Paris Hilton is box office poison

February 11th, 2008 // 71 Comments

Paris Hilton’s movie The Hottie and The Nottie completely tanked this weekend. To be honest, I’m surprised it made more than $1.50. But, I’m no box office analyst. Fortunately the folks at Fantasy Moguls are and, like my fifth grade girlfriend, did the math for me:

The final count will show that the critically reviled comedy featuring the seemingly talentless Hilton has sold a meager $25,500 in tickets at 111 locations over the weekend. That’s only $230 per screen for theaters that were convinced to book this disaster. That means that, based on an $8 average ticket price, 29 paying customers showed up at each location over the 3-day.

Paris didn’t seem too concerned that her acting career is back in the shitter where God himself wants it. She unveiled her new line of shoes at Macy’s yesterday and signed autographs for fans. One woman even let Paris hold her baby. Why a social services SWAT team didn’t immediately secure the child is beyond me. At least I know, when this poor little girl develops an incurable diaper rash, her pediatrician will medically punch the mother in the face. Paris Hilton holding a child. Wow. Wasn’t there a barrel of toxic waste nearby? You know, something kid-friendly.

Photos: Splash News

  1. All men

    Fine, boobs-symbol chick, I’ll tell you: tell your sister to ditch the padded bra, make it clear that she’s flat, keep that ass as close to perfection as possible, and be very uninhibited in bed. She’ll get lots of guys, but they’ll be real men who like to FUCK. They won’t be the guys who are stuck in the 1950s and/or have mommy complexes, who want to sit and stare at big boobs. It’s a market transaction, really: here are my big boobs to look at and play with, and…I’m not gonna do a whole lot of that sex stuff with you. Lacking those baubles, your sister has to play ball, figuratively and literally. But she doesn’t want those breast-fixated grown-up baby-boys anyway, not unless she’s afraid of sex like they are.

  2. STFU

    Gotta agree with #51. And once you have her ready to go tell her to call me.

  3. PTSD

    I hope that baby shat in her lap.

  4. yogagirl

    News flash. She doesn’t have that much money relatively speaking. Yeah enough to be jealous of if you have none but she mostly mooches off of everyone wherever she goes and tries to get everything for free. I read that her GROSS income last year was supposedly 7 mil. Since she her publicist put it out there, you can bet it was less. Ever see her photographed with anyone with REAL money? Does she have a yacht? Her own jet? Multiple homes? No, no and no. In fact, she had to sell the one she had supposedly because of the paps. Right. Like she ever minded that? Everyone knows she couldn’t afford it. Could you imagine HER first row at Valentino or Balenciaga? They know who’s got the money and who doesn’t. They would never risk having her anywhere NEAR them. Her mother when she was engaged (read big publicity stunt) to Paris Latsis said she was going to have Valentino design her gown. Someone asked him about it and he very publically snubbed her by sniffing and saying “the Hilton’s, they have nothing.” He’s too busy taking care of clients with REAL money, like the wedding gown of a certain shipping magnate’s grandaughter. You can be SURE she’s not invited to those sort of events if she can’t even get IN to Louis Vuitton’s show in Paris (yes, it’s true, she couldn’t so she’s just stopped going to Paris Fashion Week because she knows she won’t get in to any show that matters). She’s truly a parasite and it’s very amusing watching her grow old in her delusional world. I’m particularly looking forward to about five years on when her face is as stretched thin as one of those little dogs she carries and she’s blathering on about how empowered she now feels blah blah blah. But money? Nope. As soon as she can’t mooch anymore, she will just be another trust fund baby and believe me they’re a dime a dozen.

  5. (*)(*)

    #51. Good feedback. Alright. That’s sort of what I thought. Really she’s an awesome chick, crazy hot, really funny and YES very “giving” and “open” (she’s dated girls butt she’s no slut, she’s my sis so I can’t really say more) also she’s very into staying in perfect shape (plus our fam has good genes, Mom’s in perfect shape, a la Heather Locklear). She won’t change she’ll always take care of herself and having fun in bed has it’s own rewards, those lazy biitches don’t know what they are missing. Anyway she has a bilnd date and I was thinking she should ditch the padded bra too. Maybe it’s a good thing when you’re as hot as she is to be flat that way she can keep the little douche manboy babies at bay and get someone who isn’t going to treat her like a posable doll. Most of her boyfriends just liked showing her off and always said “if only you had big boobs you’d be perfect’. Fuck ‘em they weren’t half as hot as she is, apparently beggars can be choosers.

  6. whoa

    so did this movie do worse than jessica simpson’s last one? i would think those two would be about neck and neck…

  7. Her only "talent" is having been born the heiress of a fortune

    She can’t expect people to like her when all she’s famous for is only for being lucky enough to be born the heiress of a huge fortune thanks to her grandparent’s hotels, and then she pretends and attempts to be:

    - An actress (in some movies/TV shows)
    - A porn star (her sex tape)
    - A singer (her album or albums)
    - A model (all her modeling jobs)
    - A shoe and fragrance designer (her shoes and fragrances)

    She has no talent to be any of those, and it pisses people off that just because she was born the heiress of a big fortune she thinks she can do any of that just for the heck of it, especially when there’s really talented people outta there who have to work their butts off to get the smallest thing.

  8. (*)(*)

    pardon my spelling.

  9. yogagirl

    Here’s the thing. She’s NOT the heiress of a huge fortune! Yes she’s gonna inherit a chunk of change but in the world she’s trying to make a place in it’s nothing. Why do you think the Greeks wanted absolutely NOTHING to do with her? Not just because she’s a whore but ALSO because they have real money, the kind of money that gets you apartments on the Ile de France or Valentino designed wedding dresses. THAT she doesn’t have and never will have. There are plenty of trust fund babies driving around Palm Beach who are richer than her but they don’t whore themselves out. Paris will whore herself out anyway anyhow for freebies, vip attention, etc. And everyone knows she does. She lives like Ted Kennedy, never pays for anything. Funny thing tho. She’s not a Kennedy, she’s just a dumb whore with a fat trust fund which isn’t even as fat a helluva lot of people. And people with real money treat her like a disease. Again case in point. Where’s Paris during Paris Fashion Week? hahaha! Like I said, can you just SEE for instance JPG putting her in the front row of the Hermes show? She’s trash and in THAT world she’s nothing. And she’s getting ooooollllld. hahaha! Then she will be even more nothing. Doesn’t she just look so happy to be getting older? Love her wrinkled neck, don’t you?

  10. To #8 (bro)

    ha ha that was great!

  11. Sauron

    I’ve always thought that ‘bad’ girls can turn out becoming a great mother.Imagine how Paris Hilton would be as a mother.Maybe almost as great as her candy-like shoes.

  12. ipanema_is_schuyler

    #58: hey, quit talking about your “sister”. we all know it’s YOU you’re referring to all the time. so you got miserable As. big deal. put in silicones or get over your generous goddess-like self.

  13. everyone

    #62. Thems the jealous words of a fattie and or ugly.

  14. ipanema_is_schuyler

    and u still got small As.

  15. yogagirl

    Let’s see Paris in ANY row at a top show during Paris fashion week. If she had real money, if she was anyone, she would be there. She’s not. Why? Well she literally IS a whore. She whores herself out (including in the traditional way) for press, freebies, etc. and everyone knows it. What serious person who deals with people with real money is going to insult them with her presence. She’s been snubbed in a very public way and there is no going back. Sometimes someone who is just another trust fund baby CAN make into that world but she’s never going to. God her birthday pics. What a pathetic, beat whore.

  16. FRT

    Hiltons new shoe line…???

    I hear they are all the rave amongst the NBA drag queeens…!!!

    She even has a pair that will fit Shaq…oh sorry…those ARE Paris’ shoes…!

  17. I’m actually surprised that anyone thought that people would want to see this mess

  18. throwing up

    #29 & #43

    you people…. are sick

    you just said your sisters tits were cute and that she had a really nice ass

    are you from the south?

  19. angle.s.

    love her. She is so gorgeous. I have seen her photo on a celebrity and millionaire dating site named Many men winked at her there.

  20. Caitlin

    Wow. Laquered cork wedges with pink patent. Way to combine three, like, three totally yesterday trends. Truly inspiring, Paris. Where do you get your ideas?

  21. Them be some F-ing hideous shoes. Funny write ups lately.

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