Paris Hilton is getting fat

What’re you seeing above is a deliberate attempt by Paris Hilton to gain attention by wearing maternity clothes. But since I drink 12 cups of awesome for breakfast, I’m going a different route: Paris Hilton is getting fat. Sources say she’s moved from Coke Zero to Diet Coke and is eating whole sandwiches instead of her usual diet of heroin with a twig of celery. And, let me tell you, it’s really starting to show in those thighs, folks.

I’ll take that medal whenever it’s ready.