Paris Hilton’s Brother Went Completely Apeshit On A Plane

Paris Hilton’s breasts have been on point lately which is a completely relevant and comprehensive introduction to this post, and I won’t hear otherwise. Not from the likes of you. TMZ reports:

Paris Hilton’s younger brother Conrad Hilton was just arrested in L.A. for allegedly going insane on an international flight back in July … and getting violent with flight attendants … TMZ has learned.
According to officials, multiple witnesses on the plane say the 20-year-old went berserk on a flight from London to L.A. … and began screaming and threatening flight attendants.
According to witnesses, Conrad was heard yelling the following things during his meltdown:
— “If you wanna square up to me bro, then bring it and I will f*cking fight you.”
— “I am going to f*cking kill you.”
— “I will f*cking rip through you.”
— “I will f*cking own anyone on this flight; they are f*cking peasants.”
Witnesses say … at one point during the flight, Conrad was ferociously punching the bulkhead of the plane … 10 centimeters from a flight attendant’s face.

That loud “TWANG!” you just heard was Gwyneth Paltrow’s clitoris breaking free of its artisanal steam pashmina. As for how this happened in July yet nobody heard about it or anything was done until seven months later, maybe this will shed some light:

At one point, Conrad fell asleep … and the captain authorized crew members to restrain him to his seat for the descent. Conrad was ultimately handcuffed to his seat.
Witnesses told officials Conrad grabbed a flight attendant’s shirt and said, “I could get you all fired in 5 minutes. I know your boss! My father will pay this out. He has done it before. Dad paid $300k last time.”

And he’s right because Robert Shapiro – yup, that Robert Shapiro – is his lawyer now and has a perfectly logical explanation for all of this:

Conrad told feds he had taken a sleeping pill before boarding the plane … which his attorney Robert Shapiro says could have caused the outburst.

In fairness, 19 out of the 19 9/11 hijackers did take Unisom before the flight. It’s true. OPEN YOUR EYES, #SHEEPLE.

Photo: Splash News