Paris Hilton is topless, possibly constipated

February 28th, 2008 // 388 Comments

Paris Hilton poses topless for the latest issue of 944 Magazine. I can’t tell if she’s trying to be sexy in these pictures, or really has to go to the bathroom. It’s like “Ooh, yeah, I’m Paris Hilton and I’ve got to piss like a race horse. Isn’t that hot?” I dunno, I guess – sort of. But you know what’s really hot? Drinking anti-freeze. I mean, wow, e to the rotic. And, hey, I’ve got some right here. You go first, sexy girl. Mmm, yum yum!

Photos: 944 Magazine, Splash News

  1. Lowlands

    This skinny legged creature has lost some weight.She’s probably on a diet of liquid food,a dose of 25 millilitre a day.

  2. the real meh

    Zane…shut the fuck up. Not everyone spews their political views at the drop of a hat. I think that’s what you did. Hypocrite much? I think so.

  3. mamadough

    i think it’s great he hasn’t had the balls to tell us what country he is from because then he will really get reamed. but of course, he has no problem being a butthole about our country. oh, and thank you france for the:

    i love crepes!

  4. Zane

    #98 – yes, and how about the War of 1812? That went well for you guys, also. Granada was pretty impressive.

    Vietnam…not so much. Why’d you decide to repeat it, anyway?

  5. the real meh

    Zane…shut the fuck up. Not everyone spews their political views at the drop of a hat. I think that’s what you did. Hypocrite much? I think so.

  6. croatiansensation

    birdface is eastern european? ok then, hampster ass pig nose is american. hey- fair is fair. the average size 14 has more to worry about than a birdface.

  7. Oso Polar

    Zane is not French. He is a TOOL. Say good-nite Zane.

  8. Zane

    “Thank you for continuing to dodge the rest of the questions and assaults coming your way.”

    Sorry, I’ve seen some video clips of your candidates “debating” so that the voters can make an informed choice, and I guess I’ve picked up their habits. Wonderful leaders, all of them.

  9. Sauron

    She starts to look like that other creepy creature,Nicole Ritchie?

  10. jenna

    gross. way too skinny.

  11. mamadough

    baiser de et vous mourir le bâtard français d’âne

  12. eurotrash

    quit pickin on zane, while he may indeed be an arrogant ass who somehow managed to turn posts about paris hilton into a pathetic political debate HE”S RIGHT!! get over it.

  13. Auntie Kryst

    @104 Vietnam was previoulsy a French colony, and the French screwed that up first. 1812, yes the very young United States took a lot of raps to the head on that one, but eventually prevailed. Next? PS, the beaches of Grenada are pretty nice.

    Seriously dude, how was that semester in Europe? Did you go to the Bulldog when you visited Amsterdam? What about Paris, did you check out Morrison’s grave? Kick ass brah!

  14. sweetnsnooty

    the new model for the concentration camps “look at me ya’ll, it’s not so bad”

  15. GUEST

    OKAY ppl, her legs are NOT that skinny. Can you not see all the photoshop-badness?? And all yall saying she’s too skinny – are obviously just jealous.

  16. mamadough

    he’s right about what exactly? i think he has surrendered, told you he was french!

  17. monkeyfightclub

    There’s no way she’s good in bed.

  18. Blarg

    One word describes Paris in all her… “glory.”


  19. Cali

    ‘Not impressed with these comments’.
    Zane – February 28, 2008 4:45 PM

    and we care because…….?

  20. Jules

    Either the screen on my computer is fucked up, or her skin tone is really…. messed.

  21. niles

    From Paris to politics, you gotta love this site! Who has the crepes?

  22. mamadough

    zane has the crepes… but i wouldn’t ask right now…it’s nice with his self-pretentious ass gone….i’ll go make some

  23. eurotrash

    self righteous or pretentious?

  24. croatiansensation

    tshh…bluebloods aren’t even capable of that skintone. photoshopped and sprayed, trimmed down, lengthened neck, arms and legs. skin is refinished obviously. cmon you have all seen the photoshop youtube vids.

  25. fuckjedupamericans

    paris is orange like a cooked chicken. Skank whore.

  26. Boohoo

    Poor Paris, all that photshop and still a dumb whore….

  27. Eirin

    Is she really back to being so SKINNY?!
    That looks painful.

  28. Rob Bagdasarian

    Why can’t American school children find Iraq ON a map?

    Because the US Armed Forces wiped it OFF the map.

    Thank you to all of our hard working troops to make Zane look like a moron.

  29. Alice

    Paris Hilton is so rich. But she is dissolute, still hunting young sexy men on

  30. Alice

    Paris Hilton? Bad girl? I saw her profile with sexy photos on, where celebrities and wealthy singles hook up. She feels lonely, doesn’t she? Is she looking for a serious relationship or just for fun?

  31. ferlo

    man, she seems like such an idiot.

  32. carly

    like her style in these pics but her legs look way too anorexic

  33. max

    she is hot .good job.she rocked it.

  34. Jess

    I’m no Paris-fan (who is?) but I gotta admit, her body is awesome! I would much rather look at a thin, model-esque body than the cellulite-covered asses of JLHewitt and Britney.

  35. You

    I guess someone has to compete with Lilo’s New York mag cover…

  36. BillyM

    Absolutely ugly — in every sense of the word. This is one gross female.

  37. Yourfairytale

    #4…As someone who has Slavic blood, I find that extremely offensive. I do not look anything like that, and neither do any of my friends with Slavic roots. Paris is 100% Nordic and ugly, tyvm!

  38. K

    correct me if I’m wrong, but is her right labia poking out just a bit on the 4th picture??

  39. Effie Ellis

    This is honestly, the worst Photoshop job I’ve ever seen. Her body isn’t even proportionate, much less human.

  40. Fuck T-Mobile! Their customer service is shitty. Trying to buy a fixed number of minutes leads to a Kafkaesque journey through an automated response system and speaking to multiple people using a distorted audio system because the customer service agents can’t simply quote a per minute price. Fucking assholes!

  41. Now I hear the missus having a difficult time trying to do a simple transaction.

    This is addition to T-Mobile’s other horseshit.

  42. Jackie

    Look at those hooves! :O

  43. alisa

    uhhhhhhh idk if you with the negative comments are jealous or blind or just love to hate on bodes you wish you had because shes not too thin shes pretty much perfect in these pictures and i dont even like her in saying it cause its the truth
    flat perfect stomach..long legs that arent even anorexic looking what the hell are you people talking about theres a curve to them guys are crazy…. not comin back to this link to see any replies fyi

  44. Alice

    My sister told me she met her new bf through m. Is that true? I think everyone would like to see what their profiles look like.

  45. Zane

    “Why can’t American school children find Iraq ON a map?

    Because the US Armed Forces wiped it OFF the map.

    Thank you to all of our hard working troops to make Zane look like a moron.”

    Really? It’s off the map? What about a few days ago, when two more U.S. soldiers were killed in Iraq, bringing the total casualties to almost 4000? I don’t know about American school children, but I bet about 4000 sets of parents believe that Iraq is still on the map. Probably about 5 times that many if you count the limbless ones too. For a country that was wiped OFF the map, it’s doing remarkably well in picking off U.S. soldiers. Maybe you could ask those parents what the return address was on the coffins, and whether they could locate it on a world map.

  46. Kate

    These are the most photoshopped pictures ever! She looks nothing like that!

  47. The first thing that popped in my mind was....

    @32 “I was so excited to be first that I typed too fast and used the wrong word.”

    SO EXCITED?!! Uh, get a hobby honey. Anybody who gets excited over typing a comment on a third rate celebrity gossip site needs to get out more.

  48. EN

    Egads, that’s one of the worst photoshop jobs ever. I hope bad photoshop is why her limbs look so emaciated, she doesn’t look this bad in pap photos.

  49. liz

    shes fake and so are these photos. you can tell her stomach is obviously photoshopped. when has she ever had curves?

  50. Jen

    Does anyone else think it looks like she’s wearing a diaper in the cover photo?

    Also, how is Paris international? Because she travels internationally? If so, then I’m just as international as she is.

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