Since nothing goes together like fine cinema and Paris Hilton, the heiress spent Sunday night drunkenly making out with Doug Reinhardt while attending Cannes. That couldn’t have ended well.
FILM GUY #1: Finally, after all our hard work, we have an actual, completed film that tomorrow morning we’ll be showing at Cannes. Cannes, baby!
FILM GUY #2: We made it, old friend. Cheers!
FILM GUY #1: My life’s dream has been to see my very own film on the big screen, and tomorr- *TSSSS* AHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES! WHAT’S HAPPENING?
FILM GUY #2: Paris Hilton is spread eagle doing shots on a table! Get down!
FILM GUY #1: I can’t see! I’m blind! I’m blind! NOOOOOOO!
Film Guy #1 never regained his sight. While in the hospital, Film Guy #2 revealed he was really a gay astronaut who sold babies on the black market to finance their film. Because this is a story about Cannes and those movies always have really fucked up, depressing endings.