Paris Hilton has no friends, throws weird parties

Is she trying to make love to that cake?

Ugh, clicked “post” by accident—is she trying to make love to that cake? And boy, that’s a way to be sure you’re the center of attention for your birthday party: be the only one there. Why didn’t I think of that? Oh wait, I was too busy not doing cocaine and suckin’ dicks like a semen-powered Hoover.

this is just too bizarre. a pack of fucking MIDGETS leading around goats??!?!?!?! truth is stranger than fiction indeed.

Paris the Dancing Clown Slut

Now available for childrens partys.

Pony costs extra.

Reportedly she DID manage to blow all the candles. Unfortunately all the goats were named ‘candles’.

Go back and take a good look at those Man Hands. She’s giving Pink a run for her money with those giant meat-paddles.

I like how the guy in the next to last picture is all ‘her vagina is THIS deep!’

Um, is that a star and hand prints on her cake? Interesting. Midgets and goats, I expected that.

Apparently the goats and midgets were in one of those ‘Paris Exposed’ vids, but PETA started asking questions.

I was there.

I had a blast.

#10 I wouldn’t admit that. That’s actually sad.

geez, paris hilton sucks.

That poor cake.

At least it has candles to defend itself with.

Now I feel sorry for Iran.

Fuckin’ people in the audience…idiots….they oughta be gassed.

I bet Matt Leinart didn’t even show up.

Pack of goats? If you didn’t think she was Satan’s spawn before.. well here’s your proof.

What??? You don’t know who he is??? Ever heard of USC, only just the greatestest ever college football program ever (yes, including Orenthal James)? PUSSIES!

hey, I already “reported” on the midget/goat/monkey thing in the previous Paris article. Seriously, I’m now reporting on things before The Superficial?! That seems kinda sad given my lack of resources for celebrity gossip.

This just in… Paris Hilton hospitalized for 3rd degree wax burns to her lips. Sources say she got confused when they told her to “blow out the candles”.

– Jim

#16 weren’t you a little premature in blasting people about not knowing who Leinart is before anyone even said they didn’t know who he is? Kind of like your premature claim that USC is the greatest college football program ever! But that’s a debate for a different website!

“More of Paris Hilton thinking she’s the shit at her birthday party after the jump.”

Is is the shit… the one you can’t flush down the toilet no matter how hard you plunge.

I wonder how much it cost to make all the homeless people looked groomed and pretend to be fans?

#5 and #7, i’ve been reading the superficial for months but had no desire to comment… until now. i had to sign up just to tell you how funny your comments were.

* PS… I can spell at the level of a 3 year old apparently…

it’s getting lamer every year, huh, Paris?

Meanwhile, somewhere in Hollywood, Thora Birch and her big fat NATURAL boobies are being ignored.

YOU AND ME, BABY! Nobody loves ya more than Sid!

I know you like to go shopping wearing crappy clothes, too. Maybe you even get drunk sometimes.

Nobody else cares, but I sure do! Woo! Yeah!

let’s add this up: her natural hair is dark, her natural eyes are dark, she has HUGE HANDS AND FEET, she has a wonk eye and has had a nose job with cheek implants. Looking at her like that, she’s a dead ringer for Jon Lovitz.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
party’s over, literally….finally

By this time next year Bird Flu will take a backseat to a hybrid Human/Monkey herpes pandemic.

Well she doesn’t look that upset about it

Don

I don’t really mind her messing around with fauna, it’s expected of her. But for her to sully the fine institution of midgetry erotica is just something I will not stand for.

You’ve finally gone too far madam.

3rd photo down- ‘if you have herpes and you know it clap your hands!’

In the final analysis, the majority of people don’t give a damn about this swizzle stick-looking shitbag. I guess some folks are starting to wise up, so that tells me there’s hope for the human race.

Yup it took a while but she’s reached running joke status.

Her long run as a, “celeb” is/was 95% the fault of that monument to pure shit that is the fucking E Network.

#30 LMAO – call PETA. Poor Midgets.

It took a while but she’s almost reached running joke status.

Her long run as a, “celeb” is/was 95% the fault of that monument to pure shit that is the fucking E Network

This is actually kinda sad. How delusional does one have to be to throw a party for oneself, with a cake decorated like the Hollywood Walk of Fame, since your own name, star, or handprints aren’t actually on it (and never will be!), and rent-a-friends? Look at the 2 girls on either side of camera girl in the 2nd pic–they’re thinking “Fuckin’ A, she’s a delusional bitch. I wonder if we’ll get free cocaine if we hang around long enough?”

on the left side of the cake… did they finally find a useful purpose for cisco adler’s balls?

ASSIE!!! where the fuck have you been, girl?

That’s one of Kim Kardashian’s specialty Cleveland Steamer cakes.

I wonder just exactly what the faces of the salespeople look like when they repeat back to her “Uuhhh… size 11? You’ll have to shop on THAT side…” at which point they motion toward the tranny sizes being tried on by PuPaul and Dennis Rodman. It takes one stupid selfish friendless beeotch to throw her own party without any friends.

Those ‘handprints’ on the cake are trying to emulate those from the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Small problem: they only give those out to talented artists who have worked hard throughout their career, who have real respect from the rest of the world and have made a real contribution to the world of entertainment. Last time I checked they didn’t have any spots free for filthy, gangly, disease ridden, coke-addled self promoting whorebags, whose reason for being here becomes harder to figure out every day. Nice try, slut.

THIS JUST IN:
Britney Spears has entered rehab AGAIN!!
http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/entertainment/music/16735607.htm

Breaking news NOT brought to you by the Fish, but by a dedicated blogger.

So Britney’s finally actually in rehab… maybe she shaved her hair so they would have an easier time attaching the electrobes to her brain to get some electrical activity, being that it hasn’t been used in so long.

grape… I understand the midgets and goats, and even the monkey… but the cake is hilarious. She’s waaaaaaay off.

What’s more fuckedup? This diseased yak with paid hangers on, midgets, and goats, thinging that she is the star the universe revolved around … or Anna Nicole in scary clown makeup?

Paris is scarier. At least Anna was in some way amusing.

WAAAAIT a second, is she packing a strap on???? wtf is that is pic 3 & 4
SHE’S A TRANNY!!!!

When I read “guests reported seeing Hilton play with a monkey while a band of midgets led a pack of goats around the room”, I thought, “Someone knows my secret shame”. I can never show my face to Paris Hilton again. At least, not until that restraining order expires. Whoops, gotta go, Sirens!

I WAS RIGHT!! (#23) in other news it was reported that the “goat said it was the lamest party ever”.

piss off lisa