Paris Hilton has been ordered back to jail in Lynwood and will serve out her original 45 day sentence with a credit for the 5 days she’s already served. Reporters say she was crying through the entire process and, when Judge Michael Sauer gave his decision, she let out a huge cry and said, “This isn’t right.” She was then physically dragged out of the courtroom by a female deputy, in tears, screaming, “Mom, Mom, Mom.”
Some witnesses say they saw a rainbow above the courtroom. And others say they saw a giant man in the clouds with a white beard nodding his head approvingly. And me? Well I saw Judge Michael Sauer grow to be twelve feet tall, with muscles the size of tree trunks. And when he smiled, little cartoon hearts appeared above my head and there was a strange tingling sensation in my pants.
NOTE: I officially nominate Judge Michael Sauer for President of the Entire Universe.
UPDATE: There’s conflicting reports about her sentence. She either has to serve out her reduced 23 days or her original 45 days depending on who you’re hearing it from.
UPDATE 2: The official word is that she has to serve out her original 45 day sentence, although that comes out to 23 days of actual jail time with good behavior (one day off for every day of good behavior). So she’s still going in for her original 45 day sentence, but will still only do 23 days (minus the 5 day credit) of actual jail time.
jakebarnes | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
wooooo hooooo
kirst | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I’m pretty sure she only has to serve out the remainder of her 23 day sentence, with a credit for 5 days served.
Don Mega | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Now they’ll take the paint off the bars. :-(
Michele | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
I love that judge! Get your skanky ass back to jail!!!
Kara | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Hahahaha
Aeva | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
::giggles and bounces:: It’s like Christmas and an orgasm all rolled into one!
will | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
First!
Also; Hahaha
Warden James | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Pick up the OMG HOTTEST Souvenir and help support my coke habit!
The authentic PARIS HILTON LA COUNTY PRISON T-SHIRT!
http://www.swearjarshirts.com
Jail is a difficult place for Prisoner # 9818783.
A place where “Fire Crotch” is a local correctional wine made with fermented oranges in a sweat sock, and “Tinkerbell”, well, “Tinkerbell” is whoever the 300lb bull dyke name Laverne wanted “Tinkerbell” to be.
Celebrate everyone’s favorite jail bird, the Nelson Mandela of LA County’s Aristobrats, in fine style.
silly judgey | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
come on get out all your angry bitter depraved little comments. probably the best thing you’ve heard all week
domingo flores | June 8, 2007 at 3:18 pm
HAhHAHAHAHAHAHAHA made my day
Sarah The One And Only | June 8, 2007 at 3:19 pm
that’s what she gets! no one likes her anyway… well except for the girls she’s gonna be with in prison. i’m sure they’re gonna like her A LOT!
Will | June 8, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Dammit! Not first, then. Still; hahaha!
mobilus | June 8, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Wow. Wakeup call.
(oh, and first)
RichPort | June 8, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Dragged out screaming…
(masturbating furiously..)
alittlegnat | June 8, 2007 at 3:20 pm
nice.
Dominique | June 8, 2007 at 3:20 pm
Yay!
I should bake a celebration cake.
On the plus side…if she has any conjugal visits, the jail could sell a new sex tape for a fundraiser.
KatieKates | June 8, 2007 at 3:22 pm
This judge fully rules.
MissPMS | June 8, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Listening to Shepard Smith’s re-enactment of “ITS NOT RIIIIIGHT” made my day.
There’s a group of big masculine lesbians at the L.A County Jail just waiting to get her hands on her…
Godfella | June 8, 2007 at 3:22 pm
YESSSSSS MYYY LIFEEE IS COMPLEEEETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Sheva | June 8, 2007 at 3:22 pm
That’s hot!
WowJustWow | June 8, 2007 at 3:22 pm
The female cop in the front seat is WAY hotter than Paris.
veggi | June 8, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Seriously, have a little composure and pride paris. It’s just jail. We’ve all been there. Uh, haven’t we?
Kristie | June 8, 2007 at 3:23 pm
I love #6′s comment!! hahah I am so happy now! :)
wells | June 8, 2007 at 3:23 pm
owned
daguz | June 8, 2007 at 3:24 pm
That really makes my day.
Summer Kat | June 8, 2007 at 3:24 pm
HAHAHA!!!! That is awesome!!!!!
adeliza | June 8, 2007 at 3:25 pm
All right all you ASS HOLES who made the comments yesterday about how you HATED the USA and how we have a screwed up justice system and that celebrities are favored because they have money: TAKE THIS AND F/O!!!
It was the stupid fucking sherrif who did this not this country. Every one over here was outraged at this. SO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RICHIE | June 8, 2007 at 3:25 pm
FUCK!!! THAT PICTURE IS GOLD!!! I used to be so pissed off that everyone pays attention to this stupid bitch… But now I’m starting to see the positive side of it. America isn’t such a hopeless piece of shit afterall.
Selina | June 8, 2007 at 3:25 pm
********SHE HAS TO SERVE THE ORIGINAL 45 DAYS*****
julius | June 8, 2007 at 3:25 pm
hamming it up for the cameras even now! later bitch!
Screaming Viking | June 8, 2007 at 3:26 pm
later Biatch! don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time
Fluffy Butt | June 8, 2007 at 3:26 pm
MOM, MOM, MOM … ‘get the checkbook’! ya skanky little whore.
Bern | June 8, 2007 at 3:26 pm
She does? Damn. I couldn’t do 45 days. She is dumb.
CJ | June 8, 2007 at 3:27 pm
22 – hey veggi, yeah, I’ve been there. Jesus, it’s not like the stupid bitch is going to die. Just bored, despondant and miserable like everyone else.
Hahahahahaha! Justice rocks!
shanipie | June 8, 2007 at 3:27 pm
GIRLIE, YOU’LL BE OK!!!
WE’LL GET THRU THIS 2GETHER!!! U R SO STRONG!!
I <3 U PARIS!!!!
bungoone | June 8, 2007 at 3:28 pm
HAHAHA these pictures replace the lindsey lohan passed out pictures at my favorite. these are priceless i say!
i wish i was that cop driving her just so i could tell her to stfu and then maybe hit her with the billy stick, just a little.
Stan Gable | June 8, 2007 at 3:28 pm
SOMEBODY GIVE THIS JUDGE A MEDAL! HE RULES. EAT A BAG PARIS. HAHAHA
Dre Dawg | June 8, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I love the justice system in this country. Stupid bimbo!
Fishstick | June 8, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Two words: awe.some.
#20: stole your link, couldnt help it. :)
Ross | June 8, 2007 at 3:28 pm
So there IS a god. Stupid spoilt rich cow finally learns money can’t buy her out of everything.
Kris | June 8, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Lmao. FINALLY their is justice.
Kurt Cobain | June 8, 2007 at 3:29 pm
That bitched deserved it!!!
Get your ass back in that jail cell Paris!
Victor | June 8, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Ohhhhhhh what a good day in the United States today, the stock market is back up, Paris Hilton is back in jail, and my dick won’t go down because too many damn hot ladies walking by my office. Lots of ladies that I would like to finger, and then drink the cum directly from their pussies.
Aeva | June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Does someone have the clip of her crying “MOOOOOM MOOOM”?
Judith | June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Oh, its like a dream come true! OH HAPPY DAY! JUSTICE IS SERVED!
bungoone | June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
why doesn’t it surprise me that shanipie is a Paris Hilton fan?
Kris | June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Whoops, I meant *there.
Mina | June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
YES! I’m so happy…
Love that judge.
funderpants.com | June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
wow. WOW!
you couldn’t script a better story. paris balwing her eyes out while screaming for mommy as she is dragged back to prison.
FUCK YEAH :)
lollie | June 8, 2007 at 3:30 pm
boo. hoo. hoo. What is all this free paris crap, she drove drunk and then under suspension several times. Puhleeze. Why SHOULDNT she go to jail????