Paris Hilton is a huge star

October 19th, 2006 // 91 Comments

Paris Hilton has allegedly been trying to get out of the premiere of her new movie National Lampoon’s Pledge This, because it’s so bad she’s embarrassed to be associated with it. An insider says:

“The premiere was supposed to have been on Oct. 11 in Chicago, but Paris called at the last minute and canceled, claiming she had to promote her album. The producers didn’t want to have the premiere without her because she’s the biggest star in the movie, which also features Simon Rex and Randy Spelling, so they rescheduled for Oct. 28.” But now Hilton has told the producers she won’t likely be attending then, either. “The movie is horrific,” said our source. “It is a limited release that will likely go straight to video. Paris doesn’t really want to be associated with it. Her movie career is not exactly booming, and she needs to not be seen as a flop. Also, the movie has a lot of topless women in it, and she is trying to distance herself from the whole porn thing.” A rep for Hilton said only, “She will appear at this premiere.”

It’s hard to imagine that the star power of Paris Hilton won’t be enough to make this movie a raging success. This is the same woman that brought us canned wine. She wields so much influence in Hollywood she makes Julia Roberts look like Kathy Griffin’s makeup artist. I mean anybody who can spend $35 for a bottle of water for their dog has to be a huge star. It’s science.


  1. Captain Walleye


  2. Captain Walleye

    She looks like a cartoon character.

  3. I understand Paris is famous and therefore doesn’t have to behave in any kind of sensical manner, but wouldn’t it have been easier to just not star in movie she’s ashamed of?

    I know, I know, I’m expecting too much.

  4. Madrid Marriott

    I guarantee she just finished sucking cock before that photo was taken. She’s licking all the remaining spooge from her lips and teeth.

  5. RichPort

    She’s slowly turning into Elvira… minus the good looks, tits, great hair and nice clothes.

  6. bigponie

    memo to Paris: Your not bringing the ‘sexyback’

  7. BigJim

    I wish a stingray would stab her through the heart.

    Speaking of stingrays, I betcha that’s what her nasty ol’ vag looks like: one big giant flapping stingray.

    With poisonous barbs.

  8. jrzmommy

    she looks like an avant-garde Dutch boy

  9. She looks odd here: she does look like a cartoon character.

  10. Italian Stallion

    Where’s Sonny?

  11. commissioner

    My son asked me the other day, “Mom, why aren’t we a weird orangy color like the people on t.v.?”.

  12. BarbadoSlim

    Is it me or can you actually see idiocy oozing from her pores?

    It’s quite hypnotic

  13. Pagan Queen

    Looks like she was snapped in the middle of saying “dee dee dee” ala Carlos M.

  14. Chaste

    *sight* when will that girl be looking at least charming…..?

  15. BigJim

    The title should have said, “Paris Hilton has a Huge Vagina”

  16. Scott

    You guys need to get more informed. This is a well-known camera-man trick- he just starts to sing I’m a little teapot in a slow but steady tone and she’s instantly amused.

  17. Captain Walleye

    While I was manturbating to her pic it dawned on me…she looks like one of those Japanese anime characters!

  18. BarbadoSlim

    I just read how she doesn’t want to be associated with the production, this bitch has got it backwards. If I were the producers, well, you know, I would commit ritual suicide for ever having been associated with her.

  19. Scott

    And no, she doesn’t have a huge vagina, #16. If you roll it up, it’s the same size as anyone else’s.

  20. Captain Walleye

    Sorry, I meant ‘masturbating’. I’m still flustered.

  21. assfacecocknocker

    she is a silly cow and really dum. but i have seen the movie where she sucks down some guys cock and she does a good job on it too. so i would still go the bitch. she could suck a harley through a length of garden hose!

  22. no one you know

    She looks like a llama. A cud-chewing, spit-spewing, traipsing-through-her-own feces llama. And anyone who wants to ride THAT has fucking issues.

  23. @11 Stallion–BAHAHAHA!

    “I got cold sores all over my twat,
    and I’m not sure how cos I’ve had too many cocks, babe.
    I got the herp, babe
    do do do do
    I got the herp, babe
    do do do do…”

  24. I can’t tell if she’s a human or a fifth- generation gynemorphic android and I don’t care, as I crack an ampule of caspian mating phermone and splash it all around my infundibulum, … letting it waft across the smoke filled room as I sip my drink, a methyl isocyanate on the rocks — methyl isocyanate is the substance that killed more than 20,000 people when it leaked in Bhopal, India, but thanks to my weight training, aerobic workouts, and a low-fat fiber-rich diet, the stuff has no effect on me.

  25. BarbadoSlim

    I don’t know #23 her stupid hair is giving me more of an Alpaca vibe.

  26. Miss Beaverhausen you are much too close to me at this point, right on top of me where I normally like it, except I am not wearing my Hasmut suit and at this range, the downy cilia-like hairs that trickle from your navel remind me of the fractal ferns produced by injecting dyed water into an aqueous polymer solution.

  27. suzy

    to me, she still looks like a pigeon

  28. Stuey75

    the best thing about house of wax was paris getting skewered

  29. However, you have the glibness, superficial charm, grandiosity, lack of guilt, shallow feelings, impulsiveness, and lack of realistic long-term plans that excite me right now. We feed on the same prey species. My lips are one angstrom unit from yours, which is one ten-billionth of a meter… it did however take the aid of a step-ladder!!!

  30. Dr.Rokter


    You took my nic. Awesome. Funny blog, though.

  31. Anastasia_Beaverhausen

    Dr. I have no idea what you are saying to me, but I know that my clit is red and swollen to the max…

  32. @33 Actually–you took his nic, he’s been the good Dr. WAY longer…

  33. Dr.Rokter

    #35 Truly? Not on this site. I’ve been gone for a while, but I used it months ago. Oh well. That’s what you get for using a WASP song for handle.

  34. What the fuck is going on? I thought Dr.Rokter was always the same person? I’m very confused………….

  35. BarbadoSlim

    It doesnt matter as long both doctors on staff are funny. The one posting on #30 seems completely out of his mind, mad doctor?, possibly homicidal.

  36. Stallion–its ok baby, you are confused cos its all the blood rushing from your head to your gianormous horse cock…

    Barbado–The original Dr. is insane, yes. But also a great lay…

  37. Italian Stallion

    They’re both funny, but #30 is def. AKA Cock Ninja, that’s just how he is. But I always thought he was Dr.Rokter, then Hopeless Screenwriter, then Dr, Rokter when he felt like it. Fuck, see I am confused…………

    Brain hurts gotta go smoke……..

  38. Dr.Rokter

    #39 I’m the original, I’m pretty sure. And I ain’t doin’ this to fuck with you. Actually, before you were here, as I recall. Stallion – Lengthy sex scene with Edna Bambrick? ring a bell? anyway. That was months ago, and I left for a couple, so somebody just took up where I left off. Which is cool anyway. Serves me right for giving up.

  39. 41 I was someone else before I was me…

  40. Dr.Rokter

    42 I wonder who. Far out

  41. Hopeless_Screenwriter

    @41 Dr.Rokter: Funny, you disappeared around the same time Hopeless_Screenwriter came on the scene. Check the archives asswipe! Then Hopeless_Screenwriter left for a while and now he’s back and so are you. This is awesome.


  42. This site cracks me the fuck up, really I can’t stop laughing at all this. This is awesome……….

  43. Dr.Rokter

    #44 Hopeless_Screenwriter was never me. I only used this name. Oddly enough. I left because I was getting sick of 15-year-old assholes stealing other people’s names and clogging shit up for pages. The irony of this is worthy of O.Henry. And, fellow asswipe, if you check the archives from way back, the *original* Dr.Rokter has a period after the “Dr”. The new one (with the fahkin’ wicked pissah blog) doesn’t.

  44. 45–That’s not the site that’s the effects of you smoking kind bud ;)

  45. 46 No fucking shit. Asshead. The original was changed becasue of all the fucking trolls trolling DrRokter asspony. I’m the original, and you are Walrus Gumboot. Peeknob. Where did you get that thing anyway, it’s almost identical to mine? I’m impressed. Even how it’s stuck in the waistband of your balck jeans? Feel free to ogle its thick fiber-reinforced plastic barrel and the Uzd-Biotech logo embossed on the magazine which holds two cartidges of gelated recombinant DNA. I got it for Christmas. Where and when did you get your’s?

  46. Dr.Rokter

    #48 What the fuck are you talking about? I got mine from my mother’s uterus I was the size of a chicken buillon cube and Father said to the obstetrician: I realize that at this stage it’s difficult to prognasticate his chances for a productive future, but if he’s going to remain six-sided and 0.4 grams for the rest of his life, then euthanasia’s our best bet.

  47. 48–I want your throbbing cock so bad right now…

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