Paris Hilton ordered back to jail

June 8th, 2007 // 369 Comments
paris-hilton-crying.jpg

Paris Hilton has been ordered back to jail in Lynwood and will serve out her original 45 day sentence with a credit for the 5 days she’s already served. Reporters say she was crying through the entire process and, when Judge Michael Sauer gave his decision, she let out a huge cry and said, “This isn’t right.” She was then physically dragged out of the courtroom by a female deputy, in tears, screaming, “Mom, Mom, Mom.”

Some witnesses say they saw a rainbow above the courtroom. And others say they saw a giant man in the clouds with a white beard nodding his head approvingly. And me? Well I saw Judge Michael Sauer grow to be twelve feet tall, with muscles the size of tree trunks. And when he smiled, little cartoon hearts appeared above my head and there was a strange tingling sensation in my pants.

NOTE: I officially nominate Judge Michael Sauer for President of the Entire Universe.

UPDATE: There’s conflicting reports about her sentence. She either has to serve out her reduced 23 days or her original 45 days depending on who you’re hearing it from.

UPDATE 2: The official word is that she has to serve out her original 45 day sentence, although that comes out to 23 days of actual jail time with good behavior (one day off for every day of good behavior). So she’s still going in for her original 45 day sentence, but will still only do 23 days (minus the 5 day credit) of actual jail time.

superficial

  1. jakebarnes

    wooooo hooooo

  2. kirst

    I’m pretty sure she only has to serve out the remainder of her 23 day sentence, with a credit for 5 days served.

  3. Don Mega

    Now they’ll take the paint off the bars. :-(

  4. Michele

    I love that judge! Get your skanky ass back to jail!!!

  5. Kara

    Hahahaha

  6. Aeva

    ::giggles and bounces:: It’s like Christmas and an orgasm all rolled into one!

  7. will

    First!

    Also; Hahaha

  8. Pick up the OMG HOTTEST Souvenir and help support my coke habit!

    The authentic PARIS HILTON LA COUNTY PRISON T-SHIRT!

    http://www.swearjarshirts.com

    Jail is a difficult place for Prisoner # 9818783.

    A place where “Fire Crotch” is a local correctional wine made with fermented oranges in a sweat sock, and “Tinkerbell”, well, “Tinkerbell” is whoever the 300lb bull dyke name Laverne wanted “Tinkerbell” to be.

    Celebrate everyone’s favorite jail bird, the Nelson Mandela of LA County’s Aristobrats, in fine style.

  9. silly judgey

    come on get out all your angry bitter depraved little comments. probably the best thing you’ve heard all week

  10. domingo flores

    HAhHAHAHAHAHAHAHA made my day

  11. Sarah The One And Only

    that’s what she gets! no one likes her anyway… well except for the girls she’s gonna be with in prison. i’m sure they’re gonna like her A LOT!

  12. Will

    Dammit! Not first, then. Still; hahaha!

  13. mobilus

    Wow. Wakeup call.

    (oh, and first)

  14. RichPort

    Dragged out screaming…

    (masturbating furiously..)

  15. alittlegnat

    nice.

  16. Dominique

    Yay!
    I should bake a celebration cake.
    On the plus side…if she has any conjugal visits, the jail could sell a new sex tape for a fundraiser.

  17. KatieKates

    This judge fully rules.

  18. MissPMS

    Listening to Shepard Smith’s re-enactment of “ITS NOT RIIIIIGHT” made my day.

    There’s a group of big masculine lesbians at the L.A County Jail just waiting to get her hands on her…

  19. Godfella

    YESSSSSS MYYY LIFEEE IS COMPLEEEETEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

  20. Sheva

    That’s hot!

  21. WowJustWow

    The female cop in the front seat is WAY hotter than Paris.

  22. veggi

    Seriously, have a little composure and pride paris. It’s just jail. We’ve all been there. Uh, haven’t we?

  23. Kristie

    I love #6′s comment!! hahah I am so happy now! :)

  24. wells

    owned

  25. daguz

    That really makes my day.

  26. Summer Kat

    HAHAHA!!!! That is awesome!!!!!

  27. adeliza

    All right all you ASS HOLES who made the comments yesterday about how you HATED the USA and how we have a screwed up justice system and that celebrities are favored because they have money: TAKE THIS AND F/O!!!
    It was the stupid fucking sherrif who did this not this country. Every one over here was outraged at this. SO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. RICHIE

    FUCK!!! THAT PICTURE IS GOLD!!! I used to be so pissed off that everyone pays attention to this stupid bitch… But now I’m starting to see the positive side of it. America isn’t such a hopeless piece of shit afterall.

  29. ********SHE HAS TO SERVE THE ORIGINAL 45 DAYS*****

  30. julius

    hamming it up for the cameras even now! later bitch!

  31. later Biatch! don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time

  32. Fluffy Butt

    MOM, MOM, MOM … ‘get the checkbook’! ya skanky little whore.

  33. She does? Damn. I couldn’t do 45 days. She is dumb.

  34. CJ

    22 – hey veggi, yeah, I’ve been there. Jesus, it’s not like the stupid bitch is going to die. Just bored, despondant and miserable like everyone else.

    Hahahahahaha! Justice rocks!

  35. shanipie

    GIRLIE, YOU’LL BE OK!!!
    WE’LL GET THRU THIS 2GETHER!!! U R SO STRONG!!
    I <3 U PARIS!!!!

  36. bungoone

    HAHAHA these pictures replace the lindsey lohan passed out pictures at my favorite. these are priceless i say!

    i wish i was that cop driving her just so i could tell her to stfu and then maybe hit her with the billy stick, just a little.

  37. Stan Gable

    SOMEBODY GIVE THIS JUDGE A MEDAL! HE RULES. EAT A BAG PARIS. HAHAHA

  38. Dre Dawg

    I love the justice system in this country. Stupid bimbo!

  39. Two words: awe.some.

    #20: stole your link, couldnt help it. :)

  40. Ross

    So there IS a god. Stupid spoilt rich cow finally learns money can’t buy her out of everything.

  41. Kris

    Lmao. FINALLY their is justice.

  42. Kurt Cobain

    That bitched deserved it!!!

    Get your ass back in that jail cell Paris!

  43. Victor

    Ohhhhhhh what a good day in the United States today, the stock market is back up, Paris Hilton is back in jail, and my dick won’t go down because too many damn hot ladies walking by my office. Lots of ladies that I would like to finger, and then drink the cum directly from their pussies.

  44. Aeva

    Does someone have the clip of her crying “MOOOOOM MOOOM”?

  45. Judith

    Oh, its like a dream come true! OH HAPPY DAY! JUSTICE IS SERVED!

  46. bungoone

    why doesn’t it surprise me that shanipie is a Paris Hilton fan?

  47. Kris

    Whoops, I meant *there.

  48. Mina

    YES! I’m so happy…

    Love that judge.

  49. wow. WOW!

    you couldn’t script a better story. paris balwing her eyes out while screaming for mommy as she is dragged back to prison.

    FUCK YEAH :)

  50. lollie

    boo. hoo. hoo. What is all this free paris crap, she drove drunk and then under suspension several times. Puhleeze. Why SHOULDNT she go to jail????

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