Paris Hilton doesn’t know what “contract” means

Hilton_and_Richie.jpgApparently, Paris Hilton has been walking around telling people that she still doesn’t know who her co-star will be in the new season of The Simple Life, despite it being abundantly clear that Nicole Richie is contractually obligated to take up the unenviable role. Meanwhile, as Paris Hilton traipses around Brazil with her pants on fire (possibly hanging from a telephone wire), Simple Life producers are trying to think of ways to get Hilton and Richie to appear together on camera.

Quite frankly, I don’t know what the problem is. Just tell Paris that she’s starring in the damn show alone, and then get Nicole to shuffle around sideways so that Paris doesn’t see her. Or fold Nicole up and put her in Paris’ purse. Or make Nicole lose a few more pounds, throw some mismatched designer rags on her, and tell Paris her new partner is Allegra Beck. It’s not like the Hilton girl has a degree in noticing things.

Oh, and the article also mentions how Paris was eyeing Gisele Bundchen’s ex-boyfriend because: a) God blessed her with an inordinate Gwyneth Paltow-level sense of entitlement, and she thinks she can follow Gisele; and b) she doesn’t realize that her fiance’s shipping tycoon/war profiteering/arms dealing/rich, rich, rich family could kill her as covertly or as noisily as they want, and nobody would notice or care.