Paris Hilton hasn’t done that many guys

January 8th, 2009 // 80 Comments

Because no sane person ever will, Paris Hilton is defending her own honor in the pages of Glamour where she claims to have slept with only a few guys and isn’t a walking stick of promiscuity:

“I’ve only ever done it with a couple of people. People make up stories, but mostly I just kiss. I think it’s important to play hard to get. Nobody wants the fake Prada bag – they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive. If you give it up to a guy he won’t respect you. He’ll want you much more if he can’t have you.”

Okay, here’s the part of the post where I equate Paris Hilton’s vagina with one of those hazardous waste trashcans you see at the doctor’s office, but instead, I’m going to open myself up a bit and share a little experience I just had. This is a 100% true story. Alright, deep breath, here goes: Last night, I had a dream about Paris Hilton.

In this dream I’m carrying Paris through at least five feet snow up to this cliff. As we’re talking it turns out we were married at one point then quickly divorced, but now we’re off to a condo on the beach to “rekindle our love,” if you will. So, I’m carrying Paris and wading through all this snow to get to the top of the cliff which overlooks the ocean. There we’ll jump off then swim to our destination. Except the snow starts getting really high and I lose my footing, trip and start getting buried in the snow. That’s when I wake up.

I don’t know if any of you guys are dream experts, but I have a tumor, don’t I? Awesome.

superficial

  1. oh, paris. did you really just compare your vag to a prada handbag?

  2. STINK

    HOORAY FOR B-…ohdeargod

    *vomits*

  3. ishi-san

    as a self-designated hobby psychologist I would say the following:

    Marriage is a symbol of closeness or imprisonment, that you always wanted to escape, but which, in the end deep deep down you desire – given the ‘rekindle-thing’. the contrast of snow and sunny weather on the beach might indicate that you’re life is either about to change drastically, you wish it to change, or that you merely lead a double life. The cliffs might symbolize a harsh reality or brutal death *lol* that stands before. (I would say) But the idea connected to the cliffs is that the climate changes after you jump from the cliffs into a warm one. After jumping you swim off to a beach…..so you are optimistic.
    The high snow that prevents you from jumping in the end might just be because of the Paris next to you….you want commitment but not with her! :-)

    Conclusion…..
    1. you will die a sudden and brutal deat OR
    2. you have commitment issues and read to much gossip

    ;)

  4. ishi-san

    “I’m not a slut” …followed up by the lies:

    “No I don’t do drugs!” and more specific:

    “No I don’t life from 2gr of Coke and an Apple a day!”

  5. Reebloke

    Ladies, she’s woken up to the fact that no man want shop soiled goods.

    No man wants to marry a virgin who was a slut with everyone else.

    Give your good years to your husband and children, not to chlamydia.

  6. Janis

    Mcfeely Smackup at 1:18 PM is on the money.

    And people dont want the unobtainable and most expensive. Sometimes, they just want something decent that wont let you down.

  7. BM

    a couple? yeah a couple.. hundred.

  8. missywissy

    This girl carries off fake blue eyes and fake blond hair really well. I applaud her. No really, I can’t imagine her with her natural brunette hair and brown eyes.

    BTW One of the great things about being married, is if you all are faithful to each other, you can have all the unprotected crazy uncareful sex you want with each other.

    What guy wants to stick their dick in a prada bag??????

  9. paris is pathetic

    Gee can we say herpes! Paris really just needs to give it up and go away,she is one used up brain-dead tart!!

  10. Fati

    when things are too funny i don’t feel like laughing. fuck you, paris, women as morbidly stupid as you shouldn’t be allowed to live.

  11. Guest

    She’s totally right, people!
    Good job Paris!!

    Oh and #57. . . That was really really, *really* lame.

  12. Guest

    She’s totally right, people!
    Good job Paris!!

    Oh and #57. . . That was really really, *really* lame.

  13. Guest

    a couple? yeah a couple.. thousand.

  14. Marianne

    How can it be only a couple if I can name many just of the top of my head.
    Rick Salomon, as we all know. Plus she was not a virgin at that point as she has stated herself, so that;s at least one more there.
    She has been engaged to Jason Shaw and Paris Latsis
    Benji Madden
    Nick Carter
    Stavros Niarchos
    Not to mention the number of guys she has just been linked to like Travis Barker, Jared Leto, that hot pizza boy, Colin Ferrel.

    Last I checked, a couple meant 2.

  15. Remember the BIOLOGY-CLASSES?
    …………one person can be enough, YOU DUMB ASS!!

  16. Conky

    Paris wants to be a respected actress and that’s never gonna happen.
    She wants to have her virginity back and that’s never gonna happen.
    She probably wishes she didn’t have herpes and gigantic feet either.

    What is beautiful is that Paris doesn’t get everything she wants.

  17. unique

    #16 you are such a fucking racist bastard. I bet you have some issues or a little man complex or maybe you are ugly as fuck and could not get any decent looking white women to hook up with.

  18. Massa'

    I’d lick Paris’s herpes ridden cunt when she has flair-ups…

  19. slut

    dude, who cares? everyone loves a slut. being a slut is fun.

  20. TJ

    The only joy I can see getting from her is when you pop the properly lubed head of your dick into her asshole and begin pumping vigorously, despite her protesting and moaning.

  21. Yellow Brick

    #69 – everyone loves a slut. being a slut is fun?

    True, but not for marrying.

    Paris wants her dream wedding – but her dream man is not dreaming of a slut with a porno.

    Lots of things are fun but it doesnt make it sensible. Fun is short term. People obsession with the short term will suffer in the long term. Darwin had a theory about it.

  22. m.c. in l.v.

    Maybe she means she hasn’t done that many guys….at once….on tape….while high….after paying them.

  23. MBA Nixon

    I love the second pic where she’s tilted back, “just truckin’.”

  24. Wasnt born YESTERDAY

    Having HERPES (and other STDs) = Sleeping AROUND.

    PERIOD!

    Give us an F’n break.

    Maybe if..she weren’t such a SLUT.

    She wouldn’t have to take VALTREX for the rest of her life.

  25. margaret

    i believe her. she’s a tease so she’ll get attention, but she’s no ho.

  26. So many dudes talk shit, but we would all sleep with her.

  27. Why would some people think they know better than Paris who she did or did not sleep with.
    We know of only one instance and the rest is stupid tabloid rumors.

    So maybe she isn’t lying. But either way, it’s her own business and not ours.

  28. Gary Wilkes

    Wow…..The post on here……lol……..You people cant possible have that kind of hate for this girl………..You dont even know her but the dumb tabloids you read………You’ve either never been single and had sex…….lol……Or you’re just extremely jealous of this girl………….She’s young, rich and free………Thats the luck of the draw………And if she wants to get it on with a different guy every night, thats her business……….Mabye she has a high sex drive……lol……You all were young once……….Remember……lol……….And anyone on here who says they never hit the disco’s or bars and hoping to get laid, or has never seen an x-rated movie, is a total hypocrite. Sex is the biggest force in the universe……I guess most of you on here are sexless…..with no force…..lol. Most of you could only dream about being in the spot she is……..and be able to get anything you want. Just a fact………….Hopefully, she’s having the time of her life, cause one day….she’ll be old……lol………Everybody’s different…and she’s really no different than most of us really……..Except she is extremely well off……..So, quit hating her because she has money and can have a good time anywhere in the world at her fingertips………

  29. Marriage is a symbol of closeness or imprisonment, that you always wanted to avoid, but which is, ‘rekindle’ deep desire was to you – deep down in the end. Snow and sunny weather on the beach opposite may indicate that you are about life either is enough to change, you may want to replace it, or that you only live a double life. A harsh reality of death or cruel rocks * lol * symbols that could stand before. (I would say) but the idea that climate change associated with rocks after you jump from rocks into a hot one. You jump off to a beach to swim ….. After you are optimistic.
    High snow that prevents you from jumping in the end you just might be because of Paris near you …. You want commitment, but not with him! :-)

  30. Nicola

    I dont know what to believe I like to think the best in people. People make assumptions about people and think what they like about that person. Katy perry acts like a slut and people think she isnt one because her family are a minster and she seems nice. Where paris hilton is flawed is shes seen leaving parties with guys alot of party girls people assume theyre sluts, they think with all the drinking and flirtation thats going on that something might be happening. Like when would a girl thats a virgin run around wearing short skirts posing with them in a suggestive matter and then say when they get to their house or hers oh im actually a virgin and I dont want to have sex. But then again she might be the exception and people like to have someone that can make them feel better about themselves. Ive had sex with 2 guys, but when id had sex with 1 guy I remember I liked going out wearing a nice dress and getting attention from guys, I remember I said to this one guy to meet me at my house but I just liked to get the guy worked up, I wouldnt have a one night stand. Maybe she just liked acting sexy to get attention she does act chidlish with her baby voice, maybe its all a big game for her and none of her ex bfs have stuck up for her because they think she was lying because everyone calls her a slut. Rumours spread like wild fire and once someone has doubt about someone theyre not going to stick up for them. Not everything you hear is true. How stupid would she be to say shes had sex with 2 guys if theres like 100 guys shes had sex with who would dispute that. But then again some might just say theyve had sex with her because they dont like her as a person and want to get back at her. She said she has always looked up to princess diana since she was a kid princess diana was a virgin when she married the prince. Also someone that has everything like paris hilton she probably values herself alot from the way she acts she acts really stuck up, why would she have that stuck up mentality and high maintenance if she was slutty, most slutty girls dont tend to have respect for themselves. Why would someone whos as high maintenance and basically sees themselves as better than other people why would she let a guy have sex with her easily, or she could just be saying that because people are calling her a slut because of the video and shes trying to save her reputation anyway she can, but if she was that concerned about being called a slut would she really have sex with lots of guys, obviously a girl that does that would think eventually the words going to get around that youre a slut I think shes just childish and she dresses sexy to get attention

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