Paris Hilton’s new lips must cloud her vision

Paris Hilton got into the wrong SUV while leaving Crimson nightclub over the weekend. She had to climb over some poor bastard to get out. While this sorry son of a bitch had to go home and burn his clothes, and presumably his car, in the backyard, I’m left wondering; what the hell happened to Paris Hilton’s lips? Did she pay for those? If she wanted full and, uh, beautiful (?) lips, I would’ve done it for free. While some doctors with their fancy degrees might use collagen, I would’ve used a simple procedure on Paris called “anvil to the face.” Unfortunately, my work continues to be rejected by medical journals because, according to the letters, it would “make the field of medicine too goddamn awesome.” True story.

Photos: Pacific Coast News
Tags: Paris Hilton