Paris Hilton is topless, possibly constipated

February 28th, 2008 // 388 Comments

Paris Hilton poses topless for the latest issue of 944 Magazine. I can’t tell if she’s trying to be sexy in these pictures, or really has to go to the bathroom. It’s like “Ooh, yeah, I’m Paris Hilton and I’ve got to piss like a race horse. Isn’t that hot?” I dunno, I guess – sort of. But you know what’s really hot? Drinking anti-freeze. I mean, wow, e to the rotic. And, hey, I’ve got some right here. You go first, sexy girl. Mmm, yum yum!

Photos: 944 Magazine, Splash News

  1. The Office Whore

    FIRST to eat Paris’ compacted stools!

  2. Cass

    I find it really gross when there’s so much space between a woman’s thighs. That’s not sexy, it’s emancipated. Ew.

  3. Mex E. Melt

    she’s like a slutty giraffe

  4. kitty cupcakes

    does she have slavic roots? that bird face is very eastern european.

  5. Em

    Holy shit, those are some naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasty legs. Nasty. Nast. E.

    That is all.

  6. Dick Richards

    Ugh, no! I do not want to think about Paris Hilton defecating, ever! No!

  7. Shadix

    Sweet GOD, couldn’t they have taken her out of the oven when she was DONE?! I hate to be the douche who quotes Family Guy but she has the skin texture of a decorative autumn squash.

  8. Too skinny. Her waist is about the size of one of Frist’s thighs.

  9. moi

    So much photoshop used here.
    Especially pic #9: look at her waist.
    Yeah right.

  10. Em

    Oh, and #2: Emancipated? Good try, honey, but the word you’re looking for is emaciated. Close enough though (unless, of course, you know the actual definition of the two words…then you’re as close as Paris’ legs are to touching one another).

  11. meh

    @2…emancipated? She’s well over 18. I’m guessing you meant emaciated. That’s alright, your dumb. Just learn to live with it and stop attempting to use words you can’t spell.

  12. hausfrau

    UGH. Anorexia legs. Gross.

  13. lerntospel

    @ 11:

    It’s YOU’RE dumb, not your dumb. Stop posting and making an ass of yourself, retard.

    Oh and Paris’ upper thighs are gross.

  14. mrbuckles


    “your dumb”


  15. Em

    #11 – I beat you to it. Hah!

    Oh, and don’t call people dumb when you yourself seem to lack the intelligence to differentiate between YOUR and YOU’RE. I hate it when people do that. Sheesh.

  16. Shep

    call me crazy but I don’t like chicks that have the hands the size of Shaqs. “watch me palm this watermelon, isn’t that hot?”

    No not at all.

  17. meh

    @13-I was implying that #2 should OWN their dumbness, perhaps you should own YOUR doucheness.

  18. Wouldn’t care if she was shitting for a week. I’d still hit it just to say I did.

  19. Mrah

    I love it when people make fun of people for being dumb, and fuck up the simplest of words.


  20. Huh???

    Emancipate = To free from bondage, oppression, or restraint; liberate.

    Emaciate = To make or become extremely thin, especially as a result of starvation.

    I hope you DON’T mean emancipate. I would hate to see her thighs set free.

  21. Karissa

    She’s pretty/// but good god does she need to eat! She looks like shit in these pictures. Her body is -way- to skinny for her height.

  22. Paris Hilton's Penis

    The EMACIATED bitch looks like shit. She just has a weird body, Natalie Portman is just as thin but she doesn’t look all lizardy skelerwhorish like this fucking trainwreck. Her giant feet and so fucking unsexy, her legs are like chicken bones, the tan is ghastly and ug that penise nose I can stan it. BTW her waist doesn’t look like that at all, PHOTOSHOP much, go find candid bikini pics and you’ll see that bitch has no waist definition, she’s scrawny but they shaved her waist lemon wedge style, she has a boyish figure her torso goes straight down. You can even see it if you look closely, the photoshoping isn’t particularly impressive. I could have done it and I don’t have the geek gene. I’ve done photoshop for friends pictures with my crappy software and self taught skills, it’s pretty easy.

  23. Em

    #17 – Don’t YOU mean YOU’RE? I’m just saying…

  24. Karissa

    She’s pretty, but good god does she need to eat! She looks like shit in these pictures. Her body is -way- to skinny for her height.

  25. lerntospel

    @ 17:

    Congratulations. You’ve won the internet award for being a witless retard.

    Please stand and take a bow as we all point and laugh at you.

  26. grobpilot

    I salute all self-appointed spellcheckers and grammar police. Who the hell else is going correct all of the eighteen year-olds coming out of high school with a third grade education? Communicating through the written word is quickly becoming a lost art and we will turn into a species of illiterates if we don’t reverse ourselves. Keep up the great work.

    A fellow wordsmith

  27. fuck you

    there’s so much photoshop here…why in the hell didn’t she get them do downsize those gigantic things she calls feet
    Oh and 13 that was freaking funny!

  28. Auntie Kryst

    “Official Lifestyle Magazine of the Arizona Superbowl Host Committee” WTF?

  29. andrew

    #2 – Um…yeah, Paris isn’t exactly the poster-child for women’s emancipation.

  30. OutRunner1

    Amalgamate=to combine, unite, merge, or coalesce.

    Use: I would never amalgamate genitals with this odious skank.

  31. shanipie

    I’m sorry,
    I know that a lot of people think skinny is really hot but DAMN IT.
    Those legs are so fucking freaky, ew. Eat a damn Sammich girl.

  32. Cass

    I did use the wrong word. I was so excited to be first that I typed too fast and used the wrong word. And then I wasn’t even first. Awesome!

    But you know what I was getting at… too skinny… ugly… legs are gross. Add in something about an STD and you get my general comment.

  33. Pancho

    She can make poopy on my face any day.

  34. meh

    WOOHOO!!! I never thought I would be important enough to have a troll…weird how the person found my husband’s myspace page though. That’s kind of creepy…

  35. Zane

    Not impressed with these comments. You don’t like her look because she’s international, and you’re extremely parochial. It’s easy to predict your comments for every story. The world is a big place. You should get your heads out of your asses and travel a little bit. Maybe then you’d have something new to say.

  36. commish

    I wish someone would find my husband’s car keys . . . . . .

  37. @34 Meh, Welcome to the club.. If you take good care of your troll, you will get many years of enjoyment from them..

    Waiting, I am lieing, They suck!!

  38. Veroonica

    Someone needs to pour some anti-freeze in her twat. Kill that man eating monster once and for all.

  39. angel

    tyra banks had a show once about being in swimsuit photoshoots….she was giving advice, telling women to put their knees together like Paris is in the photo to make a space between their thighs – and look skinner.

    paris probably saw that. ew.

  40. Em

    #35 – And you’re what? International? As in Third World? Because that’s what I’m led to believe after your witty and insightful comment. And I don’t like her look because I have TASTE. Pure and simple. Oh, and the world IS a big place. Too big to really waste time on someone like Paris Hilton, which – admittedly – we’re all doing. Including you, sir. STFU.

  41. Hecubus

    Posing topless with a leather jacket covering your tits doesn’t really work when you’re only famous for sucking dick on camera.

  42. commish


    Do you mean “international” as in “being known worldwide for blowing random men in every Hilton owned hotel/motel domestically and abroad”?

  43. Sambo the Ass Pirate

    she’s trying not to emancipate the kinkajou she stuffed up her vag.

  44. Chelsea

    Lord her legs look fake n’ bake

  45. @35 Zane, You stupid bitch. I have been all over the world and a twat is a twat no matter what part of the world you are in..

  46. Cap'n Pickles

    Zane. Yep, I’ve done a bit of traveling. I remember those ugly ass pink and yellow seat covers Europeans would put in thier cars. Don’t get me started on the smell of kimshee(sic) and rotting fish in Korea. Hey, you’re right! Gaudy fabric? Rotting fish? Paris sure is international alright! You have corrected us all, my friend.

  47. wqewqe

    damn that cicruit city ad is intrusive. keeps becoming giant and taking over half the page and wont close even when i click the “close” button. it just takes me to their. i tired refreshing 5 times but that same ad keeps coming. makes the site unusable and if happens one more time wont be coming take that. haha

  48. Paris Eater

    Hey #2 – Give it a rest Chica! You don’t find it gross (it’s NOT)! Your jealousy from the obvious rolls of fat or crust between your thighs have you blind to what is hot!

  49. toolboy

    I don’t like her because she’s a talentless media whore who is mentally about as deep as a kiddie pool (complete with a 2 year old’s floater) and thinks she is the second coming of Christ. Her look is wonky eyed, spray painted and photo shopped. And quite honestly if she is “international”, I would, on behalf of the US, like to apologize to the rest of the world.

  50. She looks like someone with blue antifreeze on their dick, beat her repeatedly about the face. Was that you Fishy? Did you give yourself a b-day present to remember?

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