, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I wonder how Doug avoids getting Herpes?
Or does he just accept he’ll get it and doesn’t use any protection?
FYI, its still very possible to get Herpes while wearing a condom, as many female’s sores are at the opening of the Vajayjay, where the Male part is not always protected.
coolio g | February 16, 2010 at 12:38 pm
witty comment in italics
drewjewaw | February 16, 2010 at 12:49 pm
Speaking of pancakes, I want to squirt my baby batter on her stomach.
havoc | February 16, 2010 at 1:01 pm
She doesn’t wear bikinis…..she poses in them.
.
havoc | February 16, 2010 at 1:01 pm
She doesn’t wear bikinis…..she poses in them.
.
Poozy | February 16, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Love the swimsuit! Paris is lucky to be born rich, very young and have this lifestyle!
Freebie | February 16, 2010 at 1:16 pm
I want to be on a yacht in Rio instead of in 2 ft of snow. Its not fair.
Freebie | February 16, 2010 at 1:19 pm
I want to be on a yacht in Rio instead of in 2 ft of snow. Its not fair.
Sickitten | February 16, 2010 at 1:20 pm
I wonder if she’s giving her brown eyes a break from those silly hand painted blue contact lenses….
WTF AHH! | February 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm
P.S. he looks pissed as hell that he’s gotta sit there like a tool while she’s playing Barbie for the paps
Jeff | February 16, 2010 at 1:33 pm
no cellulite yet on her legs, but soon…
Cam Girls | February 16, 2010 at 1:53 pm
that’s hot
dee | February 16, 2010 at 2:11 pm
Every picture of her… EVERY single one proves that no amount of money can buy class and taste. lol
Kristen | February 16, 2010 at 3:04 pm
Pic #2, lying beside / in front of her… What is that? Man bush? LOOKS LIKE MAN BUSH.
I NEED TO KNOW.
RebelMinion | February 16, 2010 at 3:45 pm
I remain stunned that this pile of fail is somehow still paid attention too because she was lucky enough to slough her way out of a rich uterus.
In every measurable way, everything she has attempted from her own efforts has been a cautionary tale to the world on “what to do when you really want to suck”.
sofi | February 16, 2010 at 4:32 pm
Yeah….this site’s not funny or clever anymore. Movin on..
ITALIC COMMENTS!!!! | February 16, 2010 at 5:05 pm
LOVING THE NEW ITALIC COMMENTS. FISH KNOWS HOW TO KEEP THIS SITE FRESH!!!
duke | February 16, 2010 at 5:30 pm
@sofi (#25): Wait sofi!!!! Please don’t go…what will we do without YOU??? This website will suffer a loss from which it will never recover! NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
duke | February 16, 2010 at 5:35 pm
btw, it truly makes me cringe to see this vacuous pod-person posing for the paps like she is such hot shit. EFF YOU PARIS! She is way overdue for a shove down some stairs.
jlylec | February 16, 2010 at 6:52 pm
i don’t care what anybody says. i would fuck the shit out her…she’s hot as hell!
abby | February 16, 2010 at 7:15 pm
paris- let go
hottie4who | February 16, 2010 at 7:16 pm
New “Hot” = Flat chest, no boobs, no ass, flat backside
WhoSHot | February 16, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Hot – the man or her?????????
KIKI | February 16, 2010 at 7:19 pm
I just wanted to test out the cool new font. To Miss Hilton I say: meh.
KiKi | February 16, 2010 at 7:20 pm
Does my moniker look hotter this away?
nasty skank ho | February 16, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Someone needs to tell pair-ASS that she looks like shit & has no tits. What a nasty skank ho…
| February 16, 2010 at 7:45 pm
you too can recreate this magical moment. All you need is a retarded ostrich wearing a big hat and a boat full of honkys.
el ces | February 16, 2010 at 7:48 pm
aww god, paris.
please gimme some. i’ll do anything. ANYthing.
el ces | February 16, 2010 at 7:49 pm
aww god, paris.
please gimme some. i’ll do anything. ANYthing.
The Authority | February 16, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Say what you want about her as a person, but she always looks great in a bikini.
me | February 16, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I have a lot of respect for Paris. What other celebrity on her level, whatever level that may be, didn’t go out and get huge fake tits. She’s comfortable with her smaller tits and she looks great. She is also smart enough to know exactly what she is (just someone who came out of a rich vagina) and she uses the retarded papparazzi to her advantage to continue her “career”. There are plenty other trust fund kids out there who we’ll never know.
Psychikos | February 16, 2010 at 8:15 pm
I still think that Nicole Richie is so much better looking than Paris Hilton. She is just too thin for my taste.
http://www.psychikos.com
blah | February 16, 2010 at 8:22 pm
my life sucks
Psychikos | February 16, 2010 at 8:24 pm
You really do have to have a lot of respect for Paris. She’s 100% real, if fake is what your looking for than watch the movies but you have to hand it to her for being real. She looks good in the photos and wears that bikini well. You go Paris.
http://www.psychikos.com
Hate to admitt it | February 16, 2010 at 9:01 pm
I think she looks HAWT. Mind you, I wouldn’t get near her unless I was wearing a bio-suit. But to give credit where credit is due, she looks good here.
The Girl's Guide to Depravity | February 16, 2010 at 9:02 pm
That boat better come with seat protectors for future passengers.
Rasputins Liver | February 16, 2010 at 9:10 pm
*
“Paris Hilton still wearing a bikini”
*
That begs the question….why?
*
I mean, it’s not like she’s good lookin’ or anything. But then, if that old woman Hagdonna has the nerve to wear one in public then I guess Ms. Hiltoon can as well. Not that she either of them should, if they cared anything at all for their fellow human beings.
*
…*Sigh*….some people’s narcissistic wealthy elite. Just no sense of reality.
*
Lola | February 16, 2010 at 9:36 pm
She has an amazing figure. It’s just a shame about her face and diseases and personality.
Jahz Perez | February 16, 2010 at 10:02 pm
She’s really beautiful! She always looks good in whatever she wears.
big tits are bait for losers and ugly men only | February 16, 2010 at 10:49 pm
Paris is smart to not get the implants. Hot men like thin girls with smaller breasts. Slobs, rednecks, ghetto dudes like girls with BIG ones. This is pretty much a fact. Johnny Depps vs. Ice Teas
acecard | February 16, 2010 at 11:29 pm
It really looks like she’s trying to do a flip. And failing lol.