Paris Hilton Working on a New Album for Next Year

“… and when my new album comes out, I’ll fly you to the release party!”

**Little girl has a brief Terminator moment with the pillow, will she use it to save the human race?**

Because we live in a future that hates itself, Paris Hilton is about to come back with a new album to follow-up her 2006 debut that included the gouge-your-eyes-out single, “Stars Are Blind.”According to her, this one’s going to be more “electronic” than the last one because she’s a DJ now and reggae-pop is soooo early 2000s. TIME interviewed Paris while in Ibiza and I learned two things: “Stars Are Blind” peaked at No. 18 on Billboard and Paris Hilton is the highest-paid female DJ in the world… You hear that, Kim Dong? Hit us up, we’re ready.

In case you’ve never seen what a Paris Hilton DJ set looks like, here’s a little taste.

As for her new album, she hasn’t given much in terms of what’s on it beyond naming “Katie Perry, DJ Chuckie, Michael Jackson, and Madonna” as her biggest influences. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that there will be at least one love ballad for her manservant/boyfriend, who supposedly hasn’t been apart from her for longer than three hours in the past two years. They are basically what Ariel Winter and that other guy will be in ten years.

**checks news and sees Ariel Winter is thinking about recording an album too**

 

Goddamnit…

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