Paris Hilton dumped Travis Barker

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Paris Hilton reportedly dumped Travis Barker after the incident last week when Shanna Moakler called her a “skinny bitch” and punched her in the jaw at Club Hyde. A friend of Paris tells In Touch Weekly Hilton broke up with Travis the following weekend, saying: “Paris realized this was not what she needed in her life right now.”

Ironic, because being punched in the jaw is exactly what I would’ve answered if you asked me what Paris Hilton needed in her life right now. Other possible answers might have been a giant bag of feces thrown at her face, an angry tiger hiding in her closet, or a space shuttle ride into the sun.

NOTE: Nobody is gonna take your claims of putting off sex for a year seriously if you can’t go a 24 hour period without latching on to some new mystery boyfriend. I don’t tell police I’m innocent and then go running around with a knife covered in blood. I mean I do, but they never believe me.

Tags: Paris Hilton