Paris Hilton knows who robbed her, breaks out crime-fighting mobile

The Superficial | December 23, 2008 - 10:38 am

Seen here standing by her new pink Bentley yesterday, Paris Hilton is confident that whoever burglarized her home has been there before. “We have some suspects that I’m thinking of,” she tells E! News:

“Obviously it’s devastating and disturbing that someone was in my home,” Hilton said. “[But] we have three security guards there and a 24-hour guard who is always on my property. We have the alarm on, [we have] the dogs, the guards with the gun, so no one is going to be coming into my house.”
Hilton also has a message for the person or persons responsible for shattering her sense of security:
“I would tell them to please return my things, because I know they’re probably watching E! News right now, to return everything and that’s it,” she told us.
“They just have to anonymously have a taxi drop it off in my front gate in a box with my jewelry and everything. They won’t get in trouble. But if all this goes on for much longer, they’re going to get in more trouble.”

Let’s look at the clues, super sleuths: The perpetrator has obviously been invited into Paris’ bedroom recently which means our suspect list includes every goddamn male with a functioning penis in a 50 mile radius. Definitely gonna need DNA samples. Hmm… Hey, Geekologist, how’s the pitching arm today?

Photos: Flynet