Paris Hilton unveiled her latest product “The Bandit” this weekend which is, surprisingly, not a giant vibrator shaped like the Hamburglar. I’m as shocked as you are. That said, these launch photos will no doubt be the smoking gun in the mysterious case of “Holy crap, my pee is burning me.”
Photos: Splash News, Flynet









































HEY RICKY BOY, GET READY FOR PRISON FOR PAYING PEOPLE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO TRY AND SILENCE BRANDON WITTE. HE GOT YOU, YOU LITTLE CRACK HEAD. RICK HILTON, ARE YOU GOING TO KILL YOURSELF?
Blah. She’s annoying.
And although I hate to say it, I must admit her new boobies look good.
Yeah, I was wonderin about dem boobies too. They be lookin like the chicken fillets is on the Inside for once.
How come Brandon Witte doesn’t type in red crayon? I thought that’s all they were allowed in the nut house.
Wow her feet are… big.
but she looks great, no matter what you say people, she looks fine…
go paris.
LESS is MORE?
(but how should we call this?)
#24.. “Confused”, you’re right you are confused. One, you dont speak well at all. Two, watching a porno of Paris doesnt quite constitute that you’ve ” seen her naked”…. nor do you know what little diseased creatures hide behind those ragged curtains.
{{ BRANDON – CAPS ARE ANNOYING !!! }}
Even more so than this stupid twat
What a fat stomach!
is she going fat?
pregnant or what? O_o
PARIS HILTON AND RICK HILTON ARE BOTH TO BE ARRESTED FOR PAYING TO HAVE FEDERAL CRIME COMMITED AGAINST ME. PARIS HILTON HAS HAD ELECTRONIC DEVICES AND SMALL ENERGY WEAPONS USED ON ME SINCE JANUARY WHEN I WENT TO THE POLICE TO REPORT THE FEDERAL CRIME THAT SHE HAD COMMITED AGAINST ME. THEN, IN MAY WHEN HER FATHER RICK HILTON GOT INVOLVED, HE GOT HER “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPHANTS IN INDIA” STORY BLOCKED BECAUSE HE KNEW THAT PARIS W. HILTON COULD NEVER EXPLAIN IN A COURT OF LAW AS TO WHY THAT SHE LEAKED THE STORY. I HAVE BEEN ACCUSING RICK HILTON AS WELL OF HAVING FEDERAL CRIME COMMITED AGAINST ME SINCE MAY ON THE INTERNET. THE ONLY WAY THAT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET HIS PEOPLE TO STOP USING ELECTRONIC DEVICES IN MY FAMILY’S HOME IS TO CALL AND THREATEN TO CUT RICK HILTON’S HEAD OFF ON HIS HILTONHYLANDS REAL ESTATE COMPANY PHONE. RICK HILTON IS FINISHED. HE IS GOING TO SUCK ON THE REVOLVER AS PARIS DID ON RICK SALOMAN IN HER CAREER PERFORMANCE “ONE NIGHT IN PARIS.”
HEY RICK HILTON, YOU FILTHEY COKE HEAD. YOU ARE LUCKY THAT I DO NOT HAVE MY HANDS ON YOU NOW. I WOULD RIP YOUR EYEBALLS AND TESTICLES OUT AND MAKE YOU EAT THEM BEFORE YOU DIE, YOU DISGUSTING LITTLE S___ OF A MAN.
RICK HILTON: YOU ARE DONE. SUCK ON THE REVOLVER AS PARIS DID ON RICK SALOMAN IN HER CAREER PERFORMANCE “ONE NIGHT IN PARIS.”
THAT FILTHY HERPES INFESTED SKANK IS FINISHED TOO. MAYBE SHE WILL CUT HER WRISTS. IF SHE DOES, MANY PEOPLE WILL CELEBERATE. SHE IS THE MOST HATED AND DESPISED FEMALE ON THE PLANET. LIKE A TRAMPED OUT STD (SHE HAS HAD HERPES FOR MANY YEARS) INFESTED WANT TO BE STARLET. THE ONLY STARLET THAT SHE WILL EVER BE IS THE ONE SUCKING ON RICK SALOMAN IN THE MOVIE THAT HE ACTUALLY WON A CANNES FILM FESTIVAL FOR. IN IT, HE DISGRACED HER TO THE UTMOST. HE EVEN CALLED HER THE “BEAST.”
THAT IS WHAT SHE IS. THE “BEAST.” SHAVE HER NAPPY HEAD AND LOOK FOR 666.
RICK HILTON: DONT YOU KOW THAT PARIS COMMUNICATED TO ME IN MY CELL PHONE BACK IN DECEMBER THAT YOU HAD RAPED HER FOR TEN YEARS AND THAT IT CAUSED HER TO HAVE TO GO ON XANAX AT AGE 14. SHE ALSO SAID THAT YOU DID THE SAME TO NICKY AND THAT KATHY (YOUR WIFE) DID NOTHING TO PROTECT EITHER GIRL DURING YOUR RAPING OF THEM. PARIS COMMUNICATED TO ME THAT YOU DID IT TO HER, AGAIN, FOR TEN YEARS, UNTIL SHE WAS 16. SHE SAID THAT WAS WHAT MESSED HER UP AND GOT HER ADDICTED TO COCAINE AND ECSTASY AT A YOUNG AGE. SHE SAID THAT THE RAPES BY YOU, RICK HILTON, CONTRIBUTED TO HER DOING THE PORN WITH RICK SALOMAN AT AGE 19.
HEY RICK HILTON: DONT YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. I WAS TOLD THAT OVER TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE ON THE WEST COAST ALREADY HAVE THIS STORY ALTHOUGHT SHE NOR YOU HAVE BEEN ARRESTED. PEOPLE HAVE WITNESSED MY ACCUSATIONS ON THE INTERNET GOING BACK TO FEBUARY. THOSE SAME PEOPLE KNEW SINCE FEBUARY THAT I WAS ALLEDGING THAT SHE LEAKED THE “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPHANTS IN INDIA” STORY IN A BIZARRE ATTEMPT TO GET MY ATTENTION. SO WHEN YOU GOT THE STORY BLOCKED IN MAY BY THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, IT WAS NO SUPRISE TO ANY OF THOSE PEOPLE. THEY ALREADY KNEW THAT SHE WAS GUILTY.
HEY RICK HILTON: WHO AND HOW MUCH DID YOU BRIBE THE PERSON AT THE ASSOCIATED PRESS TO BLOCK THE “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPAHTS IN INDIA” STORY.
HEY RICK, SUCK ON THE REVOLVER AS PARIS DID ON RICK SALOMAN YOU F_____ DEAD MAN.
HEY RICK HILTON: DONT YOU KNOW THAT THE WHOLE WORLD IS LAUGHING AFTER SEEING ME ACCUSE YOUR DAUGHTER SINCE FEBUARY ON THE INTERNET OF HAVING HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIME COMMITED AGAINST ME.
HEY RICK HILTON: DONT YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE WATCHING ALL OF THE ALTERATIONS AND CANCELING OF STORIES THAT YOU HAD DONE ON AOL AND EVEN ASKMEN.COM.
HEY RICK HILTON: DONT YOU KNOW THAT ANYONE WHO IS NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT CAN SEE THAT YOU AND YOUR SKANKY HERPES INFESTED WHORE OF A DAUGHTER HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE WHEN YOU GOT HER “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPHANTS IN INDIA” STORY BLOCKED BY THE ASSOCIATED PRESS WHEN YOU BRIBED THEM TO DO IT IN MAY. THAT IS WHEN I SUSPECT THAT YOU TOOK OVER THE ENTIRE CRIMINAL OPERATION BEING USED TO TARGET ME WITH ELECTRONIC DEVICES, SOUND PRODUCING ELECTRONIC DEVICES, AND SMALL ELECTRONIC BEAM ENERGY PRODUCING WEAPONS.
HEY RICK HILTON: YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER’S GUILT IS BLATANT. WAKE UP, YOU F_____ DEAD MAN.
HEY RICK, SUCK ON THE REVOLVER AS PARIS DID ON RICK SALOMAN IN HER CAREER PERFORMANCE “ONE NIGHT IN PARIS.”
HEY RICK: YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER F_____ WITH ME, YOU SLIMEY COKE HEADED RAT FILTH. GET IT OVER WITH AND PULL THAT THING. DONT WORRY, NOBODY WILL MISS YOU.
Me thinks ALL if these assholes,that have NOTHING BETTER to do than read
the gossip rags at the beauty salon’s,are just uninformed jealous okoles.(Asshole in Hawaiian).
GET YOUR OWN FUCKIN” LIVES !
And,Mr WHITE,who the fuck are you to chastize somebody,who get’s it written up whever she takes a dump?
Me thinks ALL if these assholes,that have NOTHING BETTER to do than read
the gossip rags at the beauty salon’s,are just uninformed jealous okoles.(Asshole in Hawaiian).
GET YOUR OWN FUCKIN” LIVES !
And,Mr WHITE,who the fuck are you to chastize somebody,who get’s it written up whever she takes a dump?
She’s looking as fine as ever. One. Hot. Babe.
Great long toes which unfortunately she doesn’t show off much!! Here’s the ultimate gallery of Paris Hiltons’s feet:
http://www.celebsfeetpics.com/paris-hilton-feet