Paris Hilton made an appearance at E3 yesterday to unveil her new video game, but in typical Paris Hilton fashion called it by the wrong name. She was there to promote “Paris Hilton’s Jewel Jam” but when she showed up she said:
“Sorry I’m late. I’m really excited to have my new video game, ‘Diamondquest.’ Thank you all for coming, and you can download the game.”
I could understand it if she called it Jewel Quest or Diamond Jam or some other variation where it was at least partially correct, but Diamondquest isn’t even close. It’s like she just thought of what the game was about and made up whatever name popped into her head. God forbid she was presenting Tetris, otherwise we’d probably have a game called Gravity Shapes on our hands.
GottaLuvMe | May 12, 2006 at 10:16 am
first?
GottaLuvMe | May 12, 2006 at 10:17 am
silly ho
downshine | May 12, 2006 at 10:17 am
damn!
sawzy | May 12, 2006 at 10:18 am
wow first AND you posted a story i submitted! outstanding.
wow. you can download a cell phone game? now i have something to take the place of uhm.. minesweeper?
the gameplay is probably you controlling paris as she runs around gobbling diamonds. she should have been gobbling cocks. then it wouldnt have mattered what the name was.
Kelly | May 12, 2006 at 10:18 am
Hi, I am such an attention whore that I would let anyone use my name for a prise and then not even care to mention the correct name. BTW those are not teeth they are hepes sores.
ellaminnowpea | May 12, 2006 at 10:22 am
looks like she lost the reception in her ear piece that was telling her what to say – that’s why she didn’t get the name right – Paris is incapable of extemporaneous speech and independent thought….but we knew that….
inspector11 | May 12, 2006 at 10:23 am
i assume the way you play the video game is to awkwardly hump the console until it gives you chlamydia. Then the console posts a videotape of it all on the internet.
Which is odd, because I’ve been doing that for awhile now.
Mr. Fritz | May 12, 2006 at 10:24 am
I was switching stations the other night and came upon the last 5 minutes of “The Simple Life”. Nicole was heavier and had ugly black extensions weaved in with ugly bleached hair. They were at a nudist camp and had to talk about what they loved about their bodies. Of course, Paris spoke in that slow valley girl drawl and said “I love my stomach, face,…..” Nicole gave her an annoyed look and I guess this is when the wheels started rolling inside her head.
suzy | May 12, 2006 at 10:24 am
looks like she worked alot on that project
they just wanted her name on the product to sell, and she can’t even get the name right
GottaLuvMe | May 12, 2006 at 10:24 am
maybe her next game will be appropiately called ” cockquest”.
Spacedog | May 12, 2006 at 10:25 am
Paris is the Alchemist of the 21st Century:
Everything she touches turns to shit.
frostedface | May 12, 2006 at 10:26 am
paris hilton is a genius boys, i won’t have a bad word said against her. genius you hear
Binky | May 12, 2006 at 10:27 am
Paris Hilton’s ‘BrainQuest’ would be impossible to win at .
xAgonyxScenex | May 12, 2006 at 10:28 am
lol does she think gamers are actually going to buy this
PapaHotNuts | May 12, 2006 at 10:30 am
This is no big deal. I walked into McDonald’s the other day, lost my train of thought, and ordered two brown pelicans, a bag of concrete, an 8-track of “Urban Cowboy”, and a baby koala bear.
Shit happens when you’re a genius.
Benny | May 12, 2006 at 10:30 am
The game should have been called herpesquest, the quest for the skank heiress of bel air.
Italian Stallion | May 12, 2006 at 10:33 am
“Paris Hiltons Jewel Jam” herpes included….
flamarkel | May 12, 2006 at 10:33 am
What exists in a perfect vacuum? Let’s open her skull and find out! It would be doing science – and the world – a service.
Dr.Rokter | May 12, 2006 at 10:37 am
Paris Hilton’s Jewel Jam. The RPG experience of the year!
“Part ‘Grand Theft Auto”, part ‘Countin’ Cookies at Sesame Street’. Jewel Jam’s rich, free-flowing club scenes sparkle!”
-GamePlayer Magazine
“Experience the thrills and spills of psuedo-celebrity in simple, understandable competitions involving shapes, colors and numbers! Outwit credit card officials, crash your daddy’s car, sleaze your way past bouncers. Make sex tapes for extra $$$ or just ‘hang’ with your famous AI friends!”
-Gamebuzz.com
“Five out of Five stars! Jewel Jam delivers a non-stop action ride and challenges gamers to see if they have what it takes to leech off everybody for 120 hours of pure gaming thrills. Snort drugs like a maniac, make decisions about what shit products to endorse. Fuck everybody and everything in sight. Decide whether your character will play ‘good’ or ‘evil’. Move over Tony Hawk, this is the *real* American Wasteland!”
-VideoHo Monthly
Steph | May 12, 2006 at 10:44 am
It hurts my head to think of how stupid she is
xannalvzhallax | May 12, 2006 at 10:48 am
Hmmm i notced that there are no nice comments about any of these socialites. Is that because no-one posts any or because they are removed to give the impression that no-one likes them?
Perhaps i have wasted around 43 seconds writing this because this might not be posted either because i don’t agree with the host of this websites views. God whatever happened to free speech!
momma | May 12, 2006 at 10:50 am
#19- excellent!
#21- I’ll bite: Aren’t Paris’ lesions looking lovely today??
Steph | May 12, 2006 at 10:51 am
Actually no comments are removed, just no one here likes Paris Hilton.
xannalvzhallax | May 12, 2006 at 10:54 am
Well i think Paris is great! So what if she’s rich and beautiful and boasts about it! I know i would if i looked that good!
I could see where people are coming from if she was really ugly and going around saying “I’m hot, i love my face, my body etc etc” but she is hot!
D-Rock | May 12, 2006 at 11:00 am
This game will finally answer the age-old question: how many damage points does it take for an orc to kill a slut?
blueballs | May 12, 2006 at 11:06 am
Is the goal of her video game to fish out the usded condoms burried deep in her Std ridden snatch?
Znuffy | May 12, 2006 at 11:06 am
Dear god I hope at least one of the std’s she has leaves her sterile. I cannot handle the thought of her reproducing.
PocketRocket | May 12, 2006 at 11:06 am
Heard that the premise of CockQuest is rather simple: As a two-player game, one player is Herpes Hilton and the other is Tom Cruise. They advance through varying levels of difficulty in a great pursuit of cock.
Znuffy | May 12, 2006 at 11:09 am
#24 you scare me. You’re prez of her fan club aren’t you?
xannalvzhallax | May 12, 2006 at 11:16 am
She has a fan club? Actually i wasn’t aware of that, but now that i am, i’ll consider joining. Thanks Znuffy
WTF | May 12, 2006 at 11:17 am
…and they call her HookNose Magee.
Gerald Tarrant | May 12, 2006 at 11:21 am
And in related news, the makers of “Paris Hilton’s Jewel Jam” have officially renamed the game to “Diamondquest”. The game’s Executive Producer Paris Hilton is quoted as saying “I like Diamondquest, it’s hot.”
And it looks like xannalvshallax is Sherry-co but in Paris worship mode.
Dr.Rokter | May 12, 2006 at 11:26 am
#24 People who look/act like Paris used to be exposed at birth. Back when society worked. Try these sites:
http://www.absolutely.net/Paris_Hilton/link.htm
Lotsa places to talk about how groovy that silly piece of shit is!
Getitstraight | May 12, 2006 at 11:26 am
#24 I bet you are the real Paris Hilton! It’s the only way to explain that you “like” this useless publicity whore. Either that or you’ve had a labotomy.
kaileykat | May 12, 2006 at 11:28 am
Actually, “cock jam” would be the most appropriate name, given how many of them she’s always trying to cram into her various orifices.
Getitstraight | May 12, 2006 at 11:29 am
Oh My Gaw Dr.Rokter please do NOT encourage retarded people to play on the computer.
Gerald Tarrant | May 12, 2006 at 11:36 am
I rescind my comment about xannalvshallax.
Definitely not Sherry-co. xanna is a total fucking whack job with complete celebrity worship. This site was designed for the likes of her. Because she’s ugly and all the celebs are beautiful.
Steph | May 12, 2006 at 11:42 am
#30 maybe people would like Paris more if she was smart, or talented, or nice for all I care. But the reality is, she’s not really any of these things. For fucks sake she can’t even make a good porn tape.
PapaHotNuts | May 12, 2006 at 11:48 am
Have any of you played Paris Hilton’s “My Vagina Will Kill any Living Thing on the Planet, even Roaches”? It’s great in hi-def.
Dr.Rokter | May 12, 2006 at 11:53 am
#36 Why, exactly, are you picking on me? Is it my cologne?
And tell your mom to stop calling me.
Aimtrue | May 12, 2006 at 11:58 am
I wish she would have called in Blister Attack- or Sore Score ot Herpes Invaders or How many tootsie rolls can you stick in my vagina
bigponie | May 12, 2006 at 11:59 am
that explains everything…
her brain is right below her vagina and her poop chute is that hole in the front of her head.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 12, 2006 at 11:59 am
Oh no, is xannalvshallax the new
He Who Must Not Be Named?
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e56/sohall/HeWhoMustNotBeNamed.jpg
Xopher.tm | May 12, 2006 at 12:12 pm
‘Cos, you know, Paris would totally pull a three-syllable word like “gravity” out of thin air. Not even if it were printed all-caps on cue cards, toots.
Xopher.tm | May 12, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Oh, yeah…
FIRST!
Znuffy | May 12, 2006 at 12:26 pm
xannalvshallax if there isn’t a fan club, I’m sure you and your room full of posters of Paris will make a great meeting place for it.
Flannery | May 12, 2006 at 12:44 pm
Paris Hilton would never call *anything* “Gravity Shapes” because she doesn’t know what gravity is: “Is that a kind of STD? I don’t think I have that one! Yippee!”
ohmygotti! | May 12, 2006 at 12:51 pm
this reminds me of the unaired episode of “The Simple Life” season 1 – “The cock coop” in which the cameraman trips while trying to keep up with a jubilant Miss Hilton, running towards the family farmhouse, only to catch up, showing a shot of young Paris sitting in the middle of the coop, a confused “where’s my panties” expression on her face, plucking a feather from the corner of her mouth. Don’t get it? PARIS LOVES COCK SWALLOWING… (paid for by PETA, Inc.)
ohmygotti! | May 12, 2006 at 12:52 pm
“LABIA BOIL INVADERS”!!
Iambananas | May 12, 2006 at 1:07 pm
OKAY SHE REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY IS A…..