Paris Hilton reportedly landed her helicopter on a German farm so she could use the restroom, and had her security stop the family from entering their own house so she could pee in peace.
A source told Britain’s More magazine: “She gave the farmer a bit of a shock. Her bouncers even blocked the farm door so the family couldn’t go inside their own house while she was using the loo.” The star then allegedly spent another ten minutes on the startled farmer’s porch, so she could smoke a cigarette. The unnamed farmer said: “She was cold as a fish, and cursed about the weather.”
So this guy is minding his own business riding tractors and picking weeds and doing whatever else it is that farmers do when all of a sudden Paris Hilton flies in on her helicopter, kicks him out of his house, and uses his bathroom. She’s like a superhero, only instead of swooping in and saving lives she commandeers toilets and gets all huffy when her helicopter pilot misses and doesn’t smoosh the German farmer the way she ordered him to.
Jacq | June 22, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Cold? Fish? So the farmer fucked her…
Jacq | June 22, 2006 at 2:20 pm
I can say with absolute certainty, I would have shot the bitch for trespassin’. Everyone knows farmers all carry shotguns and shoot stuff from their porches.
pinky_nip | June 22, 2006 at 2:21 pm
Sounds like a South Park episode.
Only the chopper would have landed on Kenny.
Jacq | June 22, 2006 at 2:22 pm
I would have put sugar in the helicopter’s gas tank, told them that I didn’t have a phone and sent them for a walk. Hehehe.
Did she at least leave them enough money to buy a new toilet? Or at least a new seat?
Jacq | June 22, 2006 at 2:23 pm
See, that’s why I don’t flush when I go #2. If Paris ever shows up at my house she surely won’t be using my crapper.
Genevieve | June 22, 2006 at 2:25 pm
I’m just wondering how many barrels of disinfectant and years of hard radiation it will take before anyone can use that toilet again. It had Paris Hilton’s sperm-oozing, diseased vagina on it, for goodness’ sake.
MeanNate | June 22, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Yeah… you know, last week I was on the 10 Fwy here in los Angeles. And it hit me – I had to dump. I was about half-way home, and stuck in the worst traffic ever.
Do I turn around and go back to work to release the chocolate hostages? Or do I sit tight, and try to make it home.
I desperatly needed an answer from my bowels – would they be able to withstand the growling pressure that was building up in my dung bunker? Or would I lose it, right then and there – in the comfort of my truck surrounded by my fellow angelelinos?
I seriously considered pulling off and finding a dank alleyway in downtown LA, to jettison my brown cargo… but you know what? I held it. Because I have respect for the bums that call it home.
So fuck you, Paris. Next time, hold it bitch.
P.S. there are nail marks in my steering wheel from gripping it so tight.
waterranger | June 22, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Whole new meaning to “tractor incident” no wait, its still the same meaning. You got gonorhea from a tractor? and you call THAT the tractor story?
only with more stds.
carcass | June 22, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Diese Nutte!
I would burn down my house if I knew her skanky ass sat on my toilet seat.
Nimuë LaMer | June 22, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Why the fuck did they let her into their house????
German farmers need to take lesson from Southern American farmers. The helicopter would have been shot down 100 yards above the pasture.
Fuckin’ revenuers.
jane's eyre | June 22, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Yup, sounds just like Paris. The world is her toilet. And why the heck didn’t that farmer blow her away with his shotgun? You know every farmer packs one.
Italian Stallion | June 22, 2006 at 2:34 pm
I don’t think I’m gonna eat any farm boiught vegatables for awhile, you never know if tghey came from this now herpe farm or not……..
andrewthezeppo | June 22, 2006 at 2:34 pm
GROSS I hope the family has some LYSOL to get rid of all her STD’s, as if that would do the trick…maybe they should burn the bathroom and start over.
bigponie | June 22, 2006 at 2:35 pm
to bad, just a little more ways and they could have stop somewhere in afghanistan.
Giggles | June 22, 2006 at 2:35 pm
No way. This can’t be true. This is too much even for the skank ho, Ms. Hilton. Right? This can’t be true.
pinky_nip | June 22, 2006 at 2:35 pm
Why did the German cross the road?
He couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken.
tarjamarja | June 22, 2006 at 2:40 pm
7
Hilarious!! Chocolate hostages
Jordan | June 22, 2006 at 2:40 pm
And of course she won’t get in trouble for trespassing or kicking someone out of their own house. Jesus, somebody just shoot the bitch now so we can be done with her. I really don’t think you would go to prison for it…service to society and all.
Vas Deferens | June 22, 2006 at 2:41 pm
What a stupid cunt.
Italian Stallion | June 22, 2006 at 2:42 pm
#11 check out #2′s comment………..Sound familiar
MotherOfPearl | June 22, 2006 at 2:43 pm
I think this story is fake, cuz Miz Hilton seems to have no problems urinating in limos or on club floors. I mean, why would she develop healthy hygenic habits all of a sudden? She is truly a useless celebrity, and I refuse to stay at any Hilton hotel anywhere in the world. So there – take that, Miz Hilton. Take it up the ass.
ESQ | June 22, 2006 at 2:43 pm
I am sure she *thanked him* for his services..come on that is what she does for a living, right?
Whatever happened to just pissing in her mode of transportation? Or is that strictly other people’s vehicles? Like the cab ride she took.
BigJim | June 22, 2006 at 2:44 pm
Too bad she didn’t try to pull that shit in Texas. They’d a’ peppered her ass but good.
Alternatively, somebody should have told Herr farmer that miss Hilton was a jew.
RichPort | June 22, 2006 at 2:45 pm
Incinerate the toilet. Now.
Fuck it, burn the whole fucking farm down.
Are the Germans really pussies like that? I really thought she would have gotten hit in the critch with a pick axe or something. Where’s Bin Laden with a couple of Stingers when you need him???
eerriinn | June 22, 2006 at 2:46 pm
i heard this a LONG time ago…
ESQ | June 22, 2006 at 2:47 pm
Number 7 – definitely the best post of the day. Thank you I laughed so hard I farted here in at work and blamed my squeaky chair. Thanks for your great sense of humor.
Spindoc | June 22, 2006 at 2:50 pm
I just don’t believe this story. Like they wouldn’t have called the police. Last thing somebody with a nose like Paris wants is a bunch of Germans in uniform around her.
bigponie | June 22, 2006 at 2:51 pm
what the hell happened to that german farmer, did he whack off in the fields, fuck the goat, suck on the cow’s tits. He’s suppose to be a super race, he should’ve ram the copter with with his tractor, feed the guards to his bulls then have all his farm animals piss and crap on Paris… no good for nothin’ german
Chicagoboy | June 22, 2006 at 2:55 pm
What a stupid worthless cunt. . .
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | June 22, 2006 at 3:00 pm
We all know this story can’t be true because Paris would have just pissed in the nearest empty bottle or somewhere in the corner, even if she was three feet from a private, gold-enameled commode. Because she likes to pee pee.
hellooooooooo | June 22, 2006 at 3:01 pm
so, did she pay this farmer to use his toilet? or not? if she didn’t then that’s not right…but if she did then the article is making her look bad by leaving that part out.
Chicagoboy | June 22, 2006 at 3:02 pm
Anybody know where I can get an untraceable Stinger missle system? Am thinking of doing my own “charity work” over the weekend. . .
jane's eyre | June 22, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Thank you, Stallion, for bringing that to my attention. I must’ve missed that. It’s good to know that you can still monitor posts in your drunken state. What a relief.
BigJim | June 22, 2006 at 3:07 pm
#24:
Yup, the Germans are pussies all right. It comes from having their asses kicked in two world wars.
Deutschland, Deutschland! Uber alles! Yeah, fuckin’ right.
Fugurself | June 22, 2006 at 3:09 pm
I was about to say something interesting but the picture of that 1-800-dentist zapped away all my thoughts…..OK, let me try….
Paris Hilton is quite possibly the greatest living argument against child warning labels and child-proof caps…and condoms!
Nikk The Templar | June 22, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Tell me that this is just a hoax….please…..no rational human being that isn’t a head of state, Donald Trump, Bill Gates or some form of royalty can do this.
Jacq | June 22, 2006 at 3:15 pm
Anyone know if the farmer PLOWED her? Hahahahaherpe-ha SOM MLAB
Jacq | June 22, 2006 at 3:19 pm
This story makes me feel like Nazi Germany.
IFuckingHateYou | June 22, 2006 at 3:20 pm
awww fuck, here comes WW3.
Didn’t the Germans burn Paris in WWII?
Fucking Hitler, never could do anything right.
Jacq | June 22, 2006 at 3:22 pm
While I was locked out of my house for her to pee, I would have taken a mahoosive shit in her ‘copter.
BillyGurl | June 22, 2006 at 3:22 pm
what a fuckin idiot. someone please kill her. ala serial killer style. im really surprised with all the breeding psychos out there that this stupid twat is still unmaimed. seriously. someone please off her.
sauvage | June 22, 2006 at 3:22 pm
Listen, boys and girls.
Despite the fact that the story posted above happened when there still lay snow in Austria, that’s the point: Austria. Paris Hilton used the bathroom of a Tyrolean family in Ischgl which is located in Tyrol which is located in Austria. AND AUSTRIA IS NOT GERMANY! Austria may be little, but it is an independent European state with a government and elections and its own Constitution.
Please notify that.
twzzlrgirl | June 22, 2006 at 3:24 pm
O.k., so she’s contaminated all the toilets in the United States and has to go overseas to use the loo. Someone should build her an outhouse somewhere.
My guess is the family will just move at this point — cheaper than calling in the hazmat team.
Italian Stallion | June 22, 2006 at 3:24 pm
@33 Jane’s eyre , no problem, love ya….hehehehhehehehehe
pinky_nip | June 22, 2006 at 3:26 pm
@42: “Today’s geography lesson brought to you by: Sauvage… If you like Sausage, you’ll LOVE Sauvage! So full of processed meat you’ll think you’re in Germany, but it’s really Austria!!”
Btw, who the fuck cares where it happened.
Chicagoboy | June 22, 2006 at 3:27 pm
#39
The Germans burned Paris during WWII and now, ironically, Paris raging herpes sores are burning Germany. Worse than a Mad Cow epidemic!
BigEyedFish | June 22, 2006 at 3:27 pm
Holy shit.
I wonder if she left skids…
rori | June 22, 2006 at 3:28 pm
@42- You have notified us. I think the word you’re looking for might be “notice,” as in “Please notice that.” Or did you just think “notify” sounded smarter?
IFuckingHateYou | June 22, 2006 at 3:28 pm
#42 – the only thing that Austria has provided the world is Hitler & Schwarzenegger – maybe they deserve to be attacked by the Paris super-herpes.
Chicagoboy | June 22, 2006 at 3:29 pm
#45 Pinky you are my favorite.