Paris Hilton gets charged

September 26th, 2006 // 70 Comments

Paris Hilton has been officially charged for the incident earlier this month with two misdemeanors including driving under the influence and driving with a blood-alcohol level of .08 or higher. Her arraignment is set for Thursday and she faces a maximum punishment of a $1,000 fine and/or six months in jail.

“I’d be very surpised if she does any jailtime,” says Lawrence Taylor, an L.A.-based attorney with 30 years experience handling DUI cases. “If she pleads guilty, she’d likely pay a fine, attend DUI school and be on probation for three years.” “Paris regrets the entire event,” Mintz told People. “She had never been arrested before, so to go through the police procedure was very disorienting for her. It was personally humiliating for her; she is not taking it lightly or frivolously.”

And just cause, here are some pictures of Paris Hilton in Germany promoting the ultra classy canned sparkling wine, Rich Prosecco. You’d think a DUI might affect Paris Hilton’s ability to promote canned alcohol, but that would only make sense in a world that isn’t completely mad, where people get paid more money to occasionally flash their genitals than to save lives.


  1. Philip Ramirez


    That’s what she gets.

  2. Philip Ramirez

    BTW, in that first picture that guy seems to be looking at her and thinking “What the fuck is this bitch wearing.”

  3. mikeski

    What Paris doesn’t know is that we’ve secretly replaced her lawyer with a former NFL linebacker. Let’s see what happens next.

  4. Sara Bear

    Paris Hilton is such an idiot. What hast she done? T.V reality show, a book, purfume, movies, a failed misic career, why not add canned wine (very classy paris) and a DUI to her resume. Paris hiton Give it a rest.

  5. PunjabPete

    Irony defined: Most of the time we look at these jackoff celebs and wonder when they will slip far enough to start doing porn…

    I guess the joke is on us… Touche Paris. Touche.

  6. Sara Bear

    That Paris Porno is what made her famous. I had no idea who Paris Hilton was untill that Porn was released. Right around the same time as she first starred in the Simple life. That porno is what made you Paris. Mayeb you should stick to what your good at. Sucking dink and being a STD infested Whore.

  7. bigponie

    stupid ass server.

    WTF is she doing, is she trying to deep throat that straw to get to the strawberry or should I say nutsack.

  8. Sara Bear

    I acutally woudl like to seem some before and after pictures of paris hilton. You can tell she’s had so much plastic surgery, im surprised her own mother can reconize her. Maybe she’ll turn out liek Michael Jackson, and her nose will fall off. Bitch will get what she deserves.

  9. Check this URL out…..

  10. Binky

    If she drinks any more of that stuff – she’ll probably choke herself on those braids.

  11. Hey Ferret, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t Lawrence Taylor (LT) now a minister?

  12. ValeWolf

    Her face looks like crap. Tons of pimples and warts. Gross.

  13. bigponie

    her ankles look like barbara streisand’s tits.

  14. She looks as plastic as a Barbie Doll. And probably a cheap whore, too.

  15. PunjabPete

    #6 she is all about the DINK. For sure…

    Her Rhinoplasty and other facial changes made tons of difference. However, no make can help with those craters and divots. I step closer to the end we come. One step…

    Another post without Paris tears… My day gross darker yet….

  16. Skip Smith

    I want to hurt her. With my penis. In her vagina.

  17. LilRach

    On a positive note that dress makes her boobs look bigger

  18. bigponie


    be warned her vagina is really a ‘venis cock trap’, stick it in but you won’t stick it out.

  19. HollyJ

    I HATE her fucking lazy eye.

    The dress makes her boobs look bigger because it’s stuffed with material to push them up. Everything below the actual topline of the dress is padding. ALL OF IT

  20. PunjabPete

    Everything between the pony tails is padding too…

  21. Dory

    PunjabPete #27… i just fell of my chair laughing. Thankyou.

  22. mikaosky

    What’s funny is that some Hollywood rehab clinic is trying to get Paris into their program which allows her to continue her drinking and partying.


  23. Nora

    Ugh! Why won’t she DIE already??

  24. BigJim

    The German polka band was playing in the background and Stavros came in started to hump the tuba. When asked what the fuck he was doing, he replied that he saw the gaping tuba hole and thought it was Paris’ snatch.

    He then said he figured out something was wrong because the tuba was kind of tight compared to Paris, and it didn’t smell like a can of week-old-tuna fish.

  25. saltpeanuts

    Holy shit. I kid you not, she’s wearing the same dress my prom-date wore in 1988. That thieving bitch.

    And that is a can of solid gold squawk tightener. Nothing but the best for Paris. Still, I’d bang her like a jackhammer on an El Lay freeway.

  26. HollyJ

    Her fake hair looks SO trashy. I mean, it’s not HARD to grow hair. Fuck. It’s not like getting a PhD in Astrophysics. Just DON’T CUT IT, bitch!

    Otherwise, deal with the fact that you have 3″-long ugly lesbian Army hair that’s been fried to hell and back. AND brown eyes (not that there’s anything wrong w brown eyes, but she always pretends to have blue). AND a big genetic fucking hook nose.

    The long fake hair doesn’t make you less herpes-ridden or moronic!!!

    Paris is a complete waste of carbon.

  27. Congradulations Paris!

    This is the 1,000,000th thing you’ve sucked!

  28. I’ve wet myself because I can’t stop laughing. And those gold gloves…dear GOD.

  29. saradevil

    man, the st. pauli girl has really let herself go.

  30. marc of teh place

    Main photo: Isn’t that Hank Hill?

  31. checkyourshorts

    I’m grooving on the big yoni stapled to her abdomen. Very subtle.

    I’m also looking forward to the trial, which should take all of five minutes.

    PARIS: Your Honor, I’m like so so sorry. It’s just, like, I’m not that smart.

    PROSECUTOR: I show you State’s proposed exhibit 1. What are these?

    PARIS: My douchebag statements on the radio the day after the incident, expressing no remorse at all about what I did and how getting arrested “no big deal” and how unfair it was the press made fun of me.

    PROS: And exhibit number 2. What are these?

    PARIS: Photos of me getting sloshed in a gold German milkmaid costume.

    PROS: The prosecution rests.

  32. diebutterfly

    “…where people get paid more money to occasionally flash their genitals than to save lives.”
    I couldn’t agree more, while cancer researchers have to beg for money, stars demand

  33. jazzmine

    Canned wine, hahah. How incredibly classy. Ew her face really bothers me.

  34. jazzmine

    Is it just me or does the guy on the far right look a lot like Mr. Bean?

  35. It’s Maria von Vaginus Cock Trapp!

  36. marie-jo

    #7 Now now, we all now she doesn’t suck dink (? lol). It’s well known that it gives you pimples and facial craters.

  37. Mo

    Sadly, the death penalty doesn’t apply in this case.

  38. jrzmommy

    It’s like the Swiss Miss chick grew up and went to juvee. What the fuck is she wearing?

  39. stevob2006

    not exactly a stranger to ‘public humiliation’ are you paris

  40. jrzmommy

    ….and the strawberry REALLY adds a touch of class.

  41. RichPort

    Why is her left eye always staring at the bridge of her nose? Please literally throw the book at her. It might knock her renegade eye back into place. And we all know DUI stands for Dirty, Ugly, and Infested.

    No applause, just throw money… many thanks.

  42. jrzmommy

    ….renegade eye. haha!!

  43. Vylith

    ..oh, i see

    to have a lens mounted on your face.

    exit now please.

  44. frenchtoaststix

    What, is she the fucking new St. Pauli Girl girl?? And why is Geoffrey Rush standing behind her? ACK! I must be hallucinating. Time to up my meds….

  45. enrapturelj

    Stupid bitch, her nose looked better before she had anything done to it. And what’s up with those assinine poses of hers like the “I’m about to trip over my own feet” pose she always does (picture 4). Too bad only the good die young. (In which case we’ll be seeing her on that smucker’s people over 100 segment that Willard Scott does). How depressing.

  46. Steeno

    wow, super bad pic.

    instead of the usual perfection, we see bad skin, acne scarring, colored eye contacts, mis-maintained dye job.

    how many of you would still hit that?

    …aside from the health risk

  47. countess olenska

    Why does she dress for every function like it’s a costume ball? The Heidi get-up is fine for five year olds on Halloween, but she looks like a big gold be-pigtailed mistake. And PS, Paris– Madonna did the look justice many moons ago at the premiere of her Sex book.

  48. Equalparts

    In her defense on the outfit–that is some traditional garb or something for the promotion she was doing.

    The things that gets me is the whole, “Paris is taking this very, very seriously.” about her DUI. I remember after it happened, that human canker sore walking around going, “like, oh my god, it’s so not such a big deal, nothing even happened it’s so not a problem.”

    Now that the bitch is getting CHARGED her tune changes.

    I loathe that woman.

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