Paris Hilton Causing Trouble

When I was twelve years old I asked my dad for a pet dog. He said yes, but first I’d have to complete three tasks. I asked him why all three tasks involved sodomizing the gardener, but he was rather glib about it. Anyway, the point is that I earned that dog, so I was damn well gonna keep track of him. And now here comes Paris Hilton, whose new pet monkey, Baby Luv, caused some problems during a lingerie shopping spree in Las Vegas last weekend, by biting Hilton and clawing her face when she walked into the Agent Provocateur shop at Caesars on Saturday. Later that night, at Kelly Osbourne’s 21st birthday bash, Baby Luv escaped from Hilton’s clutches