Paris Hilton is quite the dancer

January 18th, 2006 // 67 Comments

I think it’d be great if Kevin Federline and Paris Hilton had a dance off. It could air on Fox and, just for kicks, Gary Coleman could freestyle rap in the background. It would be like a totally sweet spinoff of Dancing with the Stars, only instead of stars there would be two whores and a little black guy who kept repeating, “Whatchoo talkin’ about, Willis?”



  1. Jayne

    …it’s like she’s riding an imaginary bull.

  2. SuperSpence

    Where are the rest of the photos in this sequence? What about the part where she masturbates a doberman while two night club bouncers have a swordfight in her mouth? If I know anything about Paris Hilton, that’s pretty much what happened about five seconds later.

  3. HollyJ

    LOL! Look at all the bystanders with their arms in the air taking photos with their phone and pocket cameras! It’s like a crazy ABBA concert circa 1976. That is HILARIOUS!

  4. ChaosMonkey

    Get down, you skanky Elaine, you.

  5. Manderoni

    HAHAHAHA…those are GREAT!!! I like the third one where she’s striking a “princess hip hop” pose – She’s so hardcore!! Hardcore moron that is….

  6. boo

    oh. my. gawd. what’s sad is that she thinks she’s really being sexy up there.

  7. Larry

    I’m all Paris Hilton-ed out. I can only take so many stories per diem about tall, skinny rich girls who’ve had lots of plastic surgery and don’t have much interesting to say.

  8. aziajs

    “…it’s like she’s riding an imaginary bull” – LOL!!!!!

    What is wrong with Paris Hilton?????

  9. Cate

    Who is that other girl up there? Being paris’s friend is just as embarassing as being ms hilton herself.

  10. JollyJumjuck

    aziajs: “What is wrong with Paris Hilton?????”

    Poor girl has never been the same since being rammed up Mr. Slave’s ass.

  11. Dam I’d like to see a headline where she gets into sh*t and can’t be bailed out. I am telling you Martha Stewart will be hosting “The hard times of Paris Hilton”.

    Paris:”I was behind bars, and this girl, she was staring at me, and I thought omg, why is her hair like, like, so dry looking”.

    Stewart:”did you actually say that out loud?”.

    Paris:”well no, the girl holding a blade to my kidneys warned me not to be my usual self. I was like , but I’m paris, you can’t do this!”.

    Stewart:”welcome to the real world huney, chuckles under her breath, you should be used that by now huh paris poof?”.

    Paris:”martha, your like, so rude, daddy call my limo?”

  12. kylieer

    I FUCKING HATE THIS CHICK!!! WHAT A LOSER, WHORE SHE IS!! Is that all she does is party?!?! Is she aware of the state of the world??! Does she care??

  13. Tink

    Can’t Paris Hilton afford dance lessons?

  14. amma

    …I think I might be turning religious, because all I can think of is ohmyeffinggawd!!!
    I mean yeah, you can tell she thinks she’s being totally sexy up there! Hahahahah…!
    I’m pretty sure that other person up there with her, the woman, is her mom. Not kidding.

  15. MandySmurf

    I’m not shocked. Someone so skinny like that would look ridiculous dancing so provocatively. Take Janice Dickinson for example, that episode of The Surreal Life when she was giving Bronson Pinchot a lap dance made me disgustingly nauseous, much like seeing a dead rotting cat on the side of the road being picked apart by live maggots covered in feces. It was just that vile.

  16. I smell yogurt

  17. greekdiva

    Looks like she’s having cramps on the 4th pic…

  18. All those cameras and not ONE coochie shot?

    For SHAME on the papparazzi! For shame!

  19. That is not a dance. That is porn!

  20. sammygirl

    I think she’s having a grand mal seizure.

  21. Larry

    In all the the pictures, she is sending out very strong vibes of “look at me and my hotness as I shake my hot thing; am I not very hot indeed? Do you not crave me?”

    Which, you have to admit, is 100% pure entertainment when done by Olive Oyl in a blonde wig.

  22. jennifer11

    and THIS is the person who WON’T do playboy?

    lord have mercy.

  23. HughJorganthethird

    Ok so we have established Paris can’t:

    give head
    form a thought
    pass an STD test
    tell us what country her name comes from

    anything I’m missing?

  24. trish

    in the third picture, I believe poor sister Nicky (ok it could be Tonya Harding) is just begging her to stop slutting up the place

  25. Lines of dirty coke, meet Paris Hilton. Oh, you’ve already met?

  26. spreaded_'em

    She looks like a stripper

  27. Mary45

    Yep it looks like mommy in that see-through shirt again… Paris looks really wasted. When did she get her hair extensions back?

  28. juicylips

    these are still photos and she still off beat.

  29. A disgustingly ugly whore dances. Always entertaining.

  30. tess

    I’m getting really tired of seing this whore. I mean, she should just Disappear. Someone should kidnap her and drop her in a muslim country where she would be forced to be covered up from head to toe, where she would have to stop sleeping around and where she would ultimately end up being burned alive by some crazy fanatic.

  31. zena marie

    Why are they holding up cameras instead of putting dollar bills in her butt crack.

    At least she’s not toting her poor little dig, Tinkerbell, with her up there… probably forgot her in the john, by the mirror, after slathering on a fresh coat of lip gloss.

  32. TiredAndEmotional

    That looks like the can-can – which is not as easy as it looks – so if it is, go Paris! Or it could just be the hokey-cokey

  33. SMF121490

    All that money but it can’t buy you talent, personality, or class.
    What a poster girl for skank

  34. aziajs

    juicylips: “these are still photos and she still off beat”
    I was thinking the same thing! Why can’t she dance?

  35. After last week’s Lohan/Moss faux slutty dance-off in NYC, Paris just wants the light to shine on her again. The next thing she’ll probably be ‘caught’ doing is coke in a sweaty bathroom. She just can’t squeeze any originality out from her acorn of a brain.

  36. ScottyBitch

    #31…..she makes her poor little dig wear lip gloss?

  37. and just imagine if she wasn’t an heir to the hotel throne. she’d probably be a $6 hooker in east LA.

  38. Binky

    Paris, yeah, well…right. Paris dancing. Gr8…
    Humm…well figure skaters were popular for a while, and tennis players. Who’s Condi dating ? What about the Euro-trash ?
    I think I’ve OD’ed on Paris and I didn’t even get a hickey…
    (Hummm…good idea 4 a Tee-shirt…but Paris is probably already selling them)

  39. ESQ

    In the second picture she looks like she is pointing to her goodies and the fifth picture she is showing her goodies. Geez, that Hilton clan has a lot of class.

  40. Captain Awesome

    Seriously, white people can’t dance.

  41. Sponge Girl

    Good ol’ reliable Paris.

    I hope she has children. I would *love* to see her try to reign in her fourteen-year old with “Honey sugar pumpkin, its wrong to be a crack whore because, well… um… But really, you shouldn’t go to nightclubs at your age because, you see sweetie, oh… um, oh fuck it, have some money”.

  42. spamnews

    All that to shake loose some crabs? I could swear I saw some lotion that’d do the job in the drug store … maybe they’re fresh, and it was a quick fix.

  43. Sheva

    It’s a Paris Ho’down. Yipeekaiyai and who cares if she is on beat or not.

    It’s a whore partying. Stop your complainin and enjoy.
    Shoot, I would. She looks better than she used to.

    Yes, of course she is dumb or dumber than a door knob.
    (We already knew that.)

  44. hafaball

    And thus the reason camera phones were invented…oh yeah, and to take pictures of dead Popes. But I hope no one got infected by some disease when she was dancing, she;s like a skunk, who sprays STDs…

  45. IsayAWESOME

    Paris Hilton is a filthy whore.
    and i only say that because im overweight and i wish i looked as sexy as her
    even though she is a filthy whore

  46. celeb_hater

    i believe that’s her mom in one of the pictures..the mom who wore the black see through top with no bra..the mom who has tits that didn’t seem to pass to her daughters. One thing that did pass is the skank whore gene.

  47. Just Nikki

    You know, the way she’s flinging herself around, people should know that she’s really just trying to get the crabs off her cooter. I have yt to figure out why everybody loves this douche so much?! She’s like atrain wreck waiting to happen… and to think, there are young girls who aspire to be her! Heaven help the slow and uninspired. *shrugs*

    Somebody kill this skank before she infests everybody with her stupidity!

  48. Zed

    It’s tough enough to see K-Fed in the media daily, but Paris Hilton?

    At least Kevin can pretend to have a quarter-ounce of talent by painfully blurting out the amazingly earth-moving ballad Popozao (er, “PoopPoopzao”), but with Paris there’s nothing–she can’t speak, write, think, dance, sing, or amuse by telling funny stories. Can she even read?

    Can’t someone make K-Fed go away? And can he take Paris with him? Pretty please? Someone? Anyone?

  49. Kelly

    wtf is she doing? I wonder if this girl looks back and notices what a tool she is. Probablt not because she is a self centered slut. I think it is funny that the people she uses to get herself places all hate ther now. The guy who produced her totally hates her now. She uses people like they are disposable. Can’t wait till she gets her. Hard core Paris, the only thing she knows about hard is dick!!!

  50. Give the girl a break, she does have *some* class and dignity! Afterall, she could easily have just changed her tampon in FULL VIEW of everyone instead of excercising the ladylike discretion that can be observed in picture 4.

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