Paris Hilton confirmed to Ryan Seacrest today that the monogrammed rings worn by her and boyfriend Benji Madden are not an elaborate hoax for Ashton Kutcher’s Pop Fiction. She also shut down rumors that their relationship is also a joke for Ashton. But, don’t get me wrong, it’s still a joke in the most literal sense of the word. Us Magazine reports:
“He’s been my friend for a couple of years now, and we’re really happy,” gushed Hilton, who said Madden was by her side during the 8 a.m. telephone interview.
She said it was his idea to wear the matching ‘ BM’ and ‘PH’ rings. “That was a very special present I got,” Hilton said. “He’s really sweet.”
Wow, so Benji Madden is not only an idiot for sticking his midget wang in Paris’ death crotch, but he thinks wearing a ring with your girlfriend’s initial is cool. Legally, I think that’s grounds to feed him to a shark. Someone get Jabberjaw on the line. We’ve got work to do.
NOTE: You can scope out the audio here. The Superficial is not responsible for any cases of “crazy herp to the ears.”
frankin | March 14, 2008 at 3:10 pm
She is so gorgeous. But I am very cucious. Why did she post her profile on a celebrities and wealthy website named “meetingwealthy.com”.. What is she looking for there?
Alex | March 14, 2008 at 3:11 pm
First
Condom Man | March 14, 2008 at 3:13 pm
CONDOM MAN RECOMMENDS ALL READERS OF PARIS HILTON NEWS TO BE TESTED FOR GONORRHEA AND THE CLAP
dude | March 14, 2008 at 3:14 pm
One does not slip easily into Paris. It’s meaty gates are guarded by more than mere herpes. There is an evil there that does not sleep, and the Wonky Eye is ever watchful.
It is a cursed place where the very air you breathe is a sulphurous plume. Not with a thousand men could you part these beef curtains and live. It is folly.
Redhead | March 14, 2008 at 3:15 pm
How much do you have to pay for a ring that says “BM”? EVERYONE must want one. :P
Number Two | March 14, 2008 at 3:15 pm
BM? Seriously?
I mean, come on. BM?
Is anyone awake here?
Jabberjaw | March 14, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Wawawawawawat do you want asshole?
Lebowski | March 14, 2008 at 3:18 pm
That is so lame. I can’t wait until they start wearing matching outfits and finishing each other’s sentences. Then the merging of two douchebags into one megadouche will be complete.
Jabberjaw | March 14, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Nyuck nyuck…
Obama's pastor | March 14, 2008 at 3:20 pm
God damn America.
Missy | March 14, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I think she’s sexy. I heard that she went online to meet her rich match at http://www….oh fuck it, I am such a loser.
A fan | March 14, 2008 at 3:25 pm
.
http://carahurley.blogspot.com
Check HER out.
FRIST!!! | March 14, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I am cucious too..
And be careful, it may be contageous..
veggi | March 14, 2008 at 3:30 pm
@1 What is she looking for there? Oh, I KNOW! What a mystery!!
why does that crack me up so much??
HoHwPoV | March 14, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Seriously I need to end my Friday with something better than Paris and her shit ring … there has gotta be a better bit of something out there …
I’m sure there is another knocked up celebrity somewhere … anywhere … anything … please …
Triumph | March 14, 2008 at 3:32 pm
They look like a very nice young couple…for me to poop on!
mike | March 14, 2008 at 3:34 pm
“cucious”
Geez, Jimbo, if you needed money you should have asked, I would have helped you out. You don’t have to moonlight for these internet dating/virus sites.
Auntie Kryst | March 14, 2008 at 3:34 pm
@12 Fucking hell, Cara stop posting for your own fucking blog you sad sack. Teach your doll collection to write you, don’t bother everyone here.
Jimbo | March 14, 2008 at 3:39 pm
@17 You so funny mike. I hate to hurt your feeling, well not really, but I make more in a week than you make all month at your lowly admin job for the city..
me | March 14, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Mike=Goat fucker=loser
*cue mom joke from mike*
The Troll of Ript | March 14, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Listen Bunsmiths, Ript didn’t write that shit. Some maniacal fucking asshole with a pathological desire to rule a giant ant farm – the world’s largest – growing out of his anus – did.
A strong but unloved baby, it survived by feeding off the hatred of his parents and the insects that swarmed his filthy hole in the floor where he was left to dwell. It grew, this sexually ambiguous young Trolling, having stored the manifest energies of perversion and discord from his family’s disgust towards his pathetic existence. It grew and grew and did not stop growing. Greedily, it hobbled unnoticed amidst the environs of men, absorbing every profanity and disfiguration selfishly calling deformity and disease his art. Despising procreation for wasted energy, he devoured his own genitalia.
And then when he learned nothing and saw only shadows, he sequestered himself back in his hole and became…the worst Asshole on the Cyberplane…the Troll of Ript.
Like an eternal maggot that has eaten his host to dust, the repulsive worm (I) vanishes in the indignities of his own sorrow, shame, and ignorance. But lies in stasis…awaiting new flesh to devour…pungence…
me | March 14, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Mike, if you jumped off a bridge, would Deacon Jones jump off too? I sure hope so.
mike | March 14, 2008 at 3:43 pm
@12 Hey Cara do you put out? If I become a friend on your Myspace page will you have sex with me?
momo | March 14, 2008 at 3:45 pm
she is wayyyy doable.
Stupid, but doable,
roastbeef | March 14, 2008 at 3:46 pm
I kind of like her dress…
Jimbo | March 14, 2008 at 3:47 pm
@22 I don’t think deacon would jump. He is at a party with Steve-O and the rest of the Jackass group.
Randal | March 14, 2008 at 3:52 pm
It’s great to see Paris moving foward with her life and surrounding herself with a positive influence in Benji Madden. I knew from the start the rings were real and for those who thought otherwise, think again!
My best wishes go out to both of them.
pucky | March 14, 2008 at 3:54 pm
“so Benji Madden is not only an idiot for sticking his midget wang in Paris’ death crotch”
QUOTE OF THE DAY!
sarah | March 14, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I LOVE THAT DRESS!!!
anyone have any info on it?
Jumbo | March 14, 2008 at 3:56 pm
@19 – the week after the crack addicts get their gov’t checks is always a busy week for you, isn’t it?
mike | March 14, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Really, Jimbo? That’s impressive. You should post your profile on a celebrities and wealthy website named “vulamoundmingle.co m”…I heard there are lots of wealthy bicucious people there.
Jimbo | March 14, 2008 at 4:04 pm
@31 But have you found any that like goats too? It sounds like you spend a lot of time out there. What is the problem? Your wife will not have sex with you since she found out you were doing the goat?
Attonio | March 14, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Good for them! They’re a nice, compatible couple, I think. She gives ATM. And so does he. Definitely will need a nice bowl of mints near the bed…
mike | March 14, 2008 at 4:10 pm
No, Jimbo, it’s not that. I made the mistake of showing her that picture you sent me, the one with you…well, you know. She did this silent scream, and I heard a series of tiny squeaking noises and the next thing I knew, every one of her orifices had instinctively closed. So yeah, no sex. It’s been pretty baaaaaaad.
shanipie | March 14, 2008 at 4:16 pm
So Paris Hilton likes Bowel Movements…
I think we all enjoy a good bowel movement now and again, I wouldn’t go so far as to get a ring announcing how much I truely loved Bowel Movements. But Hey rich people IS crazy like that sometimes folks.
Oh wait…your saying that BM actually stands for Benji Madden?
Well, Benji Madden, Bowel Movement…there isn’t a huge difference there I guess.
shanipie | March 14, 2008 at 4:16 pm
So Paris Hilton likes Bowel Movements…
I think we all enjoy a good bowel movement now and again, I wouldn’t go so far as to get a ring announcing how much I truely loved Bowel Movements. But Hey rich people IS crazy like that sometimes folks.
Oh wait…your saying that BM actually stands for Benji Madden?
Well, Benji Madden, Bowel Movement…there isn’t a huge difference there I guess.
odd | March 14, 2008 at 4:20 pm
the bowel movement comment has the runs
Jimbo | March 14, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Mike, you mean the one of me taking the picture of you humping the goat? That is the only picture I remember sending you..
shanipie | March 14, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Damn annoying website
Jimbo | March 14, 2008 at 4:25 pm
And Mike, is “baaaaaaad” something you got from your goat??
mike | March 14, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Yes, “baaaaaaad” would be the goat joke part. Thank you.
Tapeworm | March 14, 2008 at 4:29 pm
So where do you find the bigger pussy? Inside Benji Madden’s skin, or between Paris Hilton’s legs?
TA-DUM DUM!
THANK YOU.
I’ll be here all week.
Jimbo | March 14, 2008 at 4:30 pm
@41 Your welcome Mike and tell your wife I will see her tomorrow at usual place..
mike | March 14, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Jimbo, she said she doesn’t want to meet you at a men-only gym anymore. Something about your face looking like a glazed donut. Me, I don’t judge.
HuckyDucky | March 14, 2008 at 4:41 pm
ROFLMMFAOWYMW about Jabber Jaw.
While you have him on the phone, ask him to bring the guy that starts every sentence with “ABABABABABABAB”.
HuckyDucky | March 14, 2008 at 4:43 pm
They call him Jabber-Jabber-Jabber,
Jabber-Jabber-Jabber Jaw.
HuckyDucky | March 14, 2008 at 4:45 pm
I saw shark with Curly’s voice on webhitsforchinesedouche.com. What he doing there? I am very curious.
quiet at work | March 14, 2008 at 5:04 pm
you know, I really think Bowel Movement and Preparation H make for a nice combo….
El Ces | March 14, 2008 at 7:03 pm
Hey, nice!
I dunno if it’s the outfit, or new skin treatment, but she is looking clean.
She shave off a few pounds since January?
jstunnah | March 14, 2008 at 9:12 pm
i really hate these two together. esp. since nicole richie has a baby w/ benjis twin brother. theyre annoying.