In what can only be read as a sign of the apocalypse, Paris Hilton has been given her own line of Hello Kitty figures by Sanrio. They’ve got the blonde hair, purses, and even Tinkerbell, but it still needs a certain something to make it undeniably Paris. Like a stripping pole. Or detachable crabs. Or a giant sign around her neck that says “I’m a worthless human being.” Maybe a penis in the mouth? I’m just throwing out ideas here, folks.
 |
Courteney Cox's Shocking Confession About Her Sex Life – Huffington Post |
 Why Was This Celebrity Booed Off This Hit TV Show? – Fox News | |
| 50 Most Scandalous Cheerleaders in Sports History – Bleacher Report | |
| Skinny Star in a Bikini Talks About Being Anorexic – Evil Beet Gossip | |
| Sasha Grey keeps doing it for the kids. – TMZ | |
| Kate Middleton Steps Out On Her Own – Lainey Gossip |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
Adam Levine Signs 'Glee' Guy to New Label, Poses For Terry Richardson (PHOTOS) |
Relationship Expert on Halle Berry's Reported Move: It's About Being Selfless, Not Selfish (PHOTOS) |
Camila Alves Flashes Engagement Ring, Talks Wedding Plans (PHOTOS) |
'Madly in Love' Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart Hang Tight in Los Angeles |
Lady Gaga's Tattooed 'Born This Way' Costar Reveals 'Top Secret' Project with Singer |
Lindsay Lohan's Platinum Blonde Locks: Yay or Nay? (PHOTOS) |
ILovePapaSmurf | August 7, 2006 at 5:26 pm
I’m selling my stock, my clothes, EVERYTHING! The world is ending! THE WORLD IS ENDING! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
JessLovesIt | August 7, 2006 at 5:27 pm
Why is the doll wearing clothes? That’s nothing like Paris.
amaritimer | August 7, 2006 at 5:33 pm
I’d love to be able to kick her in the box with someone else’s foot. Someone I didn’t like. Because then there would be discustoids all over their foot. Ewwwww, Paris Hilton’s box. *gag*
Mary45 | August 7, 2006 at 5:35 pm
I wonder if the Paris dolly has a landing strip she can expose when she gets out her toy Bentley… “Now with VELRCO Crabs!!”
LilRach | August 7, 2006 at 5:36 pm
More like “hello pussy”
dabitch | August 7, 2006 at 5:36 pm
It needs herpes. That’ll do it.
LilRach | August 7, 2006 at 5:37 pm
“hello disease ridden pussy”
PunjabPete | August 7, 2006 at 5:44 pm
Oh but how the Japanese have taste…
Next? Paris Hilton underpants in a dispensing machine…
Xopher.tm | August 7, 2006 at 5:45 pm
I vomited.
And not just a little bit in my mouth.
techiedude | August 7, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Don’t these toy makers understand this woman is NOT to be considered a role model for children? Putting her face on a kids toys is the equivalent of putting O.J.’s face on kitchen knife set.
herbiefrog | August 7, 2006 at 5:56 pm
i love it :)))
we want one…
paris, keep on fucking them over :)
sharkbite | August 7, 2006 at 6:05 pm
Great, like we need the youth trying to idolize her. Apocalyse is approaching us, I’m sure of it.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
BarbadoSlim | August 7, 2006 at 6:11 pm
A name change is in order for this toy line, henceforth they shall be called:
Hello STD
herbiefrog | August 7, 2006 at 6:12 pm
> …like we need the youth
> …trying to idolize her.
less of the youth… lad
> Apocalyse is approaching
probably feels that way
time to time
damn fireflies get everywhere
GossipGirl | August 7, 2006 at 6:18 pm
It’s no coincidence that they released a Paris Hilton doll…. she recently BOUGHT the company, or atleast a large part of it. Yea…. there’s nothing like an STD-ridden slut running a little kids’ toy company.
ScriptRadar | August 7, 2006 at 6:37 pm
The Japanese are the same people who eat poison blow fish so, yeah, it makes sense.
UNWASHEDMASSES | August 7, 2006 at 7:01 pm
If you look at the doll through nightvision it’s clothing becomes as transparent as the person it’s modeled after. A whole line of accessory STDs are planned, with lovable, cuddly characters like Herpes, Syphilis, Genital Wart, and the terrible twosome Pubic Crabs. Each will come with a corresponding treatment. Herpes gets a packet of faux Valtrex, Syphilis a play syringe, Genital Wart a fake bottle of liquid nitrogen and the Crabbies come equipped with a tiny razor. Even Tinkerbell gets in on the action with a removable tapeworm and a some pretend heartworm medication. Hours of fun and early disease education. From the makers of Hello Kitty and Good-bye Asshole.
bunnyhugger | August 7, 2006 at 7:07 pm
2 things:
1) i thought she already had her own toy line:
http://www.mcphee.com/categories/parasite.html
2) didn’t south park already do this episode???
I Fucked Your Honor Student | August 7, 2006 at 7:08 pm
Kids that buy these dolls will get “Cat scratch fever”!!!
Well, they’ll get some kind of itch anyway.
PunjabPete | August 7, 2006 at 7:35 pm
#15 – Whatever could you mean? She is this decades iconic blonde (funny since she is a natural brunette). Didn’t she tell you? They just made these because she is sooo great. I am sure it had nothing to do with her owning part of the company. Much like her “music” has nothing to do with the fact that she is capable of buying producers with enough talent to make her warbling sound like Gwen Stefani. Pure happenstance. She has talent and skill I tells you… she should SOOOO be immortalized…
energy_guru | August 7, 2006 at 8:37 pm
She’s such a self promoter it’s disgusting.
herbiefrog | August 7, 2006 at 8:46 pm
#20 calm down :)
its all in hand…
…as it were [ooo eeerr :) ]
Cleosneedle | August 7, 2006 at 8:46 pm
Why?
And I hope this piece of crap product and a disgrace to all Hello Kitty fans never makes it’s way to America. Let the Japanese keep her
herbiefrog | August 7, 2006 at 9:03 pm
23 you have simply lost the point
we live in a diffferent world,….
bunnyhugger | August 7, 2006 at 9:24 pm
hey, herbie, where ya been the last couple of days?
somehow it’s just not the same when you’re not here.
herbiefrog | August 7, 2006 at 9:32 pm
we have to move around…
join the ponies :)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0490668/board/nest/50209986
PunjabPete | August 7, 2006 at 9:34 pm
#22 – I am rushing out to get my Hello Paris right now… WOOT!!
Next to market – The Paris Hilton erector set… Build your own Paris Hilton at home. Just makes lots of money and a good doctor…
This string of pics shows her demonic beginnings… (note the eyes)
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/paris_hilton_rhino.htm
I love you Paris!!
ToiletDuck | August 7, 2006 at 9:51 pm
Well, since this trollop wants to endorse products, here are some ideas for her…
1. Paris Hilton panties (with trap doors in the front and back for easy entry)…
2. A new hotel by Hilton, called the “Hilton Paris Express Inn” – slogan, “no matter how full we are, Paris can always slip you in.”
3. Paris Hilton floor mop – when it gets real dirty, just wring it out and it’s ready to go again…
4. Paris Hilton bed in a bag – already has the cum stains on the sheets and a condom holder on the pillow…
5. Ford Motor Company’s new “pickup” the Paris, similar to the Eddie Bauer model, except with a bigger box and a rougher ride…only comes in automatic with “four on the floor” just like its namesake…
Sir Psycho Sexy | August 7, 2006 at 9:59 pm
13. “Hello STD”, an educational toy for munchkin aspiring medical professionals.
It should include a Hello Microscope with Hello STD Culture Slides for reference, and live STD bacillus and viruses hidden in various orifices on the Hello Paris doll.
Of course you’d have to provide Hello Surgical Masks, Gloves, and Antibiotics, and have the parents sign Hello STD waivers, …
Jenny | August 7, 2006 at 10:05 pm
Everyone knows that Japan loves Paris Hilton and her sister. They’re American icons who represent what they think America is. Paris Hilton wa kawaii! It’s about time they released a Paris Hilton hello kitty doll. I want one!!!!!!!!!! Hope they release them in America.
Kneecapped | August 7, 2006 at 10:08 pm
I hear the “night vision green” doll is coming out just in time for Christmas.
ToiletDuck | August 7, 2006 at 10:20 pm
#30…
You are kidding right??
Japanese people think that American females are promiscous sluts who give blowjobs to guys in elevators and make sex tapes and dress like prostitutes and attend parties for a living??? Whew…
ToiletDuck | August 7, 2006 at 10:23 pm
How about “Hello Herpes”…
A cute little figure, with that stupid empty headed gaze Paris face with a cold sore attached to the body of a slimy, disease-ridden little germ figurine, called “Little Herpie” – since they think so highly of us in Japan, it will be a huge seller there!
Justin Igger | August 7, 2006 at 10:34 pm
hell yea i want a hello whitey doll so i can feed it to my two pit bulls sanford and son
Justin Igger | August 7, 2006 at 10:56 pm
i would like for her to suck my dick
then i bend her over and give her a huge prick
she loves the way black feels inside
knock the bitch out and throw her in the trunk of my ride
she wants to box i fight her to
slap the ho down like a fucking jew
mel gibson cheers and acts all happy
but i shit on him to and make him nice and crappy
nobody likes me and it makes me sick
its cuz im Justin Igger and I have a big dick
for real though
non yall can rythme better then me yo
bunnyhugger | August 7, 2006 at 11:22 pm
26,
dunno, herbie. can i trust you??
we’ll see, we’ll see!
:)
GuyLeDouche | August 8, 2006 at 12:14 am
Actually, they ought to make a Mr. Slave doll with Paris’s feet wiggling out of his ass – that would be a collectible. If you haven’t seen that South Park episode, you have missed one of Matt and Trey’s finest half-hours.
HolisticWisdomcom | August 8, 2006 at 12:14 am
I find it funny that they market her to children. What next, a Jenna Jameson Barbie?
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/paris-hilton-sex-tape.htm
sid | August 8, 2006 at 1:25 am
Products this horrendous don’t need punchlines.
So, I’ll relate another one. I was on Amazon reading the reviews of Paris’ kids’ books, and one person wrote that there was once a forest, breathing and giving oxygen by day, silent and whispering by night, and it had to be knocked down and turned into a book for Paris.
Thought I’d share.
Tom loves the cock. And…oh, never mind :P
Russell_Reyes | August 8, 2006 at 1:56 am
dammit didnt anyone learn from south park that you cant let Paris Hilton be little girls’ role model?
hesboolala | August 8, 2006 at 4:58 am
How do you get Stavros to mount Paris ?
Pokemon
somethingoriginal | August 8, 2006 at 5:41 am
why all the bad comments about herpes?
i have herpes and, evidently, so do the 726 men and 5 women i’ve had dirty herpes sex with. why you got to hate? love is all you need! well, love and a feisty antibacterial cream. But as #17 says, that’s sold separately.
techiedude | August 8, 2006 at 8:19 am
I’ll hold out for the Official Paris Hilton Voodoo Doll.
RichPort | August 8, 2006 at 9:09 am
Surprise, suprise, from the country that practically invented bukkake and schoolgirl bondage…
What’s next? Paris Pokemon?? What the hell would that look like??? Is nothing sacred????
#5 Hilarious!
jrzmommy | August 8, 2006 at 10:05 am
The Paris Hello Kitty Kit will include a pretty sparkly pink case to carry your supply of Valtrex, metallic pink tubes with a matching sparkly pink compact mirror to snort your pink cocaine and pink condoms.
hisforalways | August 8, 2006 at 11:08 am
Yes that’s what the world needs, a replicated doll of Paris Hilton. Look kids! She sucks, she bends over and lets her dog sniff her butt (not included) and she even will have sex on camera!
What is the world coming to?
ToiletDuck | August 8, 2006 at 12:04 pm
#5…
You beat me to it…
It REALLY has to be…
“Hello Pussy”
saltpeanuts | August 8, 2006 at 12:21 pm
Hello Pity.
jrzmommy | August 8, 2006 at 12:27 pm
Hello Chlamyddy
Tits_McGhee | August 8, 2006 at 6:00 pm
The Hello Kitty line is working on a new and upcoming video of Hello Kitty in her very first sex tape. It will be called Hello Pussy: A Night in Herpeville.