There’s all sorts of wild reports coming in about Paris Hilton’s stay in prison. One friend claims the first time she was at the Century Regional Detention Facility “she had to use a sock as a scrunchy because her hair extensions got tangled.” Another report (and I hope to God this is true) claims Paris didn’t eat or drink for three days because she was afraid a prison guard might take her picture while she was on the toilet. A source tells the NY Daily News:
“She was absolutely terrified that one of the guards or staffers would get her with the cell-phone cam and it would wind up on the Internet,” a Hilton insider said yesterday. “She didn’t eat or drink a single thing for three days because she didn’t want to use the toilet. She was in real danger. She cried the entire time, and that wasn’t helping the dehydration.”
And this, my friends, is the woman who’s tired of pretending to be dumb. I can’t even imagine what’s going on in that brain of hers. If you x-rayed her head you’d see a kitten pawing at a ball of yarn. She’s like a child. By the time she’s released she’s going to be caught trying to dig her way out with a spoon.
steve | June 11, 2007 at 1:14 pm
FIrst!!?
cockson | June 11, 2007 at 1:14 pm
FOIST!
American Public | June 11, 2007 at 1:15 pm
She’s back!
Thanks, mommy!
cockson | June 11, 2007 at 1:15 pm
FUCK!
cockson | June 11, 2007 at 1:15 pm
FUCK!
jessie | June 11, 2007 at 1:15 pm
she needs to go away now.
jessie | June 11, 2007 at 1:15 pm
she needs to go away now.
Laura Ann | June 11, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Like anyone hasn’t seen her vag anyway
getyourhandoutofmycat | June 11, 2007 at 1:16 pm
Does this mean she wouldnt be showering as well? I’m glad i’m nowhere near this bitch she’d be starting to bloat and pong by now…
Fifth Stooge | June 11, 2007 at 1:16 pm
That’s quite enough about Paris FUCKING Hilton.
Spindoc | June 11, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Oh PLEASE, I have two things to say about this…
1. PAris, everybody has already seen a HELL of a lot more of your body then they would see in some picture of you on the toilet. Try wearing some underwear or better yet don’t make a sex tape if you’re truly as shy as you are pretending.
2. Put a Blanket over your head when you’re on the toilet you dumb skank. Sheesh,
Guy | June 11, 2007 at 1:25 pm
Why don’t you save up all these boring news snippets so you can blast us in one go?
lickmybutt | June 11, 2007 at 1:25 pm
SUPEFISH:
when attempting to make fun of someones intelligence, its good to have a good perspective on your own.
SHE IS IN A DETENTION CENTER, not prison.
fuckin idiots.
asscrack | June 11, 2007 at 1:32 pm
great picture, taste my pain bitch!!
p911gt10c | June 11, 2007 at 1:33 pm
For a girl who became famous by sucking cock and taking it on video, it’s strange she’d be embarrased by pics of her peeing.
havoc | June 11, 2007 at 1:34 pm
We’ve all seen video of her talking on her cell phone while getting her cootch pounded.
What’s the big deal about sitting on a toilet?
Audio of the “ker plunk”?
.
Parrish | June 11, 2007 at 1:34 pm
it’s funny that when someone makes a mistake about paris hilton, a hilton expert will come in and call you a fuckin idiot.
toilet | June 11, 2007 at 1:37 pm
THAT’S HOT!!!!
Chris Brennan | June 11, 2007 at 1:37 pm
I posted an astrological analysis of Paris’ chart on my site if anyone is interested. It isn’t as hilarious as the Superficial, but interesting nonetheless.
http://apotelesmatics.com/2007/06/08/the-astrology-of-paris-hiltons-return-to-jail-mercury-retrograde-strikes-again/
lickmybutt | June 11, 2007 at 1:38 pm
Superfish,
you forgot to remove the other “prison” in the first part of the article
Texas Tranny | June 11, 2007 at 1:39 pm
She could always pee on me, I’d like that. I’m sure some pervert out there would let her shit on them also. Or better yet, she could shit and piss her pretty panties and then sell them on eBay.
shanipie | June 11, 2007 at 1:39 pm
Damn that really sux. I mean I would of course use a blanket or something to cover myself but when you think about it…I think thats one nof the worst parts of being in jail. Having to poop in front of a bunch of people…how horrible.
I would cry just knowing I had to do that…that and being around a bunch of scarey stinky butch women who are looking for a fight.
Nah the pooping thing still is worse.
Jenna | June 11, 2007 at 1:43 pm
Boohoohoo poor Paris is being treated like a regular human being
shels | June 11, 2007 at 1:47 pm
so what about all the times we’ve seen her with no underwear?? has she suddenly become shy???
Bern | June 11, 2007 at 1:48 pm
That is a genius plan … for dying.
Why am I not getting tired of this story?
NicotineEyePatch | June 11, 2007 at 1:49 pm
It’s one thing to fuck in front of the whole world, it’s another to make doodie in front of some security guards…?
We all know she has no fuckin’ dignity. She just won’t make any MONEY off the photos, is probably what she’s afraid of.
GreenerGrass | June 11, 2007 at 1:49 pm
All this because the Hiltons were too cheap to hire drivers. In the Indian Sub-continent noone ever goes to jail for drunk driving. The angry crowd just pulls the rich person’s driver out of the car, burns him, and everyone gets back to work. Rich man loses his high pretty quick though (bummer).
Paris should try the system.
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 1:50 pm
I am afraid to use the bathroom too. But only because un-sheathing my monster-sized cock can actually affect the rotation of the earth, causing massive tsunami’s and causing the stock market to surge by 200+ points.
It’s a fact, you can look it up:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weasel_war_dance
bilbob | June 11, 2007 at 1:50 pm
I don’t think it’s so much the picture being taken. It’s more that she probably wouldn’t get paid for it.
There Are Worse Things Than Jail | June 11, 2007 at 1:51 pm
shanipie, you’d better get yourself ready. With your hatred towards some people and judgment that some people have the most sin, you are probably already condemed to hell, which is far worse and much longer than pooping in front of a bunch of people.
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 1:52 pm
#24 has a good point. I have seen Paris with a penis in her mouth. In fact, with a number of penis’s (Penises? Penii?) in her mouth.
So seeing a grainy 1:2 ratio cellphone photo of her on a metal shitter wouldn’t do much for me.
bilbob | June 11, 2007 at 1:52 pm
I have to admit, taking a dump in front of others would suck. Isn’t in solitary though?
Chauncey Gardner | June 11, 2007 at 1:53 pm
I already saw a picture of Paris taking a piss. It’s one of those pics that were released months ago, supposedly with her okay. Oh, and I saw her suck a dick. Why’s she getting shy now?
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 1:57 pm
#30 – Shanipie – it’s ok. You and I can carpool to hell.
djthecat | June 11, 2007 at 1:58 pm
I gotta say, this makes me feel a little better about her. It is nice that she can follow through with something. I am impressed that she is coherent enough to know that if she eats and drinks, she will have to potty. I think the fear of a photo of her pooping is a pretty reasonable fear.
shanipie | June 11, 2007 at 1:58 pm
omg, my kid just said “mommy, poop-ed”
IT WAS SOOOOO CUTE!!!!!!!!
I’m the best mom ever.
~*Creationism*~
RoboHobo | June 11, 2007 at 1:59 pm
@25 Why am I not getting tired of the massive boobs on your blog?
Brilliant
Victor | June 11, 2007 at 2:01 pm
I agree everybody has seen her pussy, tits, ass, long legs, everything. But I haven’t seen her shit or piss before. I wouldn’t mind watching it. So she better go the shitter fast, so some guard can get video, so I can watch.
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Creationism is not the alternative to Evolution, ignorance is.
JungleRed | June 11, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Afraid to use the toilet? Bitch, plese! It’s everyone who would need to use that toilet AFTER you that should be terrified.
www.lasnite.com | June 11, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Lol….!@#!@#
conor | June 11, 2007 at 2:08 pm
This isn’t fair anymore. Leave her alone. Move on to the next hollywood drama. Im not saying she is a saint and we should bow down to her. But at the end of the day she is only a 20-something girl that is going to prision and is very scared so is doing everything she can to try and get out of it. Its sad, yes, but understandable also.
Think how’d you feel if you were pictured crying your eyes out on every paper in the fucking world.
Shut Up Shanipie | June 11, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Shanipie, I can’t believe you’re so proud that your kid said poop. You made the rest of us, Creationism believers, look even dumber.
Angry Ferret Jones | June 11, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Creationists: People who watch The Flintstone and think it’s a documentary.
Spindoc | June 11, 2007 at 2:10 pm
#40 JungleRed
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FREAKFLAG | June 11, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Awwww. Poor little heiress.
veggi | June 11, 2007 at 2:12 pm
god curses poopers, paris.
ParisInJail | June 11, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Haha @ Paris pretending not to be stupid. Go to my website and vote if you think she should be released. At the moment like 93% want her to stay.
PunjabPete | June 11, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Rolled right past Smartsville and is heading straight into Geniustowne….
Wow…
Ruby | June 11, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Oh, shut the fuck up, conor. This broad deserves everything she gets.