Paris Hilton really, really wants to be relevant again

October 8th, 2008 // 128 Comments

Because everyone thought Paris Hilton’s political ad was so effing adorable, she somehow roped Martin Sheen into helping her beat a dead horse then rape its carcass. If The West Wing going off the air didn’t effectively end Martin Sheen’s career, this thing put him out of his misery.

EXTRA CREDIT: While I was typing this post, I couldn’t help but think “Wow, Paris Hilton is literally just a diseased labia away from careening into obscurity.” Which is sweet justice considering, up until recently, she was the queen of undeserved celebrity. But now Heidi & Spencer are mugging like trained chimps for that title. So, here’s the question: If you had to choose between the Douche Twins or Paris, which would you rather see fall off the face of the planet while the other remains a “celebrity?” (And you have to choose or else something catastrophic will happen like, I dunno, beer no longer tastes delicious.) DISCUSS.


  1. bayma

    What exactly do you mean Superficial by the word “again”?

  2. mohnameisqunt

    get rid of the the cabbage patch kid and his horsie.

  3. Karen

    For the love of anything holy, do away with the Spencer Prattle and Hoe-di Mount-a-vag (a stretch, but, whatever). I cringe every time I see them. They make me want to drink some Jim Jones Kool-Aid. A whole big sloppy gallon of it.

  4. Skip Smith

    One year ago, did anyone suspect that we’d rather get rid of someone else before Paris Hilton?

  5. Annie

    Paris should disappear, because Heidi’s kind of ugly and therefore makes me feel better about myself.

  6. Kurt

    Paris should “accidentally” leak a sex tape of her banging Heidi and Spencer. Then, if we keep our fingers crossed, the three will get in a huge fight on the side of a highway where they will all fall into oncoming traffic like in Cruel Intentions, but with way more dead, vapid “celebrities.”

  7. hate her

    Ugg, please stop posting Paris videos… no one cares about her and rightly so.
    I truly, literally, wish she would get hit by a bus. She don’t have to die, just let her be terribly disfigured so the media will not feel the need to feature her on mags, internet and tv anymore.

  8. Merrelyn

    I would rather Paris became our intergalatic ruler than have to look at one more photo of the douche twins thinking they’re superior. Their smugness makes me ill.

  9. Whatever

    I have never liked Paris, but I would rather have her around (can’t believe I am saying that) than the vapid douche twins. I can’t stand them so much I am actually taking the time to post for the first time. Seriously, they’re constant ridiculous posing for photos makes me want to gag everytime I see them. They don’t even look real anymore!

  10. I’m sure: IT’S HIGH TIME FOR PRISON AGAIN, folks!!

  11. Hymie

    Paris Hilton is a little bit smarter than we give her credit for, and she is funny to watch. The other two can go away. I did watch “the Hills” in my hotel room when I was traveling waiting for the MTV awards, and I regret that…

  12. Abraxus

    The Herpetic Paris is a much more pleasant sight to behold then the two fuktards! I can’t believe I am offering a possitive positon on Paris! Oh the humanity!

  13. Chris

    I choose all three, someone said it earlier, beat the Fucktard Twins to death with Paris. I say keep swinging until Paris stops moving.

  14. Tina

    Tie them all to a woodpile… and burn it…. simple…nothing remains. If I ever see that retarded mutha-eff – Spencer – I will not hestiate to punch him in the neck, and suffocate the shit out of him..

  15. Lachlan

    Keep Paris.

    i CANNOT believe i’m saying that, because i used to think she was the most vapid, pathetic waste of space on the planet… until i saw the first staged photos of ‘speidi’ on this site (and my wife explained what it was).

    since then, paris has stepped up her self-deprecation a notch to an almost william shatner-esque level, and ‘speidi’ have just got stupider, and ever more annoying.

    if i ever see another of their staged photos on this site again, i will find the geekologie writer’s mum, kidnap her, and start removing fingers until you remove the photos and bring me the charred remains of ‘speidi’.


  16. lboogie

    O thank God Paris won! It was sorta like chosing between herpes and gential warts.,,

  17. Amber

    Yes, definitely, Paris. None of this “spidey” stuff. They are officially the one (two) “celebrity” I never want to hear about about again.

  18. Dotti

    MORE PARIS!!!!

    I HATE Hedi and Spence

  19. pitseleh

    puking out my eyes. i’m literally puking out of my eyes.

  20. pitselej

    puking out my eyes. i’m literally puking out of my eyes.

  21. paris all the fucking way. DONE with the jetson twins.

  22. caro

    fuck heidi & spencer! i hope they die in some freak taco accident.

  23. el ces

    Long live the Paris!

  24. Coco

    Paris all the way.

  25. buzz

    paris. down with spencer and heidi.

  26. douchelzhymen

    even i have to say fuck the little bottom feeding, deperate to make it to the top so i’ll buy myself chest balloons to fly me there, fucking spiedi. i dont necessarily want to say more paris…… buuuuut MORE PARIS!

  27. mala mali


  28. Carrie

    Yeahhh while clearly they all need to be obliterated, I must vote for Heidi and Spencer based purely on the mathematics of the situation. Eliminate two-thirds or one-third? While that commercial made me almost go against the sound principles of logic and reasoning, I was able to look away long enough to put out the fire in my retinas, and so I vote for Douche Twins all the way.

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