Paris Hilton goes swimming

May 18th, 2009 // 103 Comments

Here’s Paris Hilton swimming in Cannes this morning, and is anyone else starting to think VD is the weight-loss secret your doctor won’t tell you about? Not that I’m encouraging a naked butt crawl across a truck-stop restroom or anything. But then again, it is swimsuit season. Just sayin’.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Heroiny

    Turquoise herpes…..

  2. dbs

    Wow, two post about Paris in one day!

  3. jonathan

    Nice, ya eat something

  4. Jimbo

    She looks funny putting pants on – usually, she’s taking them off :)

  5. Looks like prosthetic feet.

  6. Fifth

    i can smell the herpes

  7. Cartman

    Way too much herpes coverage on this website.

  8. dirk

    Smelly. Very very smelly.

  9. PunkA

    Nice 70′s looking suit and headband. is she about to do a jazzercise video? Let’s get physical, physical…..


    Wow … matching headband … glasses … and swimsuit ….

    color coordinating …. done to the extreme!

    Come and join my brute:


    Wow … matching headband … glasses … and swimsuit ….

    color coordinating …. done to the extreme!

    Come and join my brute:


    Wow … matching headband … glasses … and swimsuit ….

    color coordinating …. done to the extreme!

    Come and join my brute:

  13. Turd Ferguson

    Fucking CUNT!

    Why does she exist?

  14. Rachell

    Ugh her feet are scary, they look like fingers…

  15. Chief Big Wheel

    Me say-um UGH to headband. Squaw should stay in wigwam. Make maize bracelets.

  16. Lisa

    What is up with her and the stupid ass head bands?? She looks like such an idiot with them on.

  17. Lucy

    she looks like a joke with that matching headband, bracelets on her wrists and those stupid sunglasses. In her case, more is gaudy!!

  18. Edna Bambrick

    #13 has been reported.

  19. paris suck... and swallows

    Paris goes swimming? Nope… paris goes “posing”. With her stupid matching headband, wrist bands, suit & sunglasses, she specifically posed for the dumbass paps.

    She’s representative of everything that’s wrong with America; our obsession with celebrity. WHO THE FUCK CARES. Personally, I hope paris hilton disappears; the sight of her herpes infected cokehead weight loss makes me ill…

  20. Zee Brat

    She looks pretty good here. She actually looks like a model for once instead of a whore.

  21. Verez

    I’d do her skinny ass and so would you. Admit it.

  22. buzztoe

    Question is; when she does the splits, does she stick to the floor?

  23. Turd Ferguson

    #18 Edna Bambrick is a ……


  24. p0nk

    #21, is living in your mom’s basement so lonely that you welcome herpes?

  25. Vince Lombardi

    People who swim generally take off their bracelets, headbands and sunglasses, and even have been known to get their hair wet.

    Change the headline to read: “Paris Hilton Goes Posing (Again).”

    The Superficial has learned Paris Hilton’s figure secrets. Here she is in Cannes this morning taking in her intense cardio workout by doing her imitation of a surfboard in the resort’s pool. Apparently, Paris is made of Sham-Wow anti-matter, since she seems to repel water and never seems to have any perspiration.

    Sadly, The final few photos show Paris’ workout cut short when she heard a nearby phone ring, got out of the pool, and started picking up shiny things.


    i read all you guys talk shit bout these girls he shows- every single one of you would fuck them in a second if you got a chance instead of jerking of 5 times a day in your moms basement and if you could do any of them your little dick would last 3 seconds as you blow your load then you would say sorry like a little bitch

  27. The Bird

    She looks like a parakeet.

    Pic #2: Are those her talons gripping the edge of the pool?

  28. Fap


  29. PunkA

    I’d rather FAP it to Tara Reid than to Paris. Better yet, I’d rather FAP it to Cynthia Nixon. No wait, I’d rather FAP it to Cynthia Nixon’s boyfriend–er, girlfriend–than to Paris. Paris is just that nasty and unappealing. She grosses me the hell out.

  30. Kelley

    This vapid waste of space, who loses her, like, cellphone, like, once every two weeks is more useless than Jessica Simpson, Pete Doherty, Katie Price and Britney Spears combined. Amy Winehouse’s tattoos are more entertaining than this retarded individual.

  31. GaGa

    I wish she would lose those freaking headbands, they are so stupid and she wears them 24/7. I must say her body looks great, though!

  32. Darth

    Holy crap! While i’m busting my ass here on this site,she’s getting a tan all over her body!

  33. The hair, the head band, the face, the shades, the suit, the un-tits, the over tanned forearms, I can’t go on!

    Uck! I just threw up. Not just a little. a-fucking LOT! Ugh!

    For something far less disgusting and enjoyable go here:

  34. havoc

    Any photos of her drowning?

    Get back to me……


  35. Gando

    I know the virgin of Lourdes is somewhere in France.But i don’t believe it’s Paris Hilton.Nice try!

  36. Harry

    I miss the days of Cannes when it was Bridget Bardot, Sophia Loren, or Monica Bellucci gracing the beaches. Real international beauties. Not wannabes famous for sex tapes and Carl’s Jr. commercials.

  37. Nero

    I don’t know what brand her bathing suit is.But i’m quite sure the pool water was transparant before she took a dip.

  38. I commend her for at least making the bathing suit look decent. I tried one of those on once, and I think Borat looked better. But seriously, she has the style of a 3rd grader.

  39. megan

    “naked butt crawl across a truck stop restroom” …HAHAHAHA. have you learned from experience that this leads to VD?

  40. Yoda

    #18: Edna, you’re a filthy fucking syphilitic cunt with delusions of grandeur. Why don’t you go fuck yourself with a crucifix, provided you are able to squeeze one past your fat meat curtains.

  41. joe blow

    This just in: The French Army has just surrendered to the crabs infesting Paris Hilton’s disease ridden snatch.

  42. Edna Bambrick

    #43 has been reported.

  43. Jim

    @45 – to who, your Momma?

  44. LPB

    Great point, Harry#38!

    Cannes used to feature “real international beauties”; not only that, they had SOMETHING to do with movies.

    But somewhere, as Don Henley said, “One year notoriety got all mixed up with fame.”

    So Paris Hilton is what the media gives up.

  45. Homo Erectus

    I like those flippers… they make the outfit complete. And I think the headband is there to keep blood out of her brain.

  46. Seagull

    uh oh, someone call the coast guard, the water is contaminated

  47. they call me MAN HAMMER

    edna bambrick. i would love to split your slit

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