So all that business about Paris Hilton’s belongings getting stolen from a warehouse was a bit off. The items weren’t stolen, but rather seized because Paris didn’t pay the monthly payments on the storage unit. Everything inside ended up being sold for $2,775 to a celebrity porn broker named David Hans Schmidt and now he wants to auction everything off for $20 million.
Seeing Paris Hilton’s life unfold is like watching a zany Hollywood comedy. First there’s the scene where they show Paris having sex with some guy while the camera slowly zooms in on an unpaid bill that says ‘Final notice’ on it. Then as Paris is about to check her mail she gets sidetracked and ends up having sex in a playground. And then the movie goes from comedy to hardcore porno and you realize it’s not a movie at all but you’re actually watching Paris have sex in a playground.
sikofdis | February 6, 2006 at 7:44 am
Skanktacular!
pookiedoo | February 6, 2006 at 8:50 am
Hmmm. D’ya think it’s possible she didn’t forget to pay the bill, but just couldn’t since business was slow that week? Just a thought.
illflux | February 6, 2006 at 10:27 am
Boy, ain’t it great that most of us have to work our asses off to keep scraping our money together to make sure we pay our bills on time and every month, yet this mindless meathole spends money like she owns the mint, yet can’t find the time in her “busy” day to remember to pay hers?
How does her family not have a fleet of accountants that take care of this shit for her, anyway?
Aimtrue | February 6, 2006 at 10:27 am
This is an auction I want to see.
We now have lot 10, four pair of soiled Hello Kitty thong panites up for bid. Starting bid $.25 do I hear .$25? As a bonus, if the stains are confirmed by DNA to be the winning bidders one-half of the winning bid will be donated to STD prevention. Do I hear $.25?
rachel | February 6, 2006 at 10:37 am
I wish someone would just hurry up & pay the $20 million so we can all find out what’s in it. Maybe we should start a collection plate here on the Superficial? I just want to see her “career” done and over with so I can stop seeing her so-called “accidental” nipple slips…the sooner the better.
rachel | February 6, 2006 at 10:37 am
I wish someone would just hurry up & pay the $20 million so we can all find out what’s in it. Maybe we should start a collection plate here on the Superficial? I just want to see her “career” done and over with so I can stop seeing her so-called “accidental” nipple slips…the sooner the better.
Zed | February 6, 2006 at 10:46 am
Hey, Paris is far too busy planning events for when one of her nipples will fall out of her shirts and dresses for her to pay her bills on time, people! Cut her some slack!
ESQ | February 6, 2006 at 11:32 am
Pee-pee, you silly twat the pen works with your hands, not with your feet while they are up in the air while you are getting slammed. Do we have to teach you everything?
ESQ | February 6, 2006 at 11:33 am
Hell, I bet her magazine subscriptions to “Cosmopolitan” and “Glamor” are paid up to date!
oh yeah baby | February 6, 2006 at 12:59 pm
i’m sure the warehouse owner wouldn’t take her skanky ass as a payment like the rest of the world. Poor Paris. Get a real job.
LaydeeBug | February 6, 2006 at 12:59 pm
You know, as much as I can’t stand this clowns antics, the guy who is trying to sell her back her stuff for 20 mil is just an asshole. Extorting money from her for her goods is just as bad as her flashing her hoo-ha at anyone who looks. He is just as low, maybe even lower as she acts. YES she is a douchebag, but she should get her stuff back.
LaydeeBug | February 6, 2006 at 1:02 pm
AND, by putting her stuff out there, he is just giving this cooze more and more publicity. Now everyone will be talking about Paris…..again. And again, and again. Remember folks a media whore does not care where the attention comes from. As long as it cums. (hee hee)
Goose Juice | February 6, 2006 at 1:16 pm
Bills? Like, why do I have to pay a Bill? Bill should be paying me.
little_miss_perfect | February 6, 2006 at 1:19 pm
David Hans Schmidt???? What the hell kind of name is that???? Even the sound of it is scummy. And how the hell do you get a title like “porn broker”? I guess with a name like that you have few other options.
Chris'sMom | February 6, 2006 at 1:40 pm
So that is the solution to all my financial problems…Note to self…start whoring myself and become famous for it. I could get away with so many ridiculous things and
still have people love me. Hmmm…
Chris'sMom | February 6, 2006 at 1:41 pm
So that is the solution to all my financial problems…Note to self…start whoring myself and become famous for it. I could get away with so many ridiculous things and
still have people love me. Hmmm…
Sheva | February 6, 2006 at 2:02 pm
She’s an attention loving whore and now someone is going to give her more of it.
Why shouldn’t he make money off her stupidity? She does it every single day.
jennifer11 | February 6, 2006 at 2:32 pm
god, i want to see her fall into a pit filled with pointy sticks and solid waste. and then we’ll toss mirah carey in on top of her to finish the job.
Whatup | February 6, 2006 at 3:19 pm
Porn broker huh?! I bet he confiscated those items because she was giving away free tricks instead of collecting the $.25. Or maybe that is going to be a hot seller…Paris Hilton shit stained under to hang from your rear view mirror $5.00 each.
Jeremy1Esq | February 6, 2006 at 5:23 pm
she has got to be one of the stupidest people on the planet. She is nothing more then a plastic sex doll with no redeeming value.
My guess is she will give birth to an actual animal someday and wont remember that she actually had sex with a horse or a dog because she couldnt tell the difference between the animals and the men who have stooped low enough to sleep with this chick.
hermanita | February 6, 2006 at 7:02 pm
“Bills? Like, why do I have to pay a Bill? Bill should be paying me.”
Ahaaha that was too funny. That’s the best suiting comment for this case.
Shaun | February 6, 2006 at 7:15 pm
I was wrong about Jessica Simpson. Homer was Paris Hilton’s real father. Dam what an idiot.
thekief4 | February 6, 2006 at 10:44 pm
You gotta wonder if this crap is planned. I mean the only thing she’s famous for is being a slut so better keep the material coming.
speechless | February 6, 2006 at 11:02 pm
and to think… there are girls in this country that LOOK UP to this whore. horrible. but, i guess that’s good for our men :) [raises a beer to paris]
ProbablyTooOld | February 7, 2006 at 5:31 am
Do you think the poor bastard who had to open those boxes prior to inventorying the contents is conscious yet? ‘Cause I bet the smell was not unlike fish, botulism and chihuahua poo all rolled into one aggressively nippled stench.
MP$40 | February 7, 2006 at 12:53 pm
Payback is a m’fcker! LOL…
Wild Rose | February 7, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Hey “Superficial”!
Congrats on your mention in the L.A. Times Calendar section–you know what this means, don’t you? More superficial treatment from “higher ups”, maybe even a good table at your fav Hollywood spot! Wish you had a journal on here to share some of your private thoughts…well, good goin’ and keep us laughin!
P.S. Paris has taken her smug “Don’t you wish you were me?” look too far in that pic! She looks ghastly!!!!
HollywoodSnark | March 26, 2007 at 7:14 am
yeah, too bad she can’t remember to pay her bills