Paris Hilton has allegedly been trying to get out of the premiere of her new movie National Lampoon’s Pledge This, because it’s so bad she’s embarrassed to be associated with it. An insider says:
“The premiere was supposed to have been on Oct. 11 in Chicago, but Paris called at the last minute and canceled, claiming she had to promote her album. The producers didn’t want to have the premiere without her because she’s the biggest star in the movie, which also features Simon Rex and Randy Spelling, so they rescheduled for Oct. 28.” But now Hilton has told the producers she won’t likely be attending then, either. “The movie is horrific,” said our source. “It is a limited release that will likely go straight to video. Paris doesn’t really want to be associated with it. Her movie career is not exactly booming, and she needs to not be seen as a flop. Also, the movie has a lot of topless women in it, and she is trying to distance herself from the whole porn thing.” A rep for Hilton said only, “She will appear at this premiere.”
It’s hard to imagine that the star power of Paris Hilton won’t be enough to make this movie a raging success. This is the same woman that brought us canned wine. She wields so much influence in Hollywood she makes Julia Roberts look like Kathy Griffin’s makeup artist. I mean anybody who can spend $35 for a bottle of water for their dog has to be a huge star. It’s science.
Beav: This fucker is good!!!
WHY does she ALWAYS make a face that looks like she’s saying, “nyeeeaaah”
It’s too bad that moronic skank didn’t come here to Chicago. I’d love to personally finish off what that other blonde whatshername started.
How about you stop writing about this bitch, already. Even in Superficial Land I’d like to think there’s something slightly more cerebral going on.
Damn right I’m good. My whistle is like an earsplitting fife being played by a lunatic with a bloody bandage around his head. And the sunlight, rent into an incoherence of blazing vectors, illuminates me.
Before ypu decided to become a doctor what did you do?
51–CRAP I just caught myself….
I have been had. A lot.
Holy shit, Dr. and Dr, I think *I* may be having an identity crisis soon…
I’m obviously not drunk enough. Yet. Stallion, got any bud left? That might help, too. Or at least I’d no longer care who’s who.
Dad was in the basement centrifuging mouse spleen hybridoma, when I informed him that I’d enrolled at the Wilford Military Academy of Beauty. The spirit, pride, and discipline I acquired during the rigors of the Academy would remain with me for the rest of my life. I’ll never forget the Four Cardinal Principles: Teamwork; Positive Atttitude; Hair That’s Swinging and Bouncy, Not Plastered or Pinned Down; And Hair That’s Clean, Shiny, and Well-nourished. It was too difficult for me, so I dropped out and became a doctor instead.
I normally have my wits about me but I’ll be fucked if I have any clue what the christ is happening. So confused. Actually I’ll be fucked in a few hours anyways after I get piss drunk watching the Mets win the pennant and then get all up my on husbands shit.
But I digress, it’s good to see a crew of old schoolers for a change in these here parts. Bring it.
@56 Beav: Had a lot. You are awesome.
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@58 Now I know you are an imposter, becuase you never dropped out of the Wilford Military Academy. You are both a doctor and beautician. If you don’t remember that, it’s because you are a FAKE!!! My memories of being unceremoniously roused in the middle of the night and sent off on 25-mile tactical missions with full pack which included: poncho, mess kit, C rations, canteen, first-aid kit, compass, lean-to, entrenching tool, rinse, conditioner, setting lotion, two brushes (natural bristle and nylon, two sets of rollers (sponge and electric), barrettes, bobby pins, plastic coated rubber bands, and a standard-issue 1500 watt blow-dryer. HA!!
I graduated the top of my class. Ass-wipe!!!
and that is the most realistic picture of Paris Hilton ever. She looks like a bald retard with a wig & a lisp and is wondering “whereth my mommy at? thee thaid thee would pick up me up from the mall 2 hourth ago and now i want ithe cream with penith on top”
#23 is right, she does look like a llama. It’s sort of uncanny. Don’t be surprised if she starts spitting (that’s a llama thing, right? Spitting?)
RE movie: she’s the biggest “star” in the movie and it didn’t occur to her that maybe that was an indication that it sucked from the get-go? And also the “National Lampoon” in front of it? Those people haven’t made a good movie since… well, since the very first one. Now, if the movie had been titled “Paris Hilton’s Suck This,” that might have gotten some box office, at least the first week, out of sheer morbid curiosity. Sorry, Paris, but most of the time, live by the porn, die by the porn. Let this be a lesson, starlets and would-be starlets: once people have seen your cooter onscreen, they’ll never be able to think of anything else when they see you after that. Jebus, people still mention Sharon Stone’s, and that was 20 freaking years ago. There are some things that are impossible to erase from your memory.
Bullshit!!!! You failed the final Exam and you know it!!! (listen to me I’m referring to myself in the third person, I may be losing my mind) You are busted. We were airlifted to a remote region, and we parachuted directly into a hostile enclave. We had to subdue the enemy using hand-to-hand tactics like tae kwon do and pugil sticks, cut their hair in styles appropriate to their face shapes, and give them perms, and I left the activator in too long and completely Failed.
The REAL Dr.Rockter will be able to tell me why we needed the Monistat. Remember?
P.S.
Paris looks like a real-life version of those god-awful Japanese anime characters. You know, the triangle-shaped mouth with tongue showing, googly eyes that seem to vibrate, stupid choppy hair.
FIX YOUR FUCKING NOSE, BITCH!! GOD DAMN!
Sonya, you’re probly better off staying out of this. Don’t get me started up on you again.
http://myspace.com/whatsallthisthen
Lamebananas is alive? I thought he was dead, I could have sworn he had expired after being accidentally stabbed with a spork 57 times.
myabe it was something I dreamt.
Well. It looks like this site is going to start to suck again. I stopped posting because of all the stupid troll crap, and thought that it cleared up. Apparently not. So tootles.
#67 – Banana boy never left, it’s just been posting under a different name and making friends.
I just saw a picture of Puffy wearing those bug eye shades like the Olson twins, acting all heterosexual… I almost spit out my filet mignon and Ruffino Chianti… ok fine it was Chef Boy Ardee and cherry Kool Aid, but still, that shit was funny.
RichPort old boy would you mind directing me to where you Lord Puffster wearing said eyewear so I too may throw up… Dom Perignon and ..
ok fine Doritos and Crystal Light in my case.
Fuck this Doctor shit. Barbado, I’d like to hear more about your huge cock, I mean troubles being a black man.
It’s not all trouble CfC I try to take it one day at a time and buy lots of extra large underwear.
Now about that Crystal Light?
Bejesus that was confusing. I wish I hadn’t read all that now as I’m seeing double.
I would ask for a second opinion but I think I already had it. And it was just as confusing as the first.
But anyway, couldn’t one of you docs do something about lancing that boil on the face of society? Or are you docs of philosophy?
#72 – I hear ya Slim… I have to bring a stepstool to the john because that toilet water sure is cold.
My wife is an Access Hollywood addict (I know, I know, but you don’t throw out a Cadillac just because it has dent…). I saw Puffy and his sunfagsless there.
YUCK…she is fucking ugly.
All that cash still can’t buy you a new grill.
She looks like a bird. An ugly bird that is.
Because birds are pretty and I do not want to insult them by comparing them to this thing.
She doesn’t even smoke good bud!
What a loser!!!
Mouth-breather
Is she missing some teeth on the side?
add sophia coppola to the list of canned wine. her ass even made sure to include a drink box straw on the side. fuckin nasty.
Is she missing some teeth on the side?
I motion to change Paris’ name officially to ‘Cock Sheath’ or ‘Cum Receptacle.’
All I’m saying is if I was on a spaceship with Paris Hilton, THIS is what *I* would do:
http://www.maximonline.com/slideshows/videos/horror.aspx?film=10
“A rep for Hilton said only, “She will appear at this premiere.”
He forgot to add, “when pigs fucking fly.”
Heard the movie is going straight to DVD. Of course this movie is going to flop BIGTIME, Paris is in it.
Does she have downs sydrome now? just wonderin’
“Also, the movie has a lot of topless women in it, and she is trying to distance herself from the whole porn thing.”
ROTFLMAO!
god she is unattractive… guess money doesn’t buy everything after all.
i can’t believe she is still attempting to be an actress, doesn’t she realize by now that she doesn’t have any talent?
her and “k-fed” need a reality – check
Holy smokes is that a prosthetic nose?….Hey Paris do us a favor and stick to what you do best….. Raunchy Amature Porn Films….. I see a bright future
wow, i guess that’s what they deserve for casting her in the first place
I always knew that Paris Hilton had a huge ego, but this is beyond laughable. Well, not really, it’s quite funny! But I guess she thinks that since money has bought her everthing else, it can buy her this. Maybe she can get a star on “The Walk of Shame” instead?