A Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in LA County jail for violating her probation. Her sentence will start on June 5, and the judge made sure she wouldn’t be allowed on work release, furloughs, use of an alteranitve jail, or electronic monitoring instead of jail. Moments before the judge gave his decision, Paris was crying and told the court:
“I’m Sorry, I’m Sorry.” The judge called out her rep Elliot Mintz in court, describing his testimony as “completely worthless.” He also told Paris that he did not believe that she was unaware of her license suspension, adding that she had paperwork in her car stating that her license was suspended.
This judge is a fucking hero. I mean, yeah, I once saw him save a group of children by killing a bear with his bare hands. And then this other time I saw him run into a burning building to save a box of kittens. But really, this Paris thing is probably the most heoric thing he’s ever done. They should give him a cape. And also this card I made for him. I wrote his name in curly letters and drew hearts all around the margin.
BarbadoSlim | May 4, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Jailhouse Rapists rejoice!!!
Lal | May 4, 2007 at 4:57 pm
This made my entire month.
BaldingSuperhero | May 4, 2007 at 4:58 pm
I agree with all of the above^^
N'Arianne | May 4, 2007 at 4:58 pm
TOO DAMN FUNNY. I hope some of the other inmates rape her and film it. Paris crying and being raped will be a big hit on youtube.
BarbadoSlim | May 4, 2007 at 4:58 pm
“the judge made sure she wouldn’t be allowed on work release, furloughs, use of an alteranitve jail, or electronic monitoring instead of jail”
This guy is a fucking GOD
HerpesHilton | May 4, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Finally, my faith in humanity has been restored a little bit. It’s a great day when this horrid skank is finally knocked off her precious pedestal. YAY! It couldn’t happen to a nicer person!
How much does anyone want to bet that there will be a mysterious outbreak of herpes amongst the inmates in the jail while she’s there?
kamihi | May 4, 2007 at 5:00 pm
damn straight although the bitch still has a month to wiggle out of it, it should have happened from today not a month hence.
Doxes | May 4, 2007 at 5:00 pm
The judge’s birthday should become a national holiday. Like Washington’s Birthday and Lincoln’s Birthday used to be before they combined them into Presidents’ Day.
Josh_Lavarn | May 4, 2007 at 5:00 pm
That bitch deserves it.
Josh_Lavarn | May 4, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Too bad the judge didn’t decide on lethal injection.
ChicagoEric | May 4, 2007 at 5:02 pm
How many wannabes will be committing crimes in LA this weekend in hopes of getting Paris as a cellmate. Look for lots of immates to get a piece of her. Awesome that she’s going to jail. Maybe it will put some humility into her.
PS. I can’t wait for the pictures of when she drops the soap in the shower
BarbadoSlim | May 4, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Her rep’s testimony was considered worthless, basically that just means he was lying out of his ass. These people think laws are for the little people.
Think about that while Shawannda and her crew give you a broomstick pap-smear, whore.
Cowcat | May 4, 2007 at 5:04 pm
Huzzah! This more than makes up for me getting rear ended today!!
saradevil | May 4, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Evidence that justice is not dead?
Josh_Lavarn | May 4, 2007 at 5:06 pm
Hopefully some butch-dyke lesbos will make her their bitch & bash in her fugly parrot beak nose a few times.
monsterometer | May 4, 2007 at 5:09 pm
My faith in humanity and the balance of the universe has been restored. Ahhhh. Serenity.
Gerald Tarrant | May 4, 2007 at 5:09 pm
The chicks in jail won’t even rape her. Hell, they know she is a disease ridden skank.
angoraphobia | May 4, 2007 at 5:09 pm
speaking of firecrotches…guess who’s going to have one when they get out of jaaaaaail? booyaka!
grape | May 4, 2007 at 5:10 pm
yipppeeee skipppeeeee! Is there any way she can get bailed out or anything though? Do you reckon she will actually end up doing the whole 45 days??
Binky | May 4, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Well if she’s lucky Paris can one day say she’s a graduate….
of Con College.
‘Don’t drop the soap’ or is that guy’s prison thing ? …whatever. I’ve heard it’s not the Hilton.
(Deja vu ? Huffington Post had this before you Fish. Of course I suppose I could have hit refresh)
Spindoc | May 4, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Now THIS is almost worth O.J. going free. Whoo Hoo! Go get her Judge!!!
TJH | May 4, 2007 at 5:12 pm
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! My only question is this: why didn’t the judge say, “Bailiff, please handcuff Miss Hilton and remand her to the jail. Thank you. Court dismissed.” BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
grape | May 4, 2007 at 5:12 pm
P.S- check out the facials in the photo. She looks like Old Man Withers in a wig, cursing the neighbor’s kids for throwing flaming bags of shit on the porch.
Populist | May 4, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Nicole Richie’s up on charges too. If she isn’t sweating bullets, or alcohol, or heroin residue over this sentence, she will be soon.
Dingo | May 4, 2007 at 5:18 pm
CAN’T STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fifth Stooge | May 4, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Now she’ll have street cred and a tear drop tattoo.
BarbadoSlim | May 4, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Next phase of her downfall, the cancellation of most of her contracts and appearances.
What respectable business wants this degenerate convict representing them?
anotheruselesscomment | May 4, 2007 at 5:20 pm
I disagree with #1 through #24. Paris will turn this into a huge publicity campaign and get more exposure at not cost to her than anything she’s done in the past, except the famous video. She’s a savvy businessperson and can exploit this opportunity to her financial and personal advantage.
diddleysquat | May 4, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Hard time. Hard time Paris! That’s hot!
grape | May 4, 2007 at 5:22 pm
Whatsthe bet she gets out of it. It all comes down to ching-ching-a-ling $$$$ at the end of the day
Poroleishon | May 4, 2007 at 5:23 pm
OK PEOPLE!!!
THIS IS LIKE, THE COOLEST THING EVER!!! HAHA!!!
BUT STILL…. I
grape | May 4, 2007 at 5:23 pm
#28 dear god you are probably right. But let us not waste this sliver of sweet, sweet reckoning!!!!
Hecubus | May 4, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Well it’s been said before me but , I LOVE THAT FUCKING JUDGE. The guy is my hero, someone link us to a photo of him so I can blow it up and hang it on my wall.
They should dress that guy up like Judge Dredd, give him a gun and send him after all of these socialite whores.
Superevil | May 4, 2007 at 5:24 pm
hahahahahahahahah!!!!!
28: and by “savvy businessperson” you mean “Wonky Eyed CumDumpster” right?
Spindoc | May 4, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Paris is going to be staring in the remake of that old Linda Blair Movie, “Born Innocent” especially the scene where she goes to jail and is raped by a bunch of women with a broom handle.
grape | May 4, 2007 at 5:26 pm
The judge probably went home, smiled a sly little smile, pulled off the mask and wig, and went out in her cowboy boots, fishnets, left the kids with kev, and strutted off to another dance session….
Binky | May 4, 2007 at 5:27 pm
and some cheetos…
greeneyedcat | May 4, 2007 at 5:28 pm
I’m actually kind of surprised, though.
BarbadoSlim | May 4, 2007 at 5:29 pm
@28…There’s a possibility you are right, but IMO you are overestimating her capabilities. There’s a lot of Paris fatigue out there.
yuckyfresh | May 4, 2007 at 5:32 pm
there is a god.
S.P.F.R.S. | May 4, 2007 at 5:33 pm
Well well, hooray, and while I am no fan of Paris, something is out of whack here. Ummm didn’t Brandy kill someone a few months ago and she isn’t going to jail (yet). Hmmm. Guess killing someone isn’t as bad as drunk driving on a suspended licenses.
grape | May 4, 2007 at 5:33 pm
@12 Yeah .. the Judge didn’t need to spell that out. Anyone who heard the dessert-cream-nostril story knows that Elliot guy projectiles shit out of his mouth every time he opens it
DrPhowstus | May 4, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Fuuuck me! I wished for it just last night and it worked! And my wife said this $2000 magic genie lamp from that garage sale at that going out of business fortune teller’s wouldn’t work… Dear Mr Genie… please put Vida Guerra nakedly in my bed tomorrow, covered in whipped cream and Guinness (fuck you it’s my dream). Amen.
And I can’t for the headline:
PARIS SURRENDERS… AGAIN
Fuck the French…
The Jazzer | May 4, 2007 at 5:36 pm
Thank God for that Judge!!!! Finally someone that is not blinded by these celebrity brats and their money! This skank has had it coming for a long time, I can’t wait to be rid of her wretched image for 45 days – roll on June 5! Herpes Hilton – may you have the worst 45 days of your life and maybe you might learn that you are not above the law even though you’ve been flouting it for years. Good Riddance. I also want a picture of this judge, I will create a shrine to him. I’m lovin’ this way too much!!
DrPhowstus | May 4, 2007 at 5:38 pm
can’t “wait”… I’m about as giddy as Paris at a coke party…
Solaera | May 4, 2007 at 5:42 pm
That’s Hott. Lol.
I am so going to make myself a margarita right now and toast that heroic judge with all my heart.
Mwah! xoxoxoxox
Happy Friday Everyone! Life can be so good, sometimes!
mrs.t | May 4, 2007 at 5:45 pm
You are all forgetting about the ‘hard time’ that Martha Stewart served. I know it’s tempting to wish that she’ll be in with Shawanda, Roquesha, and a greased broomstick enema, but it’s not gonna happen.
Paris is going to wind up in some half-baked, minimum security Camp WannaEatMe type place.
Count on it.
bribear__x3 | May 4, 2007 at 5:46 pm
yay!
*celebrates*
^__^
BarbadoSlim | May 4, 2007 at 5:47 pm
@41…Actually it’s not the same thing. Herpes was already given a slap on the wrist for her offense but SHE decided to spit on that and not comply with the mandated provisions of the probation. She didn’t even enroll in traffic school for god’s sake.
So, she’s not going to jail for her original offense, she’s going to jail for failing to comply with her VERY lenient sentence.
CtK | May 4, 2007 at 5:50 pm
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! im glad she is getting what she deserves, but this is only Jail not Prison so it wont be that bad. I hope it is tho :)