The billionaire founder of Virgin, Richard Branson, threw a Mad Hatter-themed birthday party for his son on Saturday and invited Paris Hilton to attend. According to the Daily Mail she agreed and wanted to dress as Alice in Wonderland so she’d be the center of attention, but when Branson found out he secretly ordered all 60 of his waitresses to dress as Alice, even pushing the prank further by deliberately mistaking her for one of the staff and asking her to get him a drink.
The bash was attended by the U.K.’s A-list, with such guests as Princes William and Harry, Kate Moss, and Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie. “It was one hell of a party,” a source told the Mirror. “Paris found herself looking more like Tweedledum as she was surrounded by dozens of other Alices.” But perhaps the prank’s on Branson. Hilton’s rep tells The Scoop that “to the best of my knowledge” the heiress wasn’t even at the party.
Somebody definitely got X Punk’d here, I just can’t figure out who. Either Paris Hilton for the obvious, or Richard Branson for pretending to not recognize the wrong person. Considering one is the hugely successful founder of Virgin Records and the other cries when she can’t get into fancy clubs, I’m just going to assume it’s Paris and continue laughing sophisticatedly as I sip this delicious martini. And by delicious martini I mean my used cereal milk.
NOTE: Richard Branson, if you’re reading this please adopt me. I’m well behaved and I may or may not carry the secret to eternal life with me.
College Dropout | September 12, 2006 at 6:49 am
Wow
IFuckingHateYou | September 12, 2006 at 6:52 am
Paris was dressed as a scab-infested STD.
Actually, that wasn’t a costume at all.
RTH | September 12, 2006 at 6:53 am
By “delicious martini” you mean “tap water,” right?
Oh and… that’s good. Fuck Paris.
jamiew | September 12, 2006 at 6:56 am
I am sure she came with Ice like this:
http://www.sybarites.org/2006/03/29/rojtman-diamond-to-be-auctioned-along-with-other-magnificent-jewels/
marie-jo | September 12, 2006 at 6:56 am
This Paris-bashing gets better all the time!
Why not make an olympic sport out of it!
Jedi Kevin | September 12, 2006 at 7:02 am
A million photos of Paris and none of this event? It’s not punk’d if there’s no camera.
Giggles | September 12, 2006 at 7:02 am
As the saying goes, “We’ll always have Paris.” I think that should be the new subtitle of this web site.
Regardless, I love Richard Branson today.
sharkbite | September 12, 2006 at 7:06 am
I pray that the prank was on Paris. Oh man, that’s great.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
jrzmommy | September 12, 2006 at 7:08 am
I have this marvelous vision of Paris swankin her way in to the room — fashionably late, of course, entourage of flunkies in tow — on the cusp of making one of her bizarre poses as her entry and…. stopping dead in her fucking tracks at the doorway, her jaw says hello to the linoleum and she focuses her lazy eye on 60 chicks dressed JUST LIKE HER!!
Ya see, Par, the world is getting fed up with you. You’re a joke….are you starting to get the hint?
cayla | September 12, 2006 at 7:09 am
can anyone other than paris hilton and lindsay lohan do anything these days?
lohanjob | September 12, 2006 at 7:13 am
as much fun as this story is… Paris was in New York at the time of this party.
danielle | September 12, 2006 at 7:13 am
Jesus Fucking Christ! We close with Paris yesterday and open with Paris today. Let’s start the backbiting now! I’ll go first, jrzmommy is a big fat ho bag and Rich Ports new name is Dick Starboard. Let the games begin!
jrzmommy | September 12, 2006 at 7:19 am
DanYELL, my ignorant little porch monkey, you’re like a spent condom to us…you’ve served your purpose but now we’re done with you. Now run away before someone drops a house on you, too.
Tanor | September 12, 2006 at 7:20 am
She is too ashamed into admitting the prank. What a tightwad!
http://www.BadBreakups.net
Leyna | September 12, 2006 at 7:21 am
“And by delicious martini I mean my used cereal milk,” LMAO
jane's eyre | September 12, 2006 at 7:26 am
Well to start things off, I have a flying DeLorean, I have a lifelong membership in MENSA, and I’m married to the man who invented peanut butter. That’s right, George Washington Carver. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it.
P.S.
Thanks to all of you, especially tucker, for the fabulous laughs yesterday.
danielle | September 12, 2006 at 7:27 am
“Comments will be moderated and obnoxious or promotional comments may be removed.”
Come on Mr Superficial, do your job. Everything that twat, jrzmommy and douchebag, Rich Port writes is obnoxious. Ban the freaks!!!
DiabetesExplosion | September 12, 2006 at 7:44 am
I’ve got to hand it to Branson, it’s kind of hard to pretend to not know which waitress Paris is since she’d be the only one with lips covered in sores. And by lips I mean her labias because let’s face it, those are more commonly seen than her face.
CelebSlam.com | September 12, 2006 at 7:46 am
Only Paris would invite herself to someone’s birthday and then try to be the center of attention.
http://www.celebslam.com
tallcoolone | September 12, 2006 at 7:56 am
Danielle, lighten up. I happen to enjoy the hell out of jrzmommy and richport’s comments. In fact, it makes my afternoon at work to read the funny shit they write! If you can take it, just go away already! Don’t try and jump on the ‘ban them’ bandwagon by telling on them. Grow up and say something really witty.
ch474 | September 12, 2006 at 7:57 am
#5, there are only 3 ways Paris should be an Olympic sport.
1) Archery and her worn oozing scaby labia are the target.
2) Skeet shooting with Paris as the skeet. Ready? Pull!
3) Since she’s roughly the same build, replace the javelin throw with the Paris toss
tallcoolone | September 12, 2006 at 7:57 am
oops, *can’t…sorry for the typo
nwork | September 12, 2006 at 8:10 am
I’m willing to bet that the first poster on this thread, College Dropout, has an ass so hot that it could fry a slab of bacon.
Mmmm…bacon.
jrzmommy | September 12, 2006 at 8:12 am
My goal is to medal in Paris Bashing in 2008!! In fact, I’m going to get a job at Home Depot because they offer Olympians flex hours to train.
20–thanks, but seriously, this one ain’t worth the keystrokes. She’s a toss-away. Ya know?
chortle | September 12, 2006 at 8:13 am
labias?………..????ahhahahahahaAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
no ‘s’……diabetesexplosion……labias…….AHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA, time for my used cereal milk, i mean, martini……….
DiabetesExplosion | September 12, 2006 at 8:21 am
I could’ve sworn that I saw her have two of them, I mean, there are guys with two penises and chicks with two vaginas I figured Paris would be “special” too.
*Examines the evidence*
Hmmmmmmmmm. You’re right, it’s just one really long, stretched out cunt. My deepest apologies. Carry on.
DiabetesExplosion | September 12, 2006 at 8:24 am
Oops, I missed a period in my comment. Guess I’m pregnant.
flamarkel | September 12, 2006 at 8:25 am
Princes William and Harry were there? The royal blood line now will carry STDs for generations. “The Madness of King William.” I’m not sure Beatrice and Eugenie got away clean, either.
edb87 | September 12, 2006 at 8:50 am
With all of these people picking on Paris maybe it’ll reach a point that she’ll go away.
…
Yeah, I know wishful thinking.
http://www.edquartersaudio.com
RichPort | September 12, 2006 at 9:12 am
Fuck that. Ban me. That little cucumber fucker needs to change her name to something more teen-agey like DZPR81. She is repeatedly schooled and bitchsmacked to the point of hilarity. She has yet to say anything funny, and she had thousands of chances, because that’s about as many strokes a Jrz, myself and others have taken on that gaping ass of hers. Crying to the Mr. Fish for getting reamed? What a joke. An unfunny, unintelligent, I-know-you-are-but-what-am-I, needs-to-read-a-few-fucking-books joke. No insight, no originality. Even the name is as hum drum and dry as you can get. The creativity train left the station with her homeless on the platform. What fucking idiot.
#20 – Thanks for the love. Please just let that cafeteria employee at that tier 3 college just curl up and die. I had to stick my johnson in her mouth twice yesterday… she’s still spitting up splooge.
jrzmommy | September 12, 2006 at 9:48 am
Rich–I can’t believe people really believe the ban thing anyhow. I mean, no obnoxious or promotional comments……there’d be like one dude posting here and after a while he’d get banned so there’d be no one.
JoannieBalonie | September 12, 2006 at 9:52 am
If she was there I hope she came nowhere near Prince Henry or Prince William. What a shame. . . .
Shaun | September 12, 2006 at 9:53 am
What a tool.
Shaun
Spindoc | September 12, 2006 at 10:02 am
This was in the NYPost today…
September 12, 2006 — PARIS Hilton is not wanted at Ian Schrager’s Gramercy Park Hotel. Friday night, after partying at Marquee and drinking “lots” of vodka and pineapple juice, Hilton tried to join Orlando Bloom, Winona Ryder and Josh Lucas in the hotel’s Rose Bar, but bouncer Damien stopped her due to Schrager’s decree that “the likes of Paris Hilton and her ilk are not welcome here.” Hilton had further bad luck Sunday when she crashed the party at Milla Jovovich’s townhouse – after the bash was over.
jrzmommy | September 12, 2006 at 10:20 am
Crashing a party after it’s over, well that’s as subtle as a 10-car pile-up!
PunjabPete | September 12, 2006 at 10:23 am
And the queen of the talentless wannabes moves one step closer to the edge of the precipice known as… Hasbeen Obscurity…
A few Paris tears in a cocktail glass and my day will be complete….
(PS. At least she can finance that new clothes line with K-Fed when they are both completely washed up)….
The Devil's Prom Date | September 12, 2006 at 10:27 am
Big ups to Mr. ‘Fish and Spindoc- these posts have my lady-place positively tingling.
Now seal the deal and stick it in.
jane's eyre | September 12, 2006 at 10:49 am
I think it’s wicked awesome (there’s some Deeds for you) that Paris is being turned away from parties, clubs, etc., on account of her reputation of being associated with skanky behavior. I would give my lunch money to see Paris’ face after being told that “the likes of Paris Hilton and her ilk are not welcome here”. (SO friggin’ AWESOME) 10 to 1 she pulled out her cell phone immediately after to pretend that someone was calling her as she slunk away in her fugly ankle boots, silently dripping acid tears.
RichPort | September 12, 2006 at 11:05 am
You can take Paris’ tears, dry then in the sun, then snort them. That’s what Dirtbag damnYELL told me.
| September 12, 2006 at 11:07 am
#8.. Very good Jane, you’re learning.
Anonymously Anonymous | September 12, 2006 at 11:10 am
#38.. Very good Jane, you’re learning.
86 | September 12, 2006 at 12:27 pm
27 you could just be anorexic. ha.
HolisticWisdomcom | September 12, 2006 at 12:34 pm
Can we imagine for a moment if wealthy people such as this put half the time they put into plotting party themes and punking people into humanity?
The world would rock! However, we are stuck with Alice In Wonderland pranks. Oh well, Paris getting embarrassed is at least entertaining.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
jrzmommy | September 12, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Actually, #43, I think Richard Branson is pretty generous. paris, on the other hand, is just a sloth.
chubbs | September 12, 2006 at 1:29 pm
#17 or Danielle
1) You need to get laid
2) stop acting like my mom or anyones mom
3) Superficial should ban your whiney ass
As for Sir Richard, what a great idea if it is true. was she winking with her broody eyeball or her fake swollen bj lips?
amhi | September 12, 2006 at 2:15 pm
What an awesome guy. To the best of my knowledge, Richard Branson’s reality tv show from a couple years ago is the only one I’ve watched all the way through.
Dory | September 12, 2006 at 2:53 pm
I always thought richard branson was great now I think he’s a god!
I’m in love…
jane's eyre | September 12, 2006 at 3:56 pm
@46
i saw that show too, it was awesome!
PunjabPete | September 12, 2006 at 5:56 pm
I guess Richard won’t be spending any time in Paris anytime soon…. To bad, what with the huge tunnel that leads into Paris.
PrincessMuMu | September 12, 2006 at 6:10 pm
” … and continue laughing sophisticatedly as I sip this delicious martini. And by delicious martini I mean my used cereal milk.”
That is the funniest thing ever. I almost fell off my chair.