Paris Hilton forgets bra, finds Jebus

May 22nd, 2007 // 142 Comments
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Paris Hilton was spotted in LA conveniently carrying around in front of paparazzi a self-help book called The Power Of Now and – wait for it – The Holy Bible. Did I mention she also forgot her bra? I dunno if that’s relevant, but she also forgot her bra. I can’t believe this is the best tactic clowns like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan can come up with to change their public image. Actually, no, wait, yes I can believe it. What I can’t believe is that they manage to make it through the day without the aid of a bicycle helmet.

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superficial

  1. mrs.t

    She left Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You See? in Starbucks.

  2. jakebarnes

    Love how the titles are oh-so-perfectly aimed at the camera. Also, if you want to impress the judge, don’t dress like a BET video girl.

  3. flavio

    hahaha…second post… shes ugly

  4. N'Arianne

    So lame. She’s trying to cover up and seem all goodie goodie and as if she’s a better person because she’s going to jail. Jebus, man. She’d seem like a better person if she walked around with a sign around her neck saying “I’, gonna off myself”. Because a dead Paris is a good Paris.

  5. fucking_classy

    What a tumbling idiot.
    Btw, hilarious headline, Fish!

  6. Superevil

    Does she think she’s fooling anyone?

  7. veggi

    hahaha! She can’t read!!! But she looks like she just got done offering passengers peanuts on JesusAir.

  8. Chickychick

    I don’t see how she even managed to touch a bible without being burned…Maybe she is used to the burning from when she goes to the bathroom so its just no big deal.

  9. Mandy

    Poor bible. =(

  10. You’re not sorry and I’m not an admiral.

  11. adeliza

    Poor little Paris looks so down trodden. I love that adopted pity me pout.

  12. Petite

    I hope her “people” are shitting themselves right now, seeing how she’s made herself into the laughing-stock again! Every celebrity web site is making fun of her today!

  13. schack

    why don’t you think it’s me, veggi?

  14. yrmomlovesme

    Jesus: “I forgive you, my child.”

    Paris: “That’s hot.”

  15. veggi

    just didn’t have your regular ring to it… you been smokin’ the gigglebush?

  16. #12 – “again” … ?

    When was Paris Hilton not a laughingstock? I don’t remember any kind of hiatus.

  17. srg

    even the most bible thumping bible thumpers I know don’t walk around with a bible PLUS a self-help book.
    Oh, and a note to Paris: osmosis doesn’t work with books. You might try the audiobook, but that might have too many big words and no one could tell you are carrying it around.

  18. .
    She totally stole that Bible out of a Hilton Hotel.

  19. um

    i hope this has an impact on her… ha who am i kidding? she is probably just using it for toilet paper

  20. feed_me

    Please chain that fecking idiot in a basement. What beastly breasts. *pukes*

  21. Eww, she got herpes on that bible.

  22. I bet the bible is hollowed out with a nice little hiding place inside….

    Also, why wear shoes if you do not have feet…..

    VOTE YODA
    http://www.voteyoda.com

  23. BETTIE

    It’s just too hilarious to me that the front covers are facing the cameras! so freaking obvious!! the only website not making fun of her is that idiot Perez Hilton, go figure!

  24. Wait, Paris Hilton can read?!

  25. Veggi you are a twatwaffle and Schack sucks the jiz from your twatwaffle as she is mounted from behind by her dog.

    So mind your own business twatwaffle!!!

  26. veggi

    Suck it schacky green. What, you can’t think of your own words? Fucking rediculous attempt assmunch.

  27. Josh_Lavarn

    Her favorite verse is Proverbs 11:22.

    “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.”

  28. Veggi show me that twatwaffle of yours and I will suck it. And when did you become the proud owner of the word twatwaffle assmunch?

  29. Veggi show me that twatwaffle of yours and I will suck it. And when did you become the proud owner of the word twatwaffle assmunch?

  30. The Warden

    Religion won’t save Paris. She’s just doing this as a PR stunt to repair the negative view the public has about her. She is a scam artist and one can only hope the putzeratti will stop following her and stop taking her picture.

  31. JoshLavarn

    Her favorite Bible story book character is the “Whore of Babylon” in Revelations.

  32. schack

    i have been smoking the giggle bush, veg.

    and schacky green, go find your peen, and then consider hacking it.

  33. redsonja1313

    UGH….. she is getting too skinny, look at her arms !!!!

  34. The Warden

    Religion won’t save Paris. She’s just doing this as a PR stunt to repair the negative view the public has about her. She is a scam artist and one can only hope the putzeratti will stop following her and stop taking her picture.

  35. JoshLavarn

    Surprised she isn’t melting into a pool of goo from the Bible in her arms.

  36. a

    She probably just stole it from one of the Hilton hotels thinking the cover was pretty and would go with her outfit.

  37. Giggle bush? is that code for veggie’s ass hair. We all know you love to lick ass. Can’t you say the word penis, dick, or cock. You have had your dogs up your ass enough times it should be like saying hello

  38. BarbadoSlim

    If I were her I’d get some how-to books on:

    Surviving repeated fistings

    Pleasuring large black women

    The healing power of crying

    Dealing with Aids

  39. i heart twatwaffles. i prefer syrup.

  40. schack

    you know, schacky, you should read dan savage. maybe that will serve as a model to you for how to discharge you will-to-curse in an orchestrated way that makes you sound ballsy and powerful, instead of evoking images of an infant vomitting diarrhea out of its mouth.

    and what’s wrong with a little, bestiality, PEENER? maybe my libido just knows no limits.

  41. schack

    #38. HAH. ha.

  42. schack

    veggi- schacky green is jimbo- he’s still bitter that a girl with no boobs stood him up, at the hard rock café of all places, and no less, to fuck the shit out of a gorgeous, young buck.

  43. Fishstick ask nicely, I am sure Schack and Veggie would be willing to share their twatwaffles with you. They have a lot to give. Just make sure you strap a board to your ass so you don’t get sucked all the way in.

  44. Mr. Green, you sound like you have a lot of pent-up anger. Did the hooker not rub it out fast enough for you sweety?

  45. Schack or should I just call you twatwaffle #2. your labido may have no limits, but men do and they stop when they get to you

  46. schack

    so you would rather fuck a dog, is what you’re saying?

    um, okay. have at it. make sure it’s, um, emptied itself beforehand.

  47. wedgeone

    #14 & 18 – LMFAO!

    #42 – Jimbo knows how to spell “libido” doesn’t he? Jimbo always seemed pretty intelligent. If he’s transformed into a troll, I hope he stops being bitter soon & gets back to being funny.

    Schanky Green – you’ve worn out my word faster than Houston setting the world’s gang bang record. I have rights on the word “twatwaffle” on this site since its original owner no longer posts here. The way I see it, you owe me $100 in royalties. Pay up.

  48. Did I scare everyone off with my uncontrollable flatulence? dammit.

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    Here is $200.00 Are we even?

  50. sweetnsnooty

    poser

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