Paris Hilton pitches the TV show from Hell

July 3rd, 2008 // 85 Comments

Paris Hilton thought up a TV show that will undoubtedly make me pay random strangers to throw an axe at my face. It’s basically The View but hosted by famous celebrities who will address such topics as the paparazzi, career management and, most importantly, girl talk! At last, a show that tackles battling herpes while finding the perfect purse. Never stop dreaming, folks. The Chicago Sun Times reports:

Just imagine Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Tori Spelling — as well as [Denise] Richards, Hilton and her former ”The Simple Life” co-star, Nicole Richie — together in one big two-hour special sharing ”their side” of what it’s like to be them.
That concept alone reportedly has intrigued a couple of cable channels initially contacted about the concept: Bravo and Lifetime.

In the future, historians wearing jet packs will point to this show’s inception as the apex of civilization’s decline. But then they’ll find themselves addicted to the catty chatter ultimately dooming their own space-age utopia. Don’t believe me? Just spend a good 30 seconds imagining Britney Spears’ commentary on, shit, anything. If within the first 10 you don’t shove your face in the oven, congratulations, you’re a robot. Now fix me a drink, tinny!

superficial

  1. Seriously...

    Holy crap. I’m discontinuing my cable service and moving into a cave in the mountains. Fuck.

  2. hi

    fourth hahahah

  3. latty

    To think they cancelled Liza Minelli and David Gest’s show for this! Tsk!

    But truth be told, I’d watch….Probably more laughable than most sitcoms on TV. That and I’d love to see one of them crack on national TV.

  4. In a world that watches such idiotic shows as: Dancing with Celebrities, America’s Got Talent, etc this moronic show will probably end up being #1.

    On a side note, nice to see Paris’ fake cleavage has resurfaced.

  5. Doc

    I bet Paris had to take off her bra after the paps took the picture because her tits are so small and trying to make cleavage can be painful.

  6. #7 – Haha, having them smushed up like that probably gives her tiny brain a headache.

  7. sla

    There is something funky about her cleavage. The girls are obviously pushed up (way, way up), but with what? It looks like the bottom of a bra was photoshopped out, as opposed to, say, the work of a low-cut, shove-em-in-from-the-sides brassiere.

  8. Giomon_Rocks

    Damn, she’ll do anything to keep herself in the limelight just a second longer including the fatter, balder (more desperate) Madden twin. I wonder if she’ll discuss her herpes and several abortions on her “View”-like show.

  9. mimi

    Fish-head is secretly in love with Paris!

  10. yodolayheehoo

    I don’t know but having to see them smushed up like that is giving ME a headache. ugh.

  11. sean

    Go watch Married with Children – later in the series. One of the episodes has Kelly get her own TV show called “Important Issues and Stuff with Kelly Bundy” (or something close to that) This will be the same thing – only even more insipid

  12. Mark

    In a way though, this is the best way to put these fame-whores out of their misery. Once people get a real sense of how incredibly dumb these dildos are, the tide will turn. Unfortunately, this will mean that The Superficial will cease to exist as we know it, and then humanity will truly be in decline.

  13. Sicko

    Paris: “Last week I had a herpes outbreak and I wanted to, like, scratch my cootch sooo bad, but I didn’t want a picture of me scratching myself in the tabloids.”
    Lindsey: “I know, right, I have to hang out with a dyke just so the paps will take pictures of me.”
    Britney: “Most people get away with minor hit and runs, but when you’re famous there will always be proof of what you have done.”

  14. an outsider

    short. fat. ugly. kind of like the men here

  15. Little Tits

    I’m small like Paris and I use wide surgical tape on the sides of my breasts to push them together. It is very uncomfortable. I only do it to take pictures and then I quickly take the tape off.

  16. Spaminu Ranus

    I’d like to auger out her little smoking friend. She looks like she loves it in the ass.

  17. Lulu

    What’s with her tits?

  18. Bmurphy72

    Can about two dozen of these douches go off and die together, maybe a new version of St Elmo’s Fire, but with a different ending. Like Bruce Lee’s kid shoting the Crow. Then we can act like we morn them and move on.

  19. Baddie Ben

    She must be promoting new Austin Powers movie. That can only explain why she is hanging with Dr Evil (not to be confused with Hangin’ with Mr Cooper)

  20. Sparky

    I think this show is a GREAT idea! They should set it up as a mock courtroom and let them each defend themselves against their own stupidity and insipidness. They could even combine a gong show type theme where when one of them says something truly annoying, a random audience member gets to set a large metal bowl on her head and strike it with a 5 pound sledge hammer. Repeatedly.

    I’d buy that on pay-per-view.

  21. momo

    she looks absolutely hot

    I bone the living shit out of her for all of 30 seconds

  22. douchebag Mcgee

    Oh Great, a giant fucking televised coke party.
    Finally something new on tv.

  23. Name Required

    FIRST BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    wouldnt a show like that appeal to those of us who visit websites such as this?
    i say YES it would
    if its on……….im watchin it

  24. Meow

    PARIS HAS A NEW LOOK! She’s always worn pink and pastels, pink lipstick, and an ugly tan. She’s gone goth. Have you ever seen her like this, with pale skin, all black clothing, and a skull necklace?

  25. Angela

    Gross legs :S

  26. hey! I dont know who runs this site.. but I sort of made an ode to you.. Im a white chick rapper so I took all the celebrity gossip and put it in rap form and put it on youtube. I credit thesuperficial.com under the “description” of the video. I just posted this vid like 5 sec ago Im hoping to do a little video weekly and have them get tons of plays!

    i hope u check it out!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCIxk3HhXhI

  27. mar.mar

    she looks pretty!
    and hes too ugly for her!
    shes just doing it to get revenge on nichole!…you know she should have been in mean girls she wouldnt have even needed to act.

  28. Jack

    I’d watch the show, really. Think about it, basically it would be a cross between “The View” and the ’80′s movie “Airplane”. Now who wouldn’t think THAT’S funny. Hell, they’ll have to have extra staff on call in the ER from everyone who injures themselves rolling on the floor laughing.

  29. Mr. Sleepyhead

    God help us all if she get’s a TV show. At least it will provide more content for E! Talk Soup.

  30. =Nats=

    Isn’t that the bald guy from the Addams family?

  31. geez

    boy george?

  32. ME!

    #33 – Uncle Fester!

  33. don

    it’s either like #30 said that she’s getting revenge on nicole or she just might be having an incredibly LONG herpes outbreak and this schmuck is the only one who will still bang her.

  34. kate

    ha! in the first pic, you can totally see a chinese kid in the background looking very strange. kinda looks like the people off youtube ; nigahiga.

  35. It seems that the movie producers are runing out of show ideas and digging at the botom of the barrel.

  36. samson

    I get it! Her boobs are upside-down!

  37. PettyPape

    In the background of the 1st pic, it looks like Bobby Trendy.

  38. roop

    At a glance I thought that was Billy Corgan and Courtney Love!

  39. Slinx

    The asian homey in the background is chasing after the madden dude to get his sunnies back…cause its a really bright night.

  40. Melissa

    Her knees always look so ashy and disgusting. She spends entirely way too much time on them. Put the infected dick down so you can take a loofah to those puppies. If the loofah doesn’t work, upgrade to sandpaper. And learn how to moisturize properly.

  41. damn. paris hilton makes me sick

  42. Sunny

    Paris is a cute babe…She was said to have a personal account with her hot pictures and blogs on the wealthy dating club R I C H L O V I N G.C O M for hot guys and girls to hook up for Hot Love and Sexy Dating. Quite a few fans and hot guys are found in her circle there

  43. Please

    die #45, please.

  44. You’re starring your own REAL-LIFE COMEDY?
    IT’S FUNNY TO WATCH!!

  45. . . . I’ve posted a link to the TNB World video yet again. Please watch and then have a tantrum, otherwise things will be awfully slow.

    If you don’t have a PC tantrum, you’re a racist.

  46. Just . . .

    . . . imagine Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Tori Spelling — as well as [Denise] Richards, Hilton and her former ”The Simple Life” co-star, Nicole Richie — together in one big two-hour special sharing their views on the TNB Video in front of an all black audience . . .

  47. Blah

    Gah. Paris totally let herself be moulded by uglyface. That is not her style or look at all.

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