Paris Hilton is fishy and other news

August 21st, 2009 // 36 Comments

- Criss Angel is such a master of magic, he has a woman’s haircut. Ta-da! [PopEater]

- Billy Ray Cyrus approves of Miley’s pole-dancing at the Teen Choice Awards. Is anyone really surprised by this? Honestly. [The Blemish]

- Cameron Diaz and Keanu Reeves are dating. [Lainey Gossip]

- Leighton Meester sounds like an amazing person to take to dinner. [Celebslam]

- Renee Zellweger needs to be stopped. Seriously. This is getting ridiculous. [PopSugar]

- Megan Fox is hosting the season premiere of Saturday Night Live. [Just Jared]

- Brad Pitt calls Tom Cruise’s Valkyrie “ridiculous.” Ha! Midgets can’t kill Hitler.[Splash News]

superficial

  1. Tanzarian

    I’d stick it in her fishy vag.

    Oh, and I’d do it if she was a mermaid, too.

  2. Crocoduck

    Smells like fish, tastes like chicken. Or in her case, also tastes like fish.

  3. Harold^Sick

    Finally, she looks like she smells!

  4. BRANDON M. WITTE

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITTED.

    SINCERELY, BRANDON M. WITTE

    ARLINGTON, TEXAS
    AGE:33

  5. BRANDON M. WITTE

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITTED.

    THESE INCLUDE HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITTED AGAINST BRITNEY SPEARS DURING THE MONTHS OF NOVEMBER 2007, DECEMBER 2007, AND JANUARY 2008.

    FOR MORE INFORMATION, TRY DOING A GOOGLE SEARCH WITH MY NAME (BRANDON M. WITTE) WITH THE NAMES: PARIS HILTON, RICK HILTON, AND NICKY HILTON.

    THE WEB SITE PARIS HILTON ASKMEN.COM CONTAINED MUCH OF THIS INFORMATION.

    ALSO, PARIS HILTON HAS NOW BEEN TAKEN OUT OF GOOGLE’S NEW PROMPTING FUNCTION (WHEREUPON WHEN YOU TYPE IN THE FIRST LETTERS OF A PERSON’S NAME ON GOOGLE AND THE DIFFERENT POSSIBILTIES THEN COME UP BEFORE YOU CLICK ON “SEARCH.”

    SINCERELY, BRANDON M. WITTE

    ARLINGTON, TEXAS
    AGE: 33

  6. Nameless

    I bet Siren smells like cocaine, fish, and herpes.

  7. lllovelulu

    I found a great dating site________W e a l t h y D a t e r. C o m________. The best dating club for seeking the rich singles, sexy beauties and even hot celebs.. what’s the most important is that you dont have to be a millionaire.but you can meet one. I think everyone need to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy .You should check———————————————–

  8. bang dang

    That looks like rotten tuna. Stay away

  9. g_girl

    keanu is gay.

  10. baba

    I always thought she looked like a flounder with that loopy eye thing she has going on

  11. gotmilk?

    i never knew that Rene was so fucking boring. i’ll just go back to not paying any attention to her again.

  12. andy

    My friend recommended me a very interesting place____billionaireromance .com____ It’s where wealthy singles looking for someone to enjoy their wealthy lifestyle with:)

  13. Triton would want to impale her with his fork thingy. Not in a good way.

    -meream

  14. Mother of god. I thought she was being punked. Turns out it’s her fans being punked.

  15. Blech

    WTF does this ad even mean?

    A siren, a mythical creature, is comprised of both woman and bird, i.e., female with feathers. Sirens are not sea maidens– mermaids, sirenas, sirene, etc, are.

    Paris would have been better off posing in the uniform of an authoritative figure such as a police officer or firefighter.

    She needs to rid of her ad campaign managers and designers, pronto…

  16. dude

    #9 wins the contest. Too funny.

    Also, could it be true? Could we have another Randal on our hands? May it be! Please Brandon White, age 33 of Texas, tell us more about Paris or any other celeb you know about!! seriously!!

  17. her lower half is that of a fish, wow this joke is too easy. its like if sarah palin wore a sarah palin mask.

    http://TheOverrated.com/

  18. BRANDON M. WITTE

    HEY DUDE, YOU GET #2 AFTER #9! TOO FUNNY!

  19. shay

    If I am correct, sirens really ARENT mermaids,
    They’re bird women.

    Greek mythology.
    what a dumbass.

  20. Érico

    Paris is an ugly biotch. Who buys the shit she advertises?

  21. Galtacticus

    I like her fish tail.It looks like it’s made out of golden coins.

  22. Rhialto

    I wonder what her siren song could be? Stars are blind?

  23. Nero

    #26
    Is she the Antisiren!?

  24. gigi

    Shay, guess what [with your "if I'm correct..."] you are not ‘correct’ There are sea sirens… guess you closed the book up at the wrong spot… mermaids fit the bill. you don’t even need google for that/ besides, who even cares? Anybody who thinks Paris is a tacky skank doesn’t need a botched lesson in mythological creatures to confirm anything.

  25. BRANDON M. WITTE

    PARIS HILTON IS CURRENTLY EVADING FEDERAL PROSECUTION FOR FEDERAL CRIMES COMMITTED.

    SINCERELY, BRANDON M. WITTE

    ARLINGTON, TEXAS
    AGE: 33

  26. Meseret Hailu

    When will we hear about a celebrity man’s missing penis?

  27. BRANDON M. WITTE

    PARIS HILTON HAS FORCED ME TO TAKE COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF FEMALE HORMONES. I NOW LACTATE FROM SMALL BUT NOTABLE BREASTS DUE TO THIS DEVELOPMENT. SHE ALSO HAS FORCE FED ME HUGE AMOUNTS OF LAXATIVES, I NOW DEFICATE MY PANTS CONSTANTLY.

    IF ONE DOES A GOOGLE SEARCH UNDER HER NAME, MY TOILET FLUSHES UNTIL IT OVERFLOWS. THIS PROVES SHE IS EVIL.

    SINCERELY, BRANDON M. WITTE

    ARLINGTON, TEXAS

    AGE: 33

  28. BRANDON M. WITTE

    DISREGARD THE LAST RIDICULOUS COMMENT LEFT HERE IN MY NAME. SINCERELY, BRANDON M. WITTE ARLINGTON, TEXAS AGE: 33

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  30. You write is too good, I top, continue refueling ah

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