Paris Hilton knows who robbed her, breaks out crime-fighting mobile

December 23rd, 2008 // 96 Comments

Seen here standing by her new pink Bentley yesterday, Paris Hilton is confident that whoever burglarized her home has been there before. “We have some suspects that I’m thinking of,” she tells E! News:

“Obviously it’s devastating and disturbing that someone was in my home,” Hilton said. “[But] we have three security guards there and a 24-hour guard who is always on my property. We have the alarm on, [we have] the dogs, the guards with the gun, so no one is going to be coming into my house.”
Hilton also has a message for the person or persons responsible for shattering her sense of security:
“I would tell them to please return my things, because I know they’re probably watching E! News right now, to return everything and that’s it,” she told us.
“They just have to anonymously have a taxi drop it off in my front gate in a box with my jewelry and everything. They won’t get in trouble. But if all this goes on for much longer, they’re going to get in more trouble.”

Let’s look at the clues, super sleuths: The perpetrator has obviously been invited into Paris’ bedroom recently which means our suspect list includes every goddamn male with a functioning penis in a 50 mile radius. Definitely gonna need DNA samples. Hmm… Hey, Geekologist, how’s the pitching arm today?

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. Bigo

    LOOK! the Peptobismobile!!!!!!!

  2. classylassy

    Rich, Spoiled, Little Bitch!!! I’m glad she got robbed. Maybe now somebody can shoot her in the head!!

  3. Carlos

    Paris set the ultimate booby trap- whoever stole her stuff has herpes now. Merry Christmas, bitches.

  4. Guest

    Does she have a liscense plate?

  5. daisy

    Is that her breast cancer awareness mobile or is she slingin pepto bismol today?

  6. PostmortemG

    “Hey, Frank, I think I heard a noise ’round back. I’m gonna go have a look – lemme have the gun.”

    “…by “guards with the gun” you’d imply that the 3 guards each share the same handgun…”

    My thoughts exactly. I wonder if the guards argue over who gets the gun? Considering this post is about Paris Hilton, it could a damn Super Soaker… or a pink .38 Special that can’t hit anything farther than 15 feet away.

  7. surprise?
    SHE NEEDED PAPPARAZZI, so left vthe door open, folks?
    Whar do you mean by: WEASEL?

  8. CB

    Wow. I just saw that ridiculous car (or one identical to it) being towed this afternoon off of Mulholland drive.

  9. Danklin24

    Anyone else see the ding in the right side of her rear bumper? Either a ding or a shitty paint job.

  10. Nudgie

    “…already been there.”

    Oh – you mean her HOUSE. Thought you meant her vagina.

    NO police unit big enough to cover that….. :)

  11. Stiles

    For all those jokes about her vag…

    …between the pink bentley, idiot wave, tasteless fashion and overgrown hands & feet, she’s officially a tranny. Married to another tranny. In San Fran.

  12. Stiles

    For all those jokes about her vag…

    …between the pink bentley, idiot wave, tasteless fashion and overgrown hands & feet, she’s officially a tranny. Married to another tranny. In San Fran.

  13. m.munroe

    tackiest thing ever… both her and the car!
    she completly runined a beautiful bentley!

  14. paris is pathetic

    You know your getting old when your this desperate for attention! How old will paris be before she grows up?!

  15. she looks ridiculous

  16. PeachPie

    There needs to be a new adjective for Paris, because “attention whore” doesn’t even do justice.

    The only thing sweeter than her house getting robbed would be someone hijacking her Bentley and returning it with “Wonky McValtrex” spray painted all over it in neon lime green.

  17. F-Obama

    I want to rob her, but I’d go in the back door. then I’d fuck her on top of the hood of her crime stopper car.

  18. hmna

    I just realized that West Coast Customs did the paint job – where’s Xhibit? Paris was on Pimp My Ride!

  19. BondJamesBond

    Come on people! Do you really believe someone broke in her place and stole her jewelery? Three security guards ( armed ), a 24 hour manned post, security alarms which are always on, video of the property, guard dogs………NOBODY STOLE FROM HER! She has to make this shit up to stay in the news. She is a media creation. If she doesn’t stay in the ” news “, we forget about her. Which isn’t a bad idea mind you.

  20. Mike

    The good side of these pictures is knowing that the pink mobile burns more gas on a Friday night than those two econoboxes in the back will burn in a year.

  21. Cali

    The only thing more heinous than the car is the outfit she is wearing. Get a stylist bitch…..

  22. nnn

    actually i cant help thinking how nice shes looking lately. loving her outfits right now.

  23. Only Paris Could F**k a Car Up This Badly

    Gawd-DAMNIT, what the fuck is Bentley thinking, letting this airheaded super-nasty bitch customize her car? Looking at her here makes me think this is why America’s young women are becoming stupider and younger-acting instead of acting their age. Girls growing up today have THIS cunt-faced man-hand-having dirty douchebag as a “role model.” If not her, then Britney Scares, Lindsey HOElan, and Skanky-Hoes-in-Training Bitches from The Hills.

    I’ve stopped watching TV because they’re the shit I see, and I’m not even supposed to be in their advertising-targeted age group. Gawd-DAMNIT.

  24. In L.A.

    Well, look what the cat dragged in…You did drag this in, right?

  25. Isn’t there a law against making a Bentley look like that?

    She could have better spent that money on a semi-competent stylist.

  26. Janie

    This girl is a waste of space………. I would love it if we all just ignored her. I am glad she had things stolen – what she has done to that care proves she has far too much money and it pisses me off when there are so many homeless people and starving that we all are attracted to reading and commenting on shit like this………… Amen !

  27. JAI

    Number 9 is a bitch.

  28. shelly

    hahahahaha number 9 hi 5!!!!!!

    poor dear it must be hard to be her!!!!

  29. Pathetic Worm

    Paris puts the stink in the pink.

  30. TRUTH

    PARIS HILTON IS GUILTY OF VERY SERIOUS FEDERAL CRIMES AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND A 32 YEAR OLD MAN FROM ARLINGTON, TEXAS NAMED BRANDON M. WITTE. FOR MORE EVIDENCE, GOOGLE HIS NAME WITH: PARIS HILTON, RICK HILTON, OR NICKY HILTON. ALSO, GO TO PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND NICKY HILTON ASKMEN.COM FOR MORE PROOF.

  31. REALITY

    PARIS HILTON IS FACING LIFE IN PRISON FOR NUMEROUS FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITED AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS AND A 32 YEAR OLD MAN FROM ARLINGTON, TEXAS NAMED BRANDON M. WITTE. GO TO PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND NICKY HILTON ASKMEN.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION REGARDING THE FEDERAL CRIMES THAT HAVE BEEN AND THAT ARE BEING COMMITED. THIS IS THE LATEST MYSPACE SCANDAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  32. REALITY

    FOR MORE EVIDENCE, GO TO PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND NICKY HILTON ASKMEN.COM. THERE IS INFORMATION REGARDING THE FEDERAL CRIMES THAT HAVE BEEN AND THAT ARE BEING COMMITED.

  33. REALITY

    FOR MORE EVIDENCE, GO TO PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND NICKY HILTON ASKMEN.COM. THERE IS INFORMATION REGARDING THE FEDERAL CRIMES THAT HAVE BEEN AND THAT ARE BEING COMMITED.

  34. REALITY

    FOR MORE EVIDENCE, GO TO PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND NICKY HILTON ASKMEN.COM. THERE IS INFORMATION REGARDING THE FEDERAL CRIMES THAT HAVE BEEN AND THAT ARE BEING COMMITED.

  35. REALITY

    FOR MORE EVIDENCE, GO TO PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND NICKY HILTON ASKMEN.COM. THERE IS INFORMATION REGARDING THE FEDERAL CRIMES THAT HAVE BEEN AND THAT ARE BEING COMMITED.

  36. REALITY

    FOR MORE EVIDENCE, GO TO PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND NICKY HILTON ASKMEN.COM. THERE IS INFORMATION REGARDING THE FEDERAL CRIMES THAT HAVE BEEN AND THAT ARE BEING COMMITED.

  37. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  38. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  39. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  40. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  41. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  42. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  43. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  44. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  45. BEING CYBERSTALKED BY HILTON'S CRIMINAL WORKERS

    FDSAFDS

  46. I just robbed Paris of $2million I’d be sitting at home watching E!, eating bon-bons and planning my next caper on the Hollywood elite.

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