Paris Hilton says she’s giving up sex for a year in order to help rediscover herself. She told hosts Regis and Kelly:
“I’m doing it just because I want to. I feel I’m becoming stronger as a person. Every time I have a boyfriend, I’m just so romantic, and I’ll put all my energy into the guy, and I don’t really pay attention to myself. One-night stands are not for me. I think it’s gross when you just give it up. Guys want you more if you don’t just hand it to them on a platter. If they want you, then they will wait. You have to make them work for it. I think that’s the only way you know if they really want you or just want to be able to brag that they’ve been with you.”
Paris Hilton giving up sex for a year is like Lindsay Lohan giving up bikinis. Or Britney Spears giving up taping her baby to the trunk of her car. It sounds good on paper but everybody knows it’s not gonna happen. Having sex is Paris Hilton. Can you say to a rainbow “Hey, stop being a rainbow for a second”? No! Such is Paris Hilton.
NOTE: If you get the reference you win a million bucks. Deer, that is. You can collect in the nearest forest.
Italian Stallion | July 13, 2006 at 12:27 pm
That’s funny because I’m totally giving up caring about this herpes infested bitch for the rest of my life. Beat that whore!!!!!!
Chef | July 13, 2006 at 12:28 pm
That is a reference to Mango from SNL.
Where’s my money bitch?
honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah | July 13, 2006 at 12:28 pm
It’s easy to give up sex once your vag has rotted and fallen off.
PaisleyMoon | July 13, 2006 at 12:29 pm
Used up skanky, pissy pants, dumbasdirt, useless, boring, untalented whore.
joshieposhie | July 13, 2006 at 12:30 pm
I give her maybe a week and then she will crack.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | July 13, 2006 at 12:30 pm
Hey, SF guy, totally awesome Mango reference from one of the least funny sketches during the one of the least funny eras in SNL history, second only to the current.
FeverDog | July 13, 2006 at 12:31 pm
i’m giving up masturbating to paris and lindsay lohan for a year too
Justin Igger | July 13, 2006 at 12:32 pm
I’m giving up work for a year!!!
sharkbite | July 13, 2006 at 12:32 pm
I can just imagine Paris in a monestary in a pink burlap sack. It helps me get through the day.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
RichPort | July 13, 2006 at 12:33 pm
In realted news from the land of make believe, Paris Hilton is giving up Valtrex for a year.
oshkoshb-goshdammgosh | July 13, 2006 at 12:34 pm
I want to break Chris Kattan’s acid-eating monkey mouth with a brick.
chelsea_423 | July 13, 2006 at 12:36 pm
Mango? I thought it was his Antonio Banderes skit he was referencing.
Justin Igger | July 13, 2006 at 12:37 pm
I’m gonna give up fat white bitches too. Nevermind, i can’t do that, i love me some fat white bitches and crack, lots, and lots of crack!!!!
pop | July 13, 2006 at 12:38 pm
that story was out hours ago….
http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/2006/07/paris-hilton-to-give-up-sex-no-really.html
she’ll give up sex with michael jackson gives up molesting children….
Glossed Over | July 13, 2006 at 12:38 pm
Paris, just keep telling yourself that announcing your vow of celibacy on a TV show doesn’t come across at all like a desperate plea for attention.
http://glossedover.com
ESQ | July 13, 2006 at 12:39 pm
As of this print this slut has already gotten drunk and screwed half of Bungalow 8, Butter or wherever the fuck else she has been at. Paris you are just so stupid aren’t you?
jrzmommy | July 13, 2006 at 12:39 pm
She says all of this as if it’s she just had this big epiphany that people might think you’re a whore when you fuck multiple men every week and become a walking herpe.
By the way, she looks like such a BITCH in that picture. Man I wish Shannen Doherty would kick her ass again.
Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest | July 13, 2006 at 12:40 pm
That entire statement she made is theoritical on her part. She conveniently left off at the end, “Or so I’ve heard.”
AnastasiaBeaverhausen | July 13, 2006 at 12:41 pm
In other words, she’s been thru everyone in NY and LA. And those she hasn’t fucked refuse to fuck her for fear of getting dick rot.
Also, I might be more convinced that she actually thinks its gross to “just give it up”
if her pussy wasn’t plastered all over the internet.
Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest | July 13, 2006 at 12:42 pm
“Paris Hilton giving up sex for a year is like Lindsay Lohan giving up bikinis. Or Britney Spears giving up taping her baby to the trunk of her car.”
…Or like Tom Cruise giving up the cock. We could forever with these.
jane's eyre | July 13, 2006 at 12:44 pm
The only way it’d be possible for Paris to not have sex is total isolation. Preferably at the bottom of the sea, wearing custom-made, designer cement shoes.
jrzmommy | July 13, 2006 at 12:46 pm
I wonder how hard it was for Regis and Kelly to contain their hysterical laughter.
Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest | July 13, 2006 at 12:46 pm
I’m sure #21 she would molest a few seashells down there so that suggestion is out of the question.
AnastasiaBeaverhausen | July 13, 2006 at 12:49 pm
I doubt she needs a WHOLE year to rediscover herself…something tells me she’s not that deep.
Fugurself | July 13, 2006 at 12:49 pm
This will last as long as Saddam Hussein’s hunger strike.
bigponie | July 13, 2006 at 12:50 pm
picture of paris on the phone…
Paris: Hi daddy, it’s me Paris, I just want to let you know that I’ve given up sex for a year.
Daddy: Wait a minute, who the fuck is this?
AnastasiaBeaverhausen | July 13, 2006 at 12:50 pm
Or, does it take a year for the genital warts to start to recess?
Italian Stallion | July 13, 2006 at 12:54 pm
Wait, is it lent already?
Italian Stallion | July 13, 2006 at 12:55 pm
MeganHarris gave up sex, but not by choice……..
jrzmommy | July 13, 2006 at 12:58 pm
Paris (on the phone): “A year is HOW long?? “
Fugurself | July 13, 2006 at 12:58 pm
In related news, the incidence of herpes in quarterbacks and greek shipping millionaires has dropped by 95%, since this cumdumpster got off the market.
jemsinamood | July 13, 2006 at 12:58 pm
@26…hahahaha!
herbiefrog | July 13, 2006 at 12:58 pm
well we think it’s sweet
just what we would expect
from one of our leading
ponies :)
“Guys want you more if you don’t just hand it to them on a platter. If they want you, then they will wait. You have to make them work for it.”
…so do let us know
…how that turns
…out for you
babe :)
P.S. what exactly do you mean
by “work for it” ?
BoredStiff | July 13, 2006 at 1:03 pm
**DISCLAIMER*** The preceding statement as made by Ms. Hilton does NOT include taking it in the shitter or giving blumpies ***
sillyrabbit | July 13, 2006 at 1:05 pm
see, since her vag is basically under disrepair, it is physically impossible for her to take it that way. maybe she doesn’t consider anal or blowjobs “sex” per se.
MeganHarris | July 13, 2006 at 1:08 pm
I think she can do it. I believe in her. She’s a strong woman with a lot of will.
Go Paris!
jane's eyre | July 13, 2006 at 1:08 pm
35
She learned that one from Willy Clinton.
MyWellRehearsedMistake | July 13, 2006 at 1:10 pm
33. Herbiefrog, you rock my world.
I think when she says “work for it” she means “pay for it”.
This is just like the Britney – “leave me alone – oh look i’m nekkid on a magazine cover” stunt. There’s obviously another sextape on the horizon.
MeganHarris | July 13, 2006 at 1:11 pm
She’s such a positive role model for young girls. I really believe that.
bigponie | July 13, 2006 at 1:14 pm
yes megan, a positive role model for young girls who wants to get into porn
MyWellRehearsedMistake | July 13, 2006 at 1:15 pm
39. Yeah MeganHarris, she’s such a positive role model. I’m sure you’d be delighted if your kids turned out like her.
http://www.imnotobsessed.com/2006/07/07/omg-this-is-so-bad
AnastasiaBeaverhausen | July 13, 2006 at 1:18 pm
Megan Harris will never get laid. I really believe that.
flamarkel | July 13, 2006 at 1:18 pm
She’s one short step from scientology. May God give her a push. And may she be standing on the observation deck at the Empire State Building.
KiwiBrownn | July 13, 2006 at 1:19 pm
In related news, Valtrex stock has plummeted to an all-time low.
saltpeanuts | July 13, 2006 at 1:29 pm
So, she’s giving up meat? Guess that makes her a vag-eterian. ** drum roll, rimshot, crash**
ptprez | July 13, 2006 at 1:38 pm
i pray she gets gang-raped the entire pittsburg steeler football team and that idiot big ben drives his motorcycle into her grand canyon-like snatch…
RichPort | July 13, 2006 at 1:43 pm
GREAT! I just realized that that picture was taken on 50th St right off of 6th ave in Manhattan, the same FUCKING street I have to walk down to get to the train every day. No wonder they walled it off and have HazMat teams running around with Geiger counters going off the charts! I heard a few yelling at some of the newbies not to hurl inside their protective suits… but it was too late. Sad, just sad I tell you. I have to go burn my shoes now, since they are surely infected with mutant herpes. Where’s a helicoptor and a German outhouse when you need them??? I mean FUCK, I thought they were our allies…
UNWASHEDMASSES | July 13, 2006 at 1:44 pm
I like when she commented that one night stands weren’t for her, that giving it up was gross. When did this occur to her? The 14th time she was diagnosed with a new strain of herpes? Or the third time she had to go in for vaginal reconstruction? What she didn’t say in the interview, but was implied in the way she diddled herself on national t.v., was that she may have given up sex but not lying. Or perhaps we are overlooking yet another possibilty – that her puss is so riddled with a sundry of stds that it has become nothing but a huge, weeping sore. A pusy pussy. She has no choice but to lay off the lay until things are decontaminated. Apparently the only guys who’ll screw her are Greek shipping heirs – and we know they’ll fuck anything.
jFp | July 13, 2006 at 1:47 pm
Paris: “I’m giving up sex…” “One-night stands are not for me. I think it’s gross when you just give it up.”
(Long pregnant pause)
(crickets can be heard in the background)
Regis: “So…..people are afraid to screw you”?
Paris: “yep”
PapaHotNuts | July 13, 2006 at 1:58 pm
I’m giving up chicken for a year. I’m not giving up eating chicken, just fucking them.