Paris Hilton in a bikini(-ish outfit)

August 25th, 2008 // 68 Comments

Paris Hilton unveiled her latest product “The Bandit” this weekend which is, surprisingly, not a giant vibrator shaped like the Hamburglar. I’m as shocked as you are. That said, these launch photos will no doubt be the smoking gun in the mysterious case of “Holy crap, my pee is burning me.”

superficial

  1. haha

    wtf is a bandit

  2. Poor Worthless Paris Herpes

    Poor no talent worthless media whore man in drag looking flat chested Paris Herpes.

  3. ummm

    good job inventing a hair ribbon, that is pro. i’m sure none of these have ever existed before.

  4. chelsea

    umm shes hot and i love her! why are you commenting if you hate her so much? looks like you’re jealous : )

  5. hey

    this is really good for covering up your cheap whore weave

  6. jlylec

    she’s stupid sexy

  7. jt

    I’d risk herpes to mount that gazelle.

  8. Josie

    Nice ass on her friend in the blue checkered bikini bottom….

  9. paris is a joke

    Another day seeing the same old piece of trash!!!!!!!!

  10. herpehat

    Paris please change the name to herpehat. Bandit is too vague.

  11. Ted Mosby

    I’d double bag it before I hit that.

  12. rough daddy

    wonder if she still looks in the mirror during anal!!

  13. cerwin

    red checkered bottom is nicer

  14. Vince Lombardi

    Diseased cooch alert!

  15. Deacon Jones

    Throat fucking time – Max Hardcore style!

  16. ANL

    Haha…go to the bandit site! It has this really awesome time machine function that shows how Paris will age in the next 10 years…Thank you Bandit! http://www.sallyandparis.com/ChooseYourLength.html

  17. tell the truth

    fugly good for nothing whore! wish she died already, someone please take a contract out on this whore’s whack fugly ass and get rid!

  18. omg.. someone take that skirt-ish thing and pull it over her head.. or better yet.. shove the fucking thing in her mouth!

  19. it's me Fuckers!

    with as much money she has, you’d think she’d be able to get a better wig. It looks like shit.

  20. Lola

    LET’S PLAY A GAME
    LIST 10 WORDS THAT COME TO YOUR MIND RIGHT AWAY WHEN YOU HEAR THE NAME “PARIS HILTON”……
    OK GO….

  21. That's right

    1. Hot
    2. Doable
    3. Fuckable
    4. Tight as drum
    5. Long and lean
    6. Sexy
    7. Doggy-style
    8. Trustie
    9. deep throat
    10. Herpalicious!

  22. Paris' List of approved names

    I’M TRYING TO POST MY LIST BUT THIS MOTHER-FUCKER WON’T LET ME…. KEEPS TELLING ME SOME ERROR SHIT… GUESS EVEN FISH DON’T WANT TO READ THE TRUTH

  23. Randal

    Here’s Paris, looking as good as she always does, with her golden hair cascading like a gentle brook down her silky soft skin, casting accents that stand out on her cloth and stitch.

    Soft, butter-me lips purr forward to match that of her loving stare which becomes shaded beneath the paper umbrella she’s twirling in her hand.

    Randal

  24. Confused

    Man I’m glad y’all are hating on Ms. Hilton. That way there will be less competition for me. I’ve already seen her naked and I know what it expect, no need to worry about finding a gnarly pair of beef curtains

  25. mark

    http://thesuperficial.com/2008/08/paris_hilton_in_a_bikiniish_ou.php?bfm_index=8&bfm_page=0

    She (her face, clearly not her tits) looks kind of Heidi Montag-y in this one, ewww…

  26. Angry Beaver

    Doesn’t wearing white clash with herpes?

  27. Ferdinand Narcos

    Not only does this bitch have the fug,she just might be The Fug itself.

  28. EnoughIsEnough

    For the dorks out there who don’t read: Disrespect is not hatred. Get a life, and stop labeling people have have little respect for this phony as haters.

  29. The White Urkle

    Damn! I was waiting to see what Randal had to say. Thanks for not letting me down. Pure genious.

    #28, To the simpletons on this site, you are either a hater or a racist. There is no other way. Comment on how you would like to fill Paris’ anus with your manhood…”Hater!” And all you have to do is point out how low the percentile of mexicans or African-Americans finish high school and you are a racist.

  30. Badda Bing

    I’m so glad she doesn’t have big fake tits… that look is getting so tired.

  31. Tom Frost

    i don’t care what anyone says. she’s a babe.

  32. girlieface

    I hate to say it, but damn….I love those shoes she’s wearing. Do they come in women’s sizes?

  33. Stiles

    She needs a wrap that big to cover her newest herp outbreak. It mistook her belly button for another vaj & migrated up.

  34. walooo

    first

  35. blowup doll lover

    My blowup doll doesn’t have herpes and has hands and feet sized like a child’s.

  36. Bigo

    Why everything she wears has her name on it? Like if nobody knew it already.

  37. pat

    “LET’S PLAY A GAME
    LIST 10 WORDS THAT COME TO YOUR MIND RIGHT AWAY WHEN YOU HEAR THE NAME “PARIS HILTON”……
    OK GO….”

    Whenever I see Paris Hilton, I think of Barack Obama.
    Thanks, McCain.

  38. HoodFellaz

    pat: Masturbation, cause i’ve masturbate to her porn, yes i did.

  39. Brandon Witte

    Paris W. Hilton and Rick Hilton are both going to face at least thirty years in a federal prison for paying for heinous federal crime to be commited against Brandon Witte, a thirty-two year old man from Arlington, Texas. Rick Hilton has been involved in hiring illegal teams to conduct surveillance and use electronic sound producing devices and even electronic beam producing weapons on Brandon Witte since May when Rick Hilton went to the Associated Press to bribe them to get Paris’s “saving the drunk elephants in India” story blocked, as Brandon Witte had been alledging on the internet since Febuary that the severly disturbed Paris W. Hilton had leaked the statement in a bizarre attempt to get his attention. Paris W. Hilton has not been able to have a sexual relationship with a man since the world discovered that she had herpes several years ago and especially when the world learned that Paris W. Hilton had threatened Brian Quintana’s life over the matter of her having herpes.

  40. drew

    Dont like paris~~I dont know why she is so hot at richromances.com. Just cuz she is beautiful and rich?

  41. BRANDON WITTE

    PARIS W. HILTON AND RICK HILTON ARE BOTH PSYCHOPATHIC CRIMINALS WHO HAVE PAID ILLEGAL TEAMS OF CRIMINALS TO USE SURVEILLANCE AND ELECTRONIC DEVICES AND ELECTRONIC BEAM PRODUCING DEVICES ON ME, BRANDON WITTE. JUST GOOGLE MY NAME WITH THAT OF PARIS HILTON AND YOU WILL SEE ALLEGATIONS OF FEDERAL CRIME MADE BY ME AGAINST HER SINCE FEBUARY AND AGAINST HER FATHER RICK HILTON SINCE MAY WHEN HE WENT TO THE ASSOCIATED PRESS TO BRIBE THEM TO GET PARIS’S “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPHANTS IN INDIA” STORY BLOCKED. AGAIN, I HAD BEEN ALLEDGING SINCE FEBUARY ON THE INTERNET THAT PARIS HILTON LEAKED THE BIZARRE STATEMENTS IN A PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO TRY AND GET MY ATTENTION. THEN, WHEN I WENT TO THE ARLINGTON POLICE IN JANUARY WITH THE STORY (THAT SHE HAD SET UP SURVEILLANCE AND HAD PAID CRIMINALS TO INSTALL ELECTRONIC SOUND PRODUCING DEVICES AND EVEN SMALL ELECTRONIC BEAM PRODUCING DEVICES IN MY FAMILY’S HOME) WAS WHEN PARIS W. HILTON BEGAN TO HAVE THE DEVICES USED ON ME DAILY. JUST GOOGLE MY NAME WITH THAT OF HERS, PARIS HILTON, AND YOU WILL SEE ALLEGATIONS MADE BY ME AGAINST HER ON THE INTERNET GOING BACK TO FEBUARY.

  42. BRANDON WITTE

    PARIS W. HILTON AND RICK HILTON ARE BOTH PSYCHOPATHIC CRIMINALS WHO HAVE PAID ILLEGAL TEAMS OF CRIMINALS TO USE SURVEILLANCE AND ELECTRONIC DEVICES AND ELECTRONIC BEAM PRODUCING DEVICES ON ME, BRANDON WITTE. JUST GOOGLE MY NAME WITH THAT OF PARIS HILTON AND YOU WILL SEE ALLEGATIONS OF FEDERAL CRIME MADE BY ME AGAINST HER SINCE FEBUARY AND AGAINST HER FATHER RICK HILTON SINCE MAY WHEN HE WENT TO THE ASSOCIATED PRESS TO BRIBE THEM TO GET PARIS’S “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPHANTS IN INDIA” STORY BLOCKED. AGAIN, I HAD BEEN ALLEDGING SINCE FEBUARY ON THE INTERNET THAT PARIS HILTON LEAKED THE BIZARRE STATEMENTS IN A PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO TRY AND GET MY ATTENTION. THEN, WHEN I WENT TO THE ARLINGTON POLICE IN JANUARY WITH THE STORY (THAT SHE HAD SET UP SURVEILLANCE AND HAD PAID CRIMINALS TO INSTALL ELECTRONIC SOUND PRODUCING DEVICES AND EVEN SMALL ELECTRONIC BEAM PRODUCING DEVICES IN MY FAMILY’S HOME) WAS WHEN PARIS W. HILTON BEGAN TO HAVE THE DEVICES USED ON ME DAILY. JUST GOOGLE MY NAME WITH THAT OF HERS, PARIS HILTON, AND YOU WILL SEE ALLEGATIONS MADE BY ME AGAINST HER ON THE INTERNET GOING BACK TO FEBUARY.

  43. BRANDON WITTE

    PARIS W. HILTON AND RICK HILTON ARE BOTH PSYCHOPATHIC CRIMINALS WHO HAVE PAID ILLEGAL TEAMS OF CRIMINALS TO USE SURVEILLANCE AND ELECTRONIC DEVICES AND ELECTRONIC BEAM PRODUCING DEVICES ON ME, BRANDON WITTE. JUST GOOGLE MY NAME WITH THAT OF PARIS HILTON AND YOU WILL SEE ALLEGATIONS OF FEDERAL CRIME MADE BY ME AGAINST HER SINCE FEBUARY AND AGAINST HER FATHER RICK HILTON SINCE MAY WHEN HE WENT TO THE ASSOCIATED PRESS TO BRIBE THEM TO GET PARIS’S “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPHANTS IN INDIA” STORY BLOCKED. AGAIN, I HAD BEEN ALLEDGING SINCE FEBUARY ON THE INTERNET THAT PARIS HILTON LEAKED THE BIZARRE STATEMENTS IN A PATHETIC ATTEMPT TO TRY AND GET MY ATTENTION. THEN, WHEN I WENT TO THE ARLINGTON POLICE IN JANUARY WITH THE STORY (THAT SHE HAD SET UP SURVEILLANCE AND HAD PAID CRIMINALS TO INSTALL ELECTRONIC SOUND PRODUCING DEVICES AND EVEN SMALL ELECTRONIC BEAM PRODUCING DEVICES IN MY FAMILY’S HOME) WAS WHEN PARIS W. HILTON BEGAN TO HAVE THE DEVICES USED ON ME DAILY. JUST GOOGLE MY NAME WITH THAT OF HERS, PARIS HILTON, AND YOU WILL SEE ALLEGATIONS MADE BY ME AGAINST HER ON THE INTERNET GOING BACK TO FEBUARY.

  44. Brandon Witte

    Hey Rick Hilton, you slimey little coke headed piece of s___ cowardly creature. You are lucky that I dont have my hands around your throat now. Rick Hilton, this is Brandon Witte telling you that I will bite your throat out and spit it back in your eyes. Then, I will tear out your eyeballs and your testicles, you cowardly little coke head that probably did rape both Nicky and Paris as Paris had communicated to me in December. Rick, you are fiinished.

    Hey Rick Hilton, dont you know that your father and mother both agreed that they wish that they had aborted you? Hey Rick, that is why your father almost completely cut your little snake den of a family off on Christmas Day last year, because your father is ashamed of you Rick and you make him want to vomit.

    Hey Rick, get ready for your father Conrad to shoot you dead himself when he learns of the heinous federal crime that you have paid people to commit against me since May when you went to the Associated Press with a bribe to get Paris’s “saving the drunk elephants in India” story and when you bribed the people at Askmen.com to get the comments blocked from being put during over a two week period in June.

    Hey Rick Hilton, I hope that you like it when I call your office everyday and leave you emails saying that you are going to prison for paying to have heinous federal crime commited against me.

    Hey Rick Hilton, why dont you do everyone a favor and put the revolver in your mouth and suck on it as your trashy whore of a daughter Paris did on Rick Saloman in her career performance “One NIght in Paris.”

    Hey Rick, when I get my hands on you, well, you get the point. I dont care whether it is after your thirty year prison sentence. You are mine, boy.

    Sincerely, Brandon M. Witte age 32, Arlington, Texas

  45. Lemmy Caution

    Let me thank you once again for keeping me up to date on the coming and goings of the Whore of Babylon (SM).

  46. Brandon Witte

    HEY RICK HILTON, YEAH YOU, RICKY BOY, YOU FIENDISH LITTLE COKE HEADED COWARDLY S___ OF A MAN. DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH PAYING PEOPLE TO USE ELECTRONIC DEVICES AND ELECTRONIC WEAPONS ON ME. YOU ARE LUCKY THAT I DO NOT HAVE YOU BY YOUR THROAT RIGHT NOW.

    HEY RICK, WHEN YOUR FATHER CONRAD LEARNS OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING SINCE MAY WHEN YOU BRIBED THE ASSOCIATED PRESS TO BLOCK PARIS’S “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPHANTS IN INDIA” STORY TO ME, HE IS GOING TO BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF HIMSELF.

    HE IS FROM TEXAS AND CAN NOT STAND CRIMINALS NEITHER.

    RICK HILTON, YOU ARE THE TYPE OF MAN THAT I WOULD LIKE ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES WITH IN A DARK ALLEY.

    RICKY BOY, YOU ARE MINE.

    YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER DONE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

    GOD HAS SEEN EVERYTHING THAT YOU HAVE DONE. NOW AT LEAST ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE ON THE WEST COAST KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. YOU CAN NOT KEEP RUNNING AROUND AND GETTING WEB SITES ALTERED AND HAVING COMMENTS REMOVED. DONT YOU KNOW THAT MAKES YOU LOOK MORE GUILTY, YOU BLOODY IDIOT.

    RICK HILTON, I WILL BITE YOUR THROAT OUT AND SPIT IT IN YOUR EYES.

    WHY DONT YOU GET THE REVOLVER, PUT IT IN YOUR FIENDISH LITTLE MOUTH, AND SUCK ON IT AS YOUR TRASHY WHORE OF A DAUGHTER PARIS DID ON RICK SALOMAN IN HER CAREER PERFORMANCE “ONE NIGHT IN PARIS.”

    SINCERELY, BRANDON M. WITTE (AGE 32, ARLINGTON, TEXAS)

    HEY RICK, DONT YOU KNOW THAT THE WORLD IS SITTING AROUND LAUGHING, SAYING THAT IF YOU OR PARIS WERE INNOCENT THAT YOU WOULD HAVE ME ARRESTED AND SUED.

    HEY RICK HILTON,YOU ARE DONE. SUCK ON THE REVOLVER.

  47. BRANDON WITTE

    GO TO THE AOL STORY “56 COUNTY WORKERS ARRESTED IN DRUG SCAM” AND AOL STORY “NASCAR DRIVER MAKES BOLD STATEMENT” FOR ALL OF THE ALLEGATIONS AGAINST RICK HILTON AND PARIS W. HILTON.

    THEN GO TO “MAMA HILTON DISLIKES THE MAN SHE FUNDED” AOL STORY AND SEE HOW ALL OF THE COMMENTS HAVE BEEN ERASED.

    THEN GO TO PARIS W. HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND NICKY HILTON ASKMEN.COM AND YOU WILL SEE THAT DURING OVER A TWO WEEK PERIOD IN JUNE, THE ABILITY TO LEAVE A COMMENT WAS BLOCKED ON ALL ASKMEN.COM SITES.

    RICK HILTON GOT THIS DONE THROUGH A BRIBE, AS HE DID WITH THE ASSOCIATED PRESS WHEN HE BRIBED THEM TO GET PARIS’S “SAVING THE DRUNK ELEPHANTS IN INDIA” STORY. OBVIOUSLY, RICK KNEW THAT PARIS COULD NEVER EXPLAIN SUCH A STORY IN A COURT OF LAW.

    AND GOOGLE MY NAME, BRANDON WITTE WITH THAT OF PARIS HILTON AND YOU WILL SEE ALLEGATIONS OF FEDERAL CRIME COMMITED BY PARIS W. HILTON AGAINST ME GOING BACK TO FEBUARY.

    PARIS W. HILTON AND RICK HILTON WILL NEVER ESCAPE THE JUSTICE COMING THEIR WAY FOR THE ATROCIOUS FEDERAL CRIMES THAT THEY PAID PEOPLE TO COMMIT AGAINST ME, BRANDON M. WITTE, AGE 32 OF ARLINGTON, TEXAS. THE HILTONS HAVE EVEN HAD MY POLICE FILES ERASED (AS I WAS THERE IN JANUARY AND THEN IN MARCH WHEN MY FAMILY EXPERIENCED A BREAK IN AT OUR HOUSE THIRTY MINUTES AFTER MY FATHER ARRANGED ON THE TELEPHONE FOR AN EX-MILITARY ELECTRONIC DEVICE HUNTER TO COME OUT TO OUR HOUSE.

  48. BRANDON WITTE

    HEY RICK HILTON, YOU SLIMEY LITTLE COWARDLY COKE HEAD. YOU ARE GOING TO PRISON FOR AT LEAST THIRTY YEARS FOR PAYING PEOPLE TO COMMIT HEINOUS FEDERAL CRIME AGAINST ME. YOU ARE LUCKY THAT I DO NOT HAVE YOU BY YOUR SLIMEY LITTLE THROAT RIGHT NOW. RICK HILTON, WHEN I GET AHOLD OF YOU, I WILL BITE YOUR THROAT OUT AND SPIT IT IN YOUR EYES.

  49. Anonymous

    Paris Hilton is going to get at least twenty years for having federal crime commited against Britney Spears and Brandon Witte. Witte is a thirty two year old from Arlington, Texas. This story is about to explode. This is the latest MySpace scandal.

  50. Tom Matthews

    Paris Hilton: Brandon Witte has been accusing you of commiting federal crime against him since Febuary on the internet. Who is Brandon Witte? What did he do to you? What did you do to him? Why does he say that you are going to get at least twenty years in prison for what you and your father have done to him?

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