Paris Hilton pretends to be spiritual, fails

March 4th, 2008 // 69 Comments

Paris Hilton pretended to look deeply spiritual by being photographed with a “monk” at the Urth Cafe over the weekend. Turns out the monk is an actor named Maxie Santillan. Oh, Paris, you magnificent moron you. TMZ reports:

He’s starred in tons of films and TV shows including “My Name is Earl” and “Pirates of the Caribbean.” According to IMDB, Maxie’s latest projects are all in “post production” so clearly he has enough free time to whore it up for Paris.

I don’t think this comes as a surprise to anyone considering Paris is about as spiritual as my left testicle. Notice I didn’t say the right one though. He’s hardcore Opus Dei. True story.


  1. hausfrau

    Why is she doing this? Does she have a court date coming up or something??

  2. Auntie Kryst

    What’s with all these dumbfucking buddahists just carrying around their cellphones out in the open like that? Selfish assholes.

  3. grobpilot

    fuckin’ whore

  4. Mal Gusto

    Auntie, the robes don’t have pockets. I bet she let him fuck her.

  5. grobpilot

    I guess the white dress means this fake guru gave her virginity back?

  6. mimi

    FISH GUTZ you have NO SOUL!

    GO Britney!

  7. Ruby

    What? You mean she has finished reading the bible to pursue other spiritual roads?

  8. She learned to be a Shaolin monk from David Carradine

  9. What a freakin’ retard.


    This girl is real crazy..

  11. Anal Fistula

    “my name is earl” is deeply spiritual. om tare tuttare ture soha.

  12. Matthew

    stupid stupid whore

  13. han shot first

    AHAHAHAHAHA!!!! What a dumbass… the question is, did she expect to get away with it? If so: what a DUMBASS.

    (Why did I keep wanting to type “dumpass”? Freudian slip?)

  14. morga

    Oh, she just heard that there was some “missionary work” that needed to be done…

  15. Grunion

    Is it wrong I want her to get bowel cancer and die a slow painfull angonizing death?

    Why god why are herpes not fatal….

  16. lolwhat

    his name is actually “Maxie Santillan” according to TMZ and IMDB

  17. kitty kitty

    she’s definitely spiritual. i hear that she’s going to start closing her legs all day sunday.

  18. theboss

    HAHAHAHAHA *cough* HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! what a douche!

  19. Hill Billy

    Ain’t she pretty, she looks just like an Angel.

    Paris is such an idiot, I just can’t believe this stunt she is trying to pull.

    What a shameless hussy. She obviously has no soul and is just a walking dead thing.

  20. Paris Eater

    Alright, I think she’s a mega-retard! Bet she tastes real good though! Yeah, I’d hit it!

  21. insecthero

    Ha ha, that’s classic. Dude’s thinking “Check out my fucking book- Yeah, she’s THAT spiritual!”

  22. meh

    Fishnets=Mega Spirituality. I will pass on the word. Thanks Paris!


  23. OutRunner1

    Paris is attaching herself to spiritual people? Finally, my being an atheist pays off.

  24. PhreeQ





  26. sherry

    that girl is a dumbass

  27. Rachel

    If the cellphone didn’t give it away, his shiny black shoes sure as hell should have…Then again, probably not.

  28. toolboy

    Keeping teasing Karma Paris, I double goat fucking dog dare you (I know, a slight breach of etiquette).

  29. monkeyfightclub

    She’s not smart enough to come up with that idea on her own.

  30. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    i know he’s dead and all but Jerry Garcia looks like he’s lost a lot of weight in this photo.

  31. Sexy Sadie

    I do not like Paris but I like her textured stockings. My lover has a nylons fettish and loves textured nylons.

  32. lookma_nohans

    Check out the last two frames…WTF? Is even Ranger Rick putting her on the cover now?

    That’s like $2500 of camera that kid’s holding.

  33. toolboy

    I thought it was (a decent looking) Kirsten Dunst . This is why I get into trouble at the teen clubs. Ranger Rick reference…snicker, snort, chortle.

  34. Fishnets with an Easter dress… the mark of a true whore.

  35. absolute2

    Paris is looking true love online now? A good news for your guys? I saw her profile on “W e a l t h y R o m a n c e. c o m” last week.

  36. Dick Richards

    The man in the picture is a shaman descendant from a long list of ancient Nepalanese socerers. He goes by the name Sensei Ghengis Green and has helped tens of actors to become more enlightened through the use of money letting.

    He lives two blocks north of Hollywood Boulevard, against a brick wall, in a vacant lot with his secretary — Charlie Chaplin guy from The Chinese Theater.

    You can meet him each, and every thursday evening at the homeless mission on Western Avenue, underneath the schizophrenics’ booth.

  37. Son-of D. Richards


  38. Vince Lombardi

    Watch YouTube this week to see if Master Po doesn’t come out with a “I’m fucking Paris Hilton” video.

  39. Windy

    I like how he’s carrying his book perfectly so you can see his face on the cover.

  40. Vince Lombardi

    ***He’s starred in tons of films and TV shows including “My Name is Earl” and “Pirates of the Caribbean.” According to IMDB, Maxie’s latest projects are all in “post production” so clearly he has enough free time to whore it up for Paris.***

    I think what gave it away for me was the $200 spit-polished black oxfords and the iPhone that he wasn’t a real monk. Tony Shaloub is more of a real monk than this guy, frankly. David Carradine, too. Yun-Fat Chow…. eh… not so much.

  41. D. Richards (Saint.)

    #40 — No, Vince, those shoes aren’t ‘Oxfords’. Sensei’s left leg is five inches shorter than his right. That’s a state funded prescription stack.

    His right foot is bare.

  42. Auntie Kryst

    @33 I think that kid is a cub reporter for Boy’s Life not Ranger Rick. He’s working toward a merit badge in photography and douchebag calling. He’s almost got the call down “pariswantapeekshur pariswantapeekshur.”

    PS, teasing karma, spot on! I liked the bonus nod to A Christmas Story too, very good.

  43. mike

    WTC!! Why did this get moved to the top?

  44. why bother

    Auntie, I think you right, but isn’t there something more??

  45. I like how she tries to use her hair to conceal the wonk.

  46. Paris’ feet? Any Winehouse’s feet??? Virtually indistinguishable… look at the boney toe ridges….

  47. BunnyButt

    31, weren’t you supposed to include a link to your porn site?

  48. big rosie greenbaum

    This girl truly is a narcississtic sociopath. I’ve never prayed so hard for someone’s death before – not even Gary Ridgway’s.

    Imagine the incredible parades in the street – we’d all get the day off from work to celebrate! – if only some good-hearted, dedicated and willing sniper would come to our aid and take this bitch and her skanky fake guru out. It certainly wouldn’t be the endless mourning that went on for the likes of John Ritter or Steve Irwin. You still go ‘Awww, what a shame’ when you hear their names today. But Paris Hilton? No one – not even her family – would give a crap. And anyone who would mourn over her deserves their rightful place right next to her grave.

    Please, snipers of America, leave the mall shoppers alone and go after this pig Paris. Do it for the children. Do it for all the animals Paris has abandoned.

    This madness needs to stop.

  49. MonkeyBytes

    Hey Supes, guys name is Santillan, nor Sullivan. Guys about as Irish as my left nut, which is a known English soccer-hooligan. Beats the shit out of my right nut, which just happens to be Irish as Pattie’s pig. True story, hurts like hell.

  50. dude

    I don’t want to compromise my journalistic neutrality by being mean to Paris, but legend has it that every time she queefs, an angel gets his wings. Burned off. Then subsequently dies.

    Also, a star in the heavens goes out.

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