Paris Hilton’s pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, bit her on the arm Tuesday morning while the two were playing. She called her publicist, Elliot Mintz, at about 3am Tuesday and he took her to the emergency room where she spent a few hours at the hospital and received a tetanus shot.
So add on whatever diseases a kinkajou might carry to the already growing collection inside Paris. I’m actually curious as to what it’d be like to have sex with Paris now. Not so much for the actual sex, but just to see what awesome creature I would mutate into after all her diseases worked on me. I picture a tail. And maybe scales.
mylittleporny | August 11, 2006 at 1:16 pm
first!
and that’s not shocking is it
ZombieSushi | August 11, 2006 at 1:16 pm
The funny thing, to me, is that we’re concerned with what the furry little fucker may or may not have given Paris.
Shouldn’t we be more concerned with what Paris most likely gave that little mon-chi-chi? Skankatitious
jrzmommy | August 11, 2006 at 1:17 pm
Did they give the kinkajou a shots? Poor creature.
TheHappyRobot | August 11, 2006 at 1:17 pm
i SWEAR that’s how i got my genital herpes! honest. me visiting that hooker was just coincidence.
misterveryze | August 11, 2006 at 1:18 pm
When is the kink gonna eat the tink? Huh?
DancingQueen | August 11, 2006 at 1:18 pm
I only wish it had bitten her on her big fat smelly vagina instead of her arm. Damn monkey. And by that I mean Paris.
pop | August 11, 2006 at 1:24 pm
rabies? i’ve never been less surprised in my life…it’s only a matter of time before she adopts that monkey from outbreak as her next pet…
http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/
Jedi Kevin | August 11, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Shouldn’t the headline read:
“BABY LUV MIGHT HAVE HERPES”
Ivana Mandalay | August 11, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Some things on my mind…
1.) That’s why these kinkajous are NOT meant to be pets.
2.) Did they give the kink anti-biotics after he bit Paris?
3.) Maybe kink saliva cures STDs. Modern medicine be damned!
4.) How sad is it that the ONLY person that was around to take her to the emergency room was her publicist?
5.) Does publicist = babysitter/chauffeur/yes man/”I want my daddy!” substitute?
6.) Did the hospital have to pay her $500,000 to make her appearance?
Christenwins | August 11, 2006 at 1:27 pm
How does one go about obtaining a f’ing pet kinkajou? And why is she allowed to have one??
Sassy | August 11, 2006 at 1:30 pm
Oh shitballs, I didn’t get to be FIRST. Let me go cry in my soup. I’m shocked that she didn’t already have rabies to go with the other 457 diseases she has.
jrzmommy | August 11, 2006 at 1:32 pm
I’d like it if the little fucker dug those monster claws into her ugly face and Milhoused the shit out of her.
bigponie | August 11, 2006 at 1:32 pm
with what appears to be “Vulcan ears”, her alienistic transformation is now taking effect.
SoftBlueGlow | August 11, 2006 at 1:33 pm
She also might have the worlds largest collection of STD’s!
http://www.VeryLiberating.com
Binky | August 11, 2006 at 1:35 pm
I’m not sure which diseases a kinkajou might carry either, or whether the germs would survive in that environment.
I understand ‘Jacques Brel’ does well in there, but, to be honest, that’s always been a bit of a surprise to me.
RichPort | August 11, 2006 at 1:36 pm
Her dog must feel like an asshole. I mean, after coming in 2nd place for the Taco Bell campaign, this shit has to be pretty embarassing.
jemsinamood | August 11, 2006 at 1:36 pm
She gave up sex for a year, but only with humans. She was actually trying to stuff the furry little guy into her cavernous pussy. He freaked (who wouldn’t?) and bit her. Poor little guy; he didn’t want to end up perpetually shaking like Tinker Bell.
CoJo | August 11, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Does this mean poor little Kinkajou has herpes now? Where’s PETA?!?!?!
Agatha | August 11, 2006 at 1:45 pm
Her vagina actually secretes confetti.
yasmin3000y | August 11, 2006 at 1:55 pm
its jus a matter of time b4 all her ex “lovers” bite her on the face 4 givin them all these diseases. and by lovers i mean anyone thaat was dumb enough to let her suck their cock
Sarah-Jean | August 11, 2006 at 1:58 pm
People aren’t supposed to own Kinkajous. I mean, maybe it’s cool and all, but it’s not a domesticated animal. I’m not surprised it’s bit her.
I feel bad for the Kinkajou. I mean, maybe it has a nice life and all, being pampered by her, but she seems pretty creepy. It probably got scared when it saw her big nose coming at it.
jrzmommy | August 11, 2006 at 2:02 pm
i h8 when ppl type like a prince song title. dont u?
RichPort | August 11, 2006 at 2:11 pm
# 22 Indeed. Only variations of LOL, FU, and TCLTC should be acceptable. IDK, no1 undr 18 yrs old shud b aloud 2 post… morons.
Tom Horseonovich Colligan | August 11, 2006 at 2:11 pm
I’m a KinkyJew, and I would be glad to catch all kinds of nasty penis infections from Paris Hilton. Any chance I get to add to my collection of STDs, infected boils – I’ve got room for them all! Love, Horseonovich (Google me!)
jrzmommy | August 11, 2006 at 2:15 pm
24–kinkyjew. hee hee.
jrzmommy | August 11, 2006 at 2:16 pm
23 u r so rite
yasmin3000y | August 11, 2006 at 2:17 pm
what does TLTC actually maen??
yasmin3000y | August 11, 2006 at 2:17 pm
i mean TCLTC lol
WTF | August 11, 2006 at 2:19 pm
Curiousity led me to wikipedia.
“In 2005, kinkajous were made popular as pets by celebrities such as Paris Hilton, who named hers “Baby Luv”. In December, the celebrity heiress was reportedly attacked by her pet kinkajou, which she had taken shopping with her in Los Angeles.”
This will be reported attack #2.
“Kinkajous do not like to be awake during the day, and dislike noise or sudden movements. If they are agitated too much, they may emit a scream and attack, usually clawing their victim and biting deeply. Their bites are particularly dangerous as their saliva contains a tenacious, species-specific bacterium – Kingella potus.”
In other words, kinkajous don’t like shopping at Barney’s or going to clubs.
Reid | August 11, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Great. For her already immense resume of crimes against society, add cruelty to animals. You know, if she gave the poor kinkajou something AND made it listen to her album, she could clearly be arrested for cruelty to animals.
http://www.reidaboutit.com
jrzmommy | August 11, 2006 at 2:22 pm
“Kinkajous do not like to be awake during the day, and dislike noise or sudden movements. If they are agitated too much, they may emit a scream and attack, usually clawing their victim and biting deeply. Their bites are particularly dangerous as their saliva contains a tenacious, species-specific bacterium – Kingella potus.”
Why, that describes Paris Hilton!!!
HolisticWisdomcom | August 11, 2006 at 2:22 pm
Funny, I heard she likes to be bitten.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/paris-hilton-sex-tape.htm
Grobpilot | August 11, 2006 at 2:23 pm
#28: Tom Cruise Loves The Cock
dmarie | August 11, 2006 at 2:28 pm
How will we be able to tell if she is foaming at the mouth or if she just had a date behind the local trash bin on 32nd st?
Word of caution: When standing next to Paris Hilton it is now a violation of federal law to NOT wear a HAZMAT suit.
TastyToeCheese | August 11, 2006 at 2:33 pm
Paris is a skanky ho. However…that kinkajous of hers is hot. I’ll bang that creature hard, doggie style, of course with a condom on. Better yet, throw in the little doggie and it’ll be a sweet threesome.
AmericanMcKrout | August 11, 2006 at 2:47 pm
That’s not a kinkajou- that’s her vag, turned inside out! Beware, horny party goers: that thing has teeth! (As if the thought of her STDs aren’t scary enough for ya.)
Oh, yeah- TCLTC. Perhaps we should call his Sir Cocksalot? Just a thought…
BriBri | August 11, 2006 at 2:52 pm
#36…hehe..Sir Cocksalot.
Anywhore….this should be a sign to that cunt that wild animals are not her effin accessories.
jane's eyre | August 11, 2006 at 2:53 pm
If this kinkajou’s saliva manages to kill Paris, I think it should replace the bald eagle as our national animal.
ob1 | August 11, 2006 at 2:55 pm
This is lame.
You want Paris. I got some Paris for ya……
Click on my screen name.
ob1 | August 11, 2006 at 2:56 pm
WTF!
Try this…
http://www.jordanisyourhomeboy.com/viewpicture/paris-hilton-look-alike-in-playboy/003.htm
Chelsea Crazy | August 11, 2006 at 3:14 pm
good – she deserves to have rabies
LL | August 11, 2006 at 3:19 pm
If calls from people like Paris at 3 am are part of the deal, why the fuck would anybody wanna be a publicist? Unless the little monkey* tore her arm off, why couldn’t she drive her own dumb ass to the hospital? Other people have had to cut off their own limbs without anesthetic and crawl out of ditches for help, and she couldn’t drive after receiving a bite from a tiny animal? She’s got a $400,000 car, for the love of cheese. For that kind of money, it should have driven her to hospital itself. Eh, I’ve just stopped caring…
* I know it’s not a monkey, it’s probably related to possums or racoons or whatever. Still, good for you, odd-looking creature. Next time, go for the eyes.
nightshirt | August 11, 2006 at 3:37 pm
its pathetic that she would have an animal that is supposed to be out in the wild jungle in wouth america, is happiest in its natural habitat. that pisses me off that she has one. people like her who displace pets should be shot.
nc72 | August 11, 2006 at 3:46 pm
Might have rabies? Uh huh…
http://www.exposay.com/paris-hilton/1/c/1751/
andrewthezeppo | August 11, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Didn’t Baby Luv bite somebody on the face not that long ago…I seem to remember that.
Sarah-Jean | August 11, 2006 at 3:58 pm
What I don
UNWASHEDMASSES | August 11, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Will someone please, for the love of God, gift this moron with a badger or Tasmanian Devil. Fuck the kinkaju, those little baddies would make short work of her nose, eyes, clitoris and anything else within sight. Did any of you see the Simple Life where she has these midgets stay at the Hilton and make their room up to look like a forest so they can camp out and still get room service? She brought a couple of bear cubs, on loan from some zoo she probably donates to, and had the little midgies cuddle them. I bet daddy midge was quietly praying one of those bears mauled his kids. Like that would ever go to trial. Judge – “Ms. Hilton, you brought a pair of bear cubs into the room?” Paris – “That’s right, your Honor.” Judge – “And you see nothing wrong with that?” Paris – “I can’t see at all, your Honor. God damned Baby Luv took my eyes.” Case settled out of court.
whatever | August 11, 2006 at 4:14 pm
has anyone else notice the creepy, blank, i-have-no-soul look in her eyes in like, every single picture? she’s scary.
herbiefrog | August 11, 2006 at 4:37 pm
what the fuck is that thing clinging to her shoulder
it looks like a fucking mutant bat that lost its wings
holy fuck, maybe if turning into a vampire…
herbiefrog | August 11, 2006 at 4:38 pm
#49 oh its ok…
…its just paris
…didn’t recognise her for a moment