Okay, I don’t get to do this very often, but I’m bringing you some exclusive news*: Paris Hilton is pregnant. Scope out that baby bump underneath her maternity dress. Oh, yeah, it’s on. While you gals plan the baby shower I’ll be stockpiling ammunition and canned goods for the coming collapse of civilization. Do you think I can fit a missile launcher in my basement? I think there’s room next to the Jacuzzi which, you know, is definitely staying. I’ll need that baby to seduce the few remaining women and repopulate the planet with my super seed. Or at least that’s what I’ll tell them. Actually, none of this is very different from my current routine except afterwards I won’t laugh and yell “Gotcha!” But then it won’t really be making love…
*This exclusive news may or may not have been completely made up by me and based on absolutely no facts whatsoever.
Dawn | November 13, 2007 at 1:12 pm
What in the hell is she wearing?
veggi | November 13, 2007 at 1:12 pm
wow. I wonder how much clothes cost in the Matrix..
(thanks Grandma’s Boy)..
themoose | November 13, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Dear god no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P911gt10c | November 13, 2007 at 1:14 pm
There, see what Dawn did there? She was the first to post in this thread and actually said something relevant to the topic.
Nicely done Dawn. As long as you don’t proclaim “first” somewhere else in here, you’re a role model for the rest.
LL | November 13, 2007 at 1:14 pm
It’s the dress. Thanks to the fashion powers that be, most of the dresses and tops now make everyone look pregnant, because the material billows out right under the boobs. Plus the shiny fabric highlights every bulge and bump. So, so flattering. Yeah, for the past year, fashion is the answer for every woman who dreams of being asked, “So, when are you due?”
Shallo Val | November 13, 2007 at 1:15 pm
Anyone who believes that, I got a really nice bridge to sell ya…I can see it from my window.
ashley k | November 13, 2007 at 1:15 pm
i freaking love her hair here
LayDeeBug | November 13, 2007 at 1:16 pm
2 veggi – NIIIIICE reference……
Funny effing movie.
veggi | November 13, 2007 at 1:17 pm
Yes, “first” doesn’t appear anywhere in this thread…except in #4.
Dick Richards | November 13, 2007 at 1:18 pm
Now, I think Hilton looks terrible now, but twenty years from now, Paris will be the ugliest skag ever to be known the world-over for being a complete nobody. Look at those legs. Horrendous. She’s almost (looks, everyone knows she is)like a clown. All those weird shapes. Is she trying to turn dick off? Maybe.
Dawn | November 13, 2007 at 1:18 pm
@4 I have been guilty of spewing “First!!” a time or two but my pimp bitch slapped that shit right out of me. I am a behaving bitch now.
FRIST!!! | November 13, 2007 at 1:21 pm
Damn veggi, how did you know I was lurking?! How’s the hangover today? Are you still getting that discharge?
veggi | November 13, 2007 at 1:22 pm
9- fuck off… I like mr. p11gt and his war against first.
and thanks bug…. I was gonna go with the “my name is paris, I am a robot, I have a robot vagina” but I thought my troll would go on and on that I said vagina. Now, see, I’ve said it twice now. vagina vagina vagina!!!!!
ValerieSara | November 13, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Paris does not even remotely look pregnant. Her dress is fuller than most dresses that she wears and that’s really all that’s going on in these photos. Slow news day?
veggi | November 13, 2007 at 1:23 pm
12 – a little bit, but the itching and burning are much better. Not too bad on the hangover today.
SSS | November 13, 2007 at 1:24 pm
Wow, a non-idiot posted first!
PS: Who’s the hot brunette?
itspat | November 13, 2007 at 1:25 pm
she might get pregnant some day…if her eggs are in her ass or mouth.
InstantAsshat-AddFame | November 13, 2007 at 1:27 pm
I love the discarded salad container at her feet in pic #11. It must be the modern way to hurl a head of rotten lettuce at someone who sucks.
Korea | November 13, 2007 at 1:29 pm
what did she get kocked up by some korean gook?
wastedOne | November 13, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Who the fuck wears a beannie with a suit and tie?
But is says GAP so it’s styling? Or is that in reference to who he works for?
nipolian | November 13, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Pic 8 – The dark haired stinkhole…..looks like she just got done blowing the black guy…….forgot to spit……doesn’t want to swallow…….now isn’t sure what to do.
SippinDaSizzurp | November 13, 2007 at 1:29 pm
Who the f*ck cares? I hate that skanky ass-tard. I wish she would go the hell away already, and get some talent. No going to happen, but a guy can dream right. She is a worthless Dog-shit Taco.
Burgernoodle | November 13, 2007 at 1:38 pm
there’s no way. she’s already slept with all the men on the planet and none of them would make that mistake twice.
PornDirector | November 13, 2007 at 1:49 pm
I have the exclusive rights to her conception video. Be warned, it looks a lot like a Bukakke film, because it is..but once she squeegees off, you can clearly tell its her. In the Bone-us footage, she and Nicole share a snowball and dish about the simple life. See you at the AVA’s!
FRIST!!! | November 13, 2007 at 1:54 pm
#12 Screw you!!!
Actually I don’t really give a crap anymore.
Splooge | November 13, 2007 at 2:03 pm
So #4 when someone posts First in the first post, you waste pixels on your inane drivel and when they don’t you still waste pixels.
Isn’t there any way to get you to fuck off and not waste people’s time and computers’ pixels.
claire | November 13, 2007 at 2:05 pm
27 BITCHES
FRIST!!! | November 13, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Sorry for being a cunt.
Crotch Kicker | November 13, 2007 at 2:06 pm
I agree that she looks pregnant, but she looks far more stupid than pregnant, if we’re going to talk about looks.
jh | November 13, 2007 at 2:06 pm
Has anybody else noticed how Paris always wears her hair over her left eye now? And how her eye seems to be slowly closing shut?
FRIST!!! | November 13, 2007 at 2:08 pm
NOT!
FRIST!!! | November 13, 2007 at 2:08 pm
#28, you should be!
Juniper | November 13, 2007 at 2:18 pm
Don’t do that again, Superfish, Do you hate us that much? DO you have any idea what happened when I read that headline? I ran to hug my children and all of us started to pray… it was not pretty.
blpressure | November 13, 2007 at 2:19 pm
If she’s not preggers now, she will be soon. The Anti-Christ is due any day now.
Hmmmm | November 13, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Isn’t she supposed to be remaining celibate for like a year or so??? Is that over already. What’s the address of thebasement?
Soy | November 13, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Nope impossible
she’s a Tranny
Pilatunes | November 13, 2007 at 2:33 pm
It’s me…I am the father. We did it twice and she was still on the phone. Anyway, I knew in my soul that we had made a baby.
Nicolerox | November 13, 2007 at 2:53 pm
I sure hope she isn’t pregnant. She looks drunk, cracked out or just more stupid than normal in these pics.
Doomhammer | November 13, 2007 at 2:55 pm
Look Mommy, a bird!! Can we feed it?
JVM | November 13, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Why is her Mind-the-Gap handler holding a CD and a rolled up dollar bill? Looks suspicious to me.
Italian Stallion | November 13, 2007 at 3:07 pm
Please, for the love of all that is sacred in this world, ABORTION!!!!!!!
TheLostGirl | November 13, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Slow news day hon… I fel ya ;)
TheLostGirl | November 13, 2007 at 3:09 pm
Slow news day hon… I feel ya ;)
Csandra | November 13, 2007 at 3:11 pm
Or she ate a meal and forgot to throw it up before going out? But really why would she eat a meal?
BunnyButt | November 13, 2007 at 3:18 pm
She looks pretty miserable in these pics, so she must be pregnant. And that hot brunette with her, isn’t that Jared Leto?
doomhammer | November 13, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Dogg says, son, Id rather you keep banging that nigg*# than hook up with Paris.
Village | November 13, 2007 at 3:44 pm
Since Paris got out of jail, she has been sporting a tummy that keeps getting bigger and bigger. It may be that she has stopped doing the things that make her heart race to lose weight, like coke and speed and cigs. She may need to start exercising to keep her great figure, off drugs.
Or she’s pregnant. By the Greek in Hawaii? She’d be about four months and starting to show. In S. Korea, standing next to Nicki, Paris had a HUGE stomach.
BaconMessiah | November 13, 2007 at 3:50 pm
Someone keep that bird away from my bait, I’m trying to fish here…
BunnyButt | November 13, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I’m still waiting for the post about Paris’ new cause: helping drunken elephants in India. The comments about that should be spectacular!
Jo jo | November 13, 2007 at 3:52 pm
did anybody notice that her shoes are coming apart. maybe the heiress is broke!!