Paris Hilton knows who robbed her, breaks out crime-fighting mobile

December 23rd, 2008 // 96 Comments

Seen here standing by her new pink Bentley yesterday, Paris Hilton is confident that whoever burglarized her home has been there before. “We have some suspects that I’m thinking of,” she tells E! News:

“Obviously it’s devastating and disturbing that someone was in my home,” Hilton said. “[But] we have three security guards there and a 24-hour guard who is always on my property. We have the alarm on, [we have] the dogs, the guards with the gun, so no one is going to be coming into my house.”
Hilton also has a message for the person or persons responsible for shattering her sense of security:
“I would tell them to please return my things, because I know they’re probably watching E! News right now, to return everything and that’s it,” she told us.
“They just have to anonymously have a taxi drop it off in my front gate in a box with my jewelry and everything. They won’t get in trouble. But if all this goes on for much longer, they’re going to get in more trouble.”

Let’s look at the clues, super sleuths: The perpetrator has obviously been invited into Paris’ bedroom recently which means our suspect list includes every goddamn male with a functioning penis in a 50 mile radius. Definitely gonna need DNA samples. Hmm… Hey, Geekologist, how’s the pitching arm today?

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. Cammy

    She’s an idiot.

  2. I could swear this car used to belong to a rapper.

  3. dork

    I hate pepto bismol.

  4. Savalas

    That thing looks like a Strawberry Nightmare

  5. hmna

    Paris must be selling a lot of Mary Kay cosmetics.

  6. fetish boy

    Jees, she’s got the biggest feet! I would love to rub them all over my face and suck on her big toe!

  7. cielo

    her outfits are ALWAYS horrible!!!no style sense at all! worst dressed ever!

  8. guilty

    Oh, yeah, if I just robbed Paris of $2million I’d be sitting at home watching E!, eating bon-bons and planning my next caper on the Hollywood elite.

  9. bah

    1. bitch yo shit is gone. forever. for ever, forever? for ever.
    2. no one watches e news
    3. only you could ruin a bentley
    4. herpes, herpes, good charlotte, herpes.
    5. who the fuck dresses you? clothes by blind man in dark cave?

    in conclusion, kill yourself posthaste,

    love,

    society

    ps, forever forever.

  10. jrz

    I wonder if it was her new BFF? Bum bum bum bah

    Hello oh Ghost of Richport.

  11. Sunflower

    Yes, Paris. An anonymous thief, who made off with millions of dollars worth of your stuff, is just going to return it all, via taxi, just because you told them to. Yup. Can’t wait for THAT to happen. Idiot.

    Maybe this is your karma (and not the good kind you profess for your egomaniac self) for not helping people as you loudly promised you would do when you got out of jail, you worthless, self centered skank.

    Maybe don’t make promises you have no intention on keeping and people won’t be out to get you??? Hmmm… just a thought.

  12. dude

    Alex, I’ll take “People you just want to Pound and Pound with a Shovel” for $800 please.

  13. Taxi Driver

    Sure, I’ll take this box of jewelry worth $2 mill and put it on the lady’s lawn. What’s the address? Got it. OK, that’ll be $45 for the taxi and $5 for me.

    Uh, you don’t mind if I make a stop at my cousin Vinny’s place first? Right on! You can trust me.

  14. Sunflower

    #12…. damn funny.

  15. Vince Lombardi

    Further evidence that my theory it was cellmates.

  16. damn

    Where are the cops when you need them? From the lack of license plates, it doesn’t look like that Bentley is legal. Hmmmmmm

  17. Haaaa,,, The look at me mobile…

    sidenote:hasnt greasy bear been cut off from his inheritance?

  18. lisa

    #7, I SO AGREE!

  19. Vince Lombardi

    I think the next “Batman” installment should use this method.

    “Legion of Doom, this is Batman. Please return Robin, because I know you’re probably watching ‘Gotham Today’ right now; return him and that’s it. They just have to anonymously have a taxi drop him off in my Bat Cave in a box with my utility belt and the keys to my Batmobile. They won’t get in trouble. But if all this goes on for much longer, they’re going to get in more trouble.”

    The Justice League would vote unanimously to kill Batman on sight.

  20. #7idiot

    #7 I know how YOU dress.. I saw you in line at K-mart

  21. CV

    A beautiful car ruined, fuck that whore!

  22. CV

    A beautiful car ruined, fuck that whore!

  23. CV

    A beautiful car ruined, fuck that whore!

  24. Max Planck

    What’s wrong with America when the country is preoccupied with a nitwit like this?

  25. Hello jrz.

    It’s a shame they had to pour calamine lotion all over that car, but it, understandly, felt itchy when she got out…

  26. Sport

    Waste. of. Flesh.

  27. I didn’t know Paris worked for MaryKay Cosmetics. What a tacky, ugly-ass car

  28. Sam

    Who paints their car Pepto-Bismol? Twat.

  29. Sam

    Who paints their car Pepto-Bismol? Twat.

  30. Uncle Eccoli

    “Hey, Frank, I think I heard a noise ’round back. I’m gonna go have a look – lemme have the gun.”

  31. Randal

    Paris

    You have worked so hard to be the epitamy of classiness while all the world is crumbling at your feet. I applaude your spirit and enthusiasm for rising above all of your detractors and having the courage to spend $250,000 on a car that will cure hangovers purely from looking at it.

    Keep your chin up, your hair bleached, blue contacts in and don’t worry about the clown feet. You know those can be reduced at any one of the many plastic surgeons in Hollywood.

    Best wishes for 2009 and keep that Karma going!

    Randal

  32. wiinja

    i’m hoping for a giant pink explosion to go with it

  33. astronaut

    “nobody said it was going to be easy, nobody said it was going to be fair, stop making excuses, you have a brain, use it, do something. come on. even a thin old guy with a sheet an glasses said that you must be the change you want to see in the world” – Jesus Siddhartha Muhammad Che Einstein Obama Lennon Norris Shakespeare Da Vinci Monroe Wilde Eastwood Gates Oprah Nietzsche Morrison Mandela Brando Kafka ET, Júnior the III

    Come on 2009

  34. Stoney

    Can I get some of what she’s on?

  35. chickdowntown

    Hey, hey! Good luck with that! …. “We have the alarm on, [we have] the dogs, the guards with the gun, so no one is going to be coming into my house.”

    So by “alarm” you must mean string tied across two trees. The “dogs” would be vicious chihuahua’s and, by “guards with the gun” you’d imply that the 3 guards each share the same handgun. Keep on rockin’ the awesomeness that is you!

  36. girl got it goin on toNIGHT

    #9 Thank you, man. THANK. YOU.

  37. tinedramaqueen

    Can she please just disappear from society! NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT HER! The fact that she would drive a pink car around to draw attention to herself proves shes worthless and she knows it

  38. Jeff W.

    It just pleases me to no end that she was robbed. Nothing annoys me more than a person with an undeserved sense of entitlement. It continues to boggle my mind that people are interested in this vapid waste of a human being.

  39. Turd Ferguson

    @29:
    Actually, that car makes me want to throw up and shit at the same time….not prevent it.

  40. Shep

    With the incredibly messed up economy and children waking up on Christmas morning with no presents……….. Yeah I feel bad for the moron posing with her pink Bentley. Fuck off Paris and go buy yourself 2 of everything that was stolen from you. Stupid Slut

  41. You Wish You Were Barbie

    Hopefully, the same person will now see her car and kill her.

  42. KT

    Its amazing that you guys all say you dont care about her..and she is a waste of time, but you take the time to come on here DAILY and read about celebrities.. they all have money..and lots of it..they can do with it as they please. Maybe all those people that dont have anything to give their 20 kids on christmas should of thought about that when they were popping them out. 2008 has been a hard year.. .for every “normal” person..that is why you PLAN for christmas in advance instead of waiting till the last minute to buy something for your kids.. she doesnt have any kids..and our concerns arent HER concerns. People all need to take responsibility for their actions… and put blame on themselves..and not worry about how other people are spending their own money!

  43. KT

    Its amazing that you guys all say you dont care about her..and she is a waste of time, but you take the time to come on here DAILY and read about celebrities.. they all have money..and lots of it..they can do with it as they please. Maybe all those people that dont have anything to give their 20 kids on christmas should of thought about that when they were popping them out. 2008 has been a hard year.. .for every “normal” person..that is why you PLAN for christmas in advance instead of waiting till the last minute to buy something for your kids.. she doesnt have any kids..and our concerns arent HER concerns. People all need to take responsibility for their actions… and put blame on themselves..and not worry about how other people are spending their own money!

  44. KT

    Its amazing that you guys all say you dont care about her..and she is a waste of time, but you take the time to come on here DAILY and read about celebrities.. they all have money..and lots of it..they can do with it as they please. Maybe all those people that dont have anything to give their 20 kids on christmas should of thought about that when they were popping them out. 2008 has been a hard year.. .for every “normal” person..that is why you PLAN for christmas in advance instead of waiting till the last minute to buy something for your kids.. she doesnt have any kids..and our concerns arent HER concerns. People all need to take responsibility for their actions… and put blame on themselves..and not worry about how other people are spending their own money!

  45. fearsarewishes

    KT–

    The first time was stupid enough.

  46. Danklin24

    So she has all that security and says no one is getting into her home and yet, someone did get into her home. Why would those guards let someone she knew in her home when she wasnt there? I’m guessing the guards were probably raiding her panty drawers and then laying on her bedroom floor scratching themselves from all the infections and std’s they just contracted.

  47. Xy234

    Obvi it was her new BFF, c’mon guys.

  48. Cartman

    Whore should be killed for what she did to that fine automobile.

  49. She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” W e a l t h y D a t e r . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now? ?????????????????

  50. scabbeus

    Come on people!

    The car is a promotional vehicle for Valtrex and is affectionately known by the Hollywood crowd as the “Lesion-Mobile”.

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