Paris Hilton reportedly dumped Travis Barker after the incident last week when Shanna Moakler called her a “skinny bitch” and punched her in the jaw at Club Hyde. A friend of Paris tells In Touch Weekly Hilton broke up with Travis the following weekend, saying: “Paris realized this was not what she needed in her life right now.”
Ironic, because being punched in the jaw is exactly what I would’ve answered if you asked me what Paris Hilton needed in her life right now. Other possible answers might have been a giant bag of feces thrown at her face, an angry tiger hiding in her closet, or a space shuttle ride into the sun.
NOTE: Nobody is gonna take your claims of putting off sex for a year seriously if you can’t go a 24 hour period without latching on to some new mystery boyfriend. I don’t tell police I’m innocent and then go running around with a knife covered in blood. I mean I do, but they never believe me.
lohanjob | October 11, 2006 at 8:36 am
A kick to the throat is also on that list… stop the singing forever.
tito | October 11, 2006 at 8:37 am
Using “giant bag of feces” in pretty much every other story on this site has gotten really, really old.
Basheera | October 11, 2006 at 8:38 am
I was thinking more along the lines of repeatedly punching her in the vagina to see if I can damage her internal reproductive organs. This way, it can’t reproduce. I’ll be wearing gloves, of course…
Brain Embolism | October 11, 2006 at 8:40 am
No one the space shuttle ride into the sun thing. Them things cost like 2 billion dollars a piece to build.
Just let her wrestle a stingray!
Hey Ferret, hey Stallion, hey Hopeless_ (wherever you are), hey pinky_, hey Grannys, hey twzzlrgirl and anybody else who despises me to the core of my very being!!!
Brain Embolism | October 11, 2006 at 8:44 am
Somebody get #2 ‘tito’ a tissue and then KICK HIS ASS OFF TheSuperficial.
Thank You
Oh yeah Stallion, it’s on! I’m in a motherfucking fightin’ mood!!!
Angry Ferret Jones | October 11, 2006 at 8:44 am
I know exactly what she needs. It’s right here in my pants….
Angry Ferret Jones | October 11, 2006 at 8:45 am
What up Brain? How is your hammer hanging?
Are we still going to Philly tonight to pick up snaggle-toothed hookers????
commissioner | October 11, 2006 at 8:49 am
Paris had an epiphany?
I wonder if it hurt?
RichPort | October 11, 2006 at 8:50 am
What she needs is an autopsy, not necessarily preceded by death…
slantingthroughdarkness | October 11, 2006 at 8:50 am
Shanna scared Paris away! Scaredy-cat Paris!
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
Brain Embolism | October 11, 2006 at 8:55 am
@7- Mr A. Ferret – You know it buddy! You, me, Stallion, Cock-Ninja, etc… are going to wreak havoc on the “City of Brotherly Hate”
Damn straight Nate!
P.S. The hammer is hanging a little to the left as of late.
NipsyHustle | October 11, 2006 at 8:57 am
It never dawned on her that dating a married man was something she didn’t need in her life? Well thank god for shanna’s fist of truth to knock this dumb bitch back into reality. If you run around with married men, you are a skank whore. when you run into that man’s wife, expect to get dealt with like a skank whore.
Spindoc | October 11, 2006 at 8:58 am
yeah sure, she was supposedly punched in the face yet doesn’t have a mark on her. What a bunch of B.S.
BigJim | October 11, 2006 at 9:01 am
You are familiar with the term “butterface,” yes?
Well, Paris is a buttersnatch.
And a butterlazyeye.
And, ah hell, this bitch is skanky from head to toe.
NipsyHustle | October 11, 2006 at 9:02 am
i’m convinced her pussy is a vortex. when one penis escapes its clutches, it draws whatever penis is in the immediate vicinity. maybe paris didn’t mean to screw a married man. he was just too close to her gaping hole.
tits_on_snack | October 11, 2006 at 9:03 am
Come on. Paris doesn’t have sex and isn’t having sex for a whole year. I know that because she said so.
She also doesn’t eat meat anymore because PeTA said it was bad. She said so. It doesn’t matter if she’s been seen leaving hotel rooms with random guys and stuffing her face at In and Out and McDonalds.
pinky_nip | October 11, 2006 at 9:06 am
Hey Brain… I only despise you when you think with your first brain and not your second brain.
Italian Stallion | October 11, 2006 at 9:09 am
LOL at Brain……..I’m game…..
I think I may have ran out of Paris jokes…..Nah
Ruby | October 11, 2006 at 9:16 am
I’ve come to the conclusion that that wasn’t a bag of dope in her purse the other day. It was a freeze-dried sample of her most recent bout of crabs.
HolisticWisdomcom | October 11, 2006 at 9:21 am
Wow, to be dumped by Paris. How sad does your life have to be?
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
ApacheRose | October 11, 2006 at 9:29 am
Travis Barker’s too good for her, which is really pitiful, since he’s a GIANT BAG OF FECES.
A giant, freaky, tattood, emaciated bag of feces.
bigponie | October 11, 2006 at 9:56 am
parispussy parispussy parispussy… when you say it enough times you start to get a mental picture of satan.
86 | October 11, 2006 at 9:58 am
Wow Paris breaks up with another guy this month. Alert the media. And she spent another 30K on clothes? That’s so unlike her.
jrzmommy | October 11, 2006 at 10:15 am
so what’s she going to do with all her tough girl clothes she just bought?
CelebSlam.com | October 11, 2006 at 10:24 am
Can that guy even drink?
http://www.celebslam.com/
RichPort | October 11, 2006 at 10:31 am
#24 – You may have missed the camouflage headband. What’s more gangsta than that?
TCLTC
beer | October 11, 2006 at 10:35 am
REMEMBER: It’s not sex if you only take it in the two alternative orifices!
c | October 11, 2006 at 11:19 am
Well even Paris is smart enough to realize that an ugly guy with a psycho ex-wife is not worth the hassle.
http://popanalysis.blogspot.com
ImaCracka | October 11, 2006 at 11:45 am
You mean if I go out and buy a faggy blue sweater I to can catch herpes by fucking Paris?
SIGN ME UP!!!!!!
yardgraffiti | October 11, 2006 at 12:14 pm
so whose next in line?
LL | October 11, 2006 at 12:27 pm
I vote for a space shuttle ride into the sun, and while we’re at it, please let’s throw Nicole in there too, since they’re BFF again. In fact, make it part of their “show” – The Simple Life: Into the Sun. They’ll think it’s at a beach resort and don’t find out until their flesh starts to blister (or in Nicole’s case, shrink even further) that they’re headed into the pitiless fireball. That’d be awesome. Someone please pitch this to E.
What’s Lohan been up to? She’s dressed horribly on Go Fug Yourself, but no other news. She hasn’t fallen down again, or exposed herself or failed to show up for work or something else embarrassing? I find that hard to believe. More Lohan!
Lobo | October 11, 2006 at 2:18 pm
Lohan lurks, cunningly plotting her next complete public disaster. You think these fiascos just happen? It takes sheer talent to fuck up like her, man. .. . .
lohanjob | October 11, 2006 at 3:21 pm
tito you are an idiot – bag of feces has been used 3 times in the history of the superficial – i don’t know how that constitutes every other story.
herbiefrog | October 11, 2006 at 4:07 pm
lol guys…
wait your turn…
get in line…
everyone will be served
[ooo err missus]
is the stake hidden
under the thing
cant quite see but
looks like you have a tight hold on it :)
Brain Embolism | October 11, 2006 at 4:25 pm
Ya see, now What The Fuck is herbiefrog talking about?
DrunkBlogger | October 11, 2006 at 9:44 pm
Wait, so that thing with Barker was really considered “dating.”
I just read that last line I wrote and I’m actually pissed at myself that I wrote it as if I’m “in the know” with this situation. Shit.
Malphesto | October 11, 2006 at 11:17 pm
Oh time moves so fast 4 years ago Travis Barker getting dumped by This thing, unthinkable
HollywoodSnark | April 5, 2007 at 9:44 am
paris dumped who? anyways, she’s always going through guys like she goes through hair bleach