Paris Hilton Still Sucks Huge Ones

June 6th, 2011 // 52 Comments

Just in case anyone was wondering whether Paris Hilton is still a self-absorbed, over-entitled bag of herpes with absolutely zero redeeming qualities, the answer is yes. Yes, she is. And apparently she decided to make that abundantly clear to the staff of The View after Barbara Walters called her on her shit, according to Page Six:

Walters criticized Hilton for complaining in the first episode about her 200 hours of community service. She also questioned Hilton’s claims of doing charity work and her desire to help other female prisoners — neither of which is seen on the Oxygen show. Walters asked, “Why not present that side of yourself, if indeed it exists?”
Afterward and off-camera, both Paris and her father, Rick, berated a “View” producer, upset at the tone of the interview. A rep for the show confirmed the incident. Hilton’s rep had no comment.

Yes, clearly, these producers should have given Paris Hilton, superstar, a proper reception. We’re talking about a powerhouse of talent whose new reality show brought in less viewers than Aubrey O’Day whose only claim to fame right now is having a ham-shaped vagina, so show a little respect, people. Popeater reports:

“Paris’ second season on that MTV show where she found a new friend was a disaster and she hasn’t been able to sell a magazine cover since the Kardashians arrived,” a TV insider tells me. “If the numbers remain less than the 400,000 that tuned in last week she could get pulled off the air.”
By comparison, the March debut of singer Aubrey O’Day’s show drew 724,000, and 1.7 million viewers tuned in for the premiere of the most recent installment of ‘The Bad Girls Club.’
“This could be the last nail in the coffin,” a senior marketing manager tells me. “She has been replaced by Teen Moms and Snooki. She would have been better off not doing a new reality show at all then doing one that proves no one cares.”

Did anyone else jump up and down and squeal after reading “last nail in the coffin?” Uh, yeah, me neither. *crushes beer can on forehead* I don’t even know what a Jon Hamm is! WOOT WOOT WOOT!

Photos: Splash News


  1. Cock Dr

    If the SW would quit posting bits on Ms Herpes it would also help establish that her much extended 15 minutes are up.
    How about it?

  2. Clarence Beeks

    hahahahahahah- there is no better punishment for this woman than to be called out on her BULLSHIT LIES, and then be IGNORED.

  3. Unimate

    Was hoping for news of a new sex tape. I’m leaving disappointed.

  4. Abby Normal

    Fish, you should win a Pulitzer for the sentence, “Aubrey O’Day who’s only claim to fame right now is having a ham-shaped vagina.” Hell, lets throw in a Nobel while we’re at it. What do you mean they don’t award a prize for Best Ham Analogy?

  5. Any Guy

    what’s up with the wonky eye? it looks worse than ever, ‘coke eye’? I’d bet YES. OH PLEASE ‘last nail’, come quick. then concentrate on the Kuntdashians.

    • bob loblaw

      “Last nail!?” Dark, but I like it!

      I was in Jacksonville FL one weekend, when the grand opening of one of her shithole clubs was going on. This was summer ’06 when she thought she was untouchable. She didn’t bother to show up for opening night – and they were obviously ready for her, with red carpet and spotlights…it made the local news. We all thought it was pretty funny at the time, since whatever suckers invested in such a stupid venture had to be pissed…and it closed in ’07. [in Nelson voice] heh-hehhh!!!
      Just thought I’d share…

  6. paris pretty much embodies all the negative stereotypes that writers like d.h. lawrence conveyed of the rich, down to the language (useless fucking cunt)

  7. TomFrank

    Unfortunately, this will most likely drive Paris to do more outrageous stunts, because Ms. Attention Whore simply won’t go away quietly.

    Only time can tell what Paris will come up with to try to return to relevancy. Will she flash her cunny again? Say something racist again, only this time into a microphone? Contract HIV and knowingly spread it? Seduce a former governor? (I can think of at least three who could succumb.)

    Okay, okay…I’ll stop giving her ideas.


    just in time for the lockout.. :P

  9. What do you call an attention whore nobody pays attention to anymore? A whore. Because I’m good at the maths.

  10. The guy behind her looks like he is just waiting for the paps to leave so he can kidnap her. I wonder if she paid by the hour?

  11. yawn

    i think she’s pretty cool.. she gave a pretty decent blowjob.. on camera.. with cum shot.. every time ive seen her on camera she looks pretty fuckin relaxed.. just trying to make a buck.. i bet she doesnt sleep around half as much as most of you WANT to.

    • Pippy Longcockings

      Funny, that’s what your Mom said when she sucked my cock. That she was only trying to make a buck, which is all I paid her cause her blowjob sucked and she wouldn’t let me cum in her mouth. Whore.

    • Dr Ha-Ha

      If there’s 1 thing I’ll say on Paris’ behalf – and it doesn’t come easy – it’s that her mother is at the root of most all her evils. Whatever negative personal qualities she carries within her, her mother was a set-up to exaggerate them to their narcissistic fullest. Her mother hasn’t raised a daughter, she has without reservation raised a vessel she can live through vicariously.

  12. Lily

    I’m sick to death of her and the K clan. Die already. Literally

  13. FruitLoop

    Good to know that there’s a saturation point for shows about worthless assholes. I guess people can only stand a handfull of shows about bitchy women complaining about how outraged they are the maids folded the napkins wrong for tonights dinner.

  14. Clarence Beeks

    She’s got that horrible nasal monotone voice when she is trying to act grown up, and still uses the baby voice when trying to be sexy. She is awful. Opie and Anthony ripped her to shreds. Was awesome!

  15. LJ

    I think these picture of the tranny Paris Hilton impersonator are pretty good.

  16. CptCreep

    Any thoughts to her next “accidental” movie title is?

    I’m going with:

    6 Black Guys Invade Paris

    Subtle, I know…

  17. kara

    WHOSE, fish, WHOSE! not “who’s”

  18. “I’m Barbara Walters, bitch, you come on my show, I’ll ask you whatever the fuck I want.”

  19. paris hilton is a huge loser

    she’s miserable on her how. what she doesn’t realize is that no one wants to be her or her life. no one is jealous. your life is empty and fake. you dont know love, real respect, or anything genuinely compassioante, which is really what makes life fulfilling.

    ‘That’s huge.’ Your herpes sore, yes.

  20. The fact that Paris was never even nominated for an AVN award is a travesty. To not be recognized for your life’s major work is hurtful.

  21. oh i know

    “ham shaped vagina”…LMAO!!!!

  22. Paris Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    No redeeming qualities? I disagree.
    She sponsors a MotoGP race team and her boy Maverick Vinales has been on the podium the last two races at age sixteen. His win at Le Mans made him the third youngest Grand Prix winner in history.
    I think that she is brilliant in putting together a team and having this kid on board.

  23. Venom

    Here is hoping Paris, the Kardashians and the cast of the Jersey Shore decide to take a plane ride together and the pilot is a hero and flies it straight into the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

    • The Critical Crassness

      No offense Venom, but why ruin the scenic beauty of the Grand Canyon by littering it with trash like that…send it to Afghanistan and put it in the Tora Bora Cave area or somewhere close to the frontier with Pakistan.After all, that part of the world is already filled with “trash”.

  24. tlmck

    It’s all good. She still has that wonderful career as a party favor.

  25. Ari Ola

    She can suck my lollipop anytime.

    Wonder how many psi’s (pounds per square inch of suction) she pulls?

    • The Critical Crassness

      -2 psi is about all she can manage because she can’t keep her mouth closed long enough to build up any pressure. And, yes that did say negative 2.

  26. Vichus Smith

    I’m glad people are off the Paris bandwagon. She’s living up to the snobby rich girl stereotype, rather than being cool about being famous for NO REASON. Now she wants to be coddled and left alone? Fuck her!

  27. Paris Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    also she’s hot as fuck and sucks a mean cock, so there’s that

  28. At this point, she’s going to have to pay to have someone film her having sex.

  29. josh

    I wonder if she cries at night thinking about the kardashians. At first kim was her bff out of a line of 50 others beforehand, but then BOOM sextape and BOOM highest rating reality show ever. She really did bring about her own demise.

  30. the captain

    ….and the ones who suffer HERPES.

  31. welldoneson

    Heck, she could make millions sucking cock ON FILM.

  32. Paris Hilton
    Commented on this photo:

    Raise your had if you are irrelevant.

  33. rene

    OM God talking about kicking a hurt dog when their down you people take the cake. And watch out you are spewing hateraid all over the place. Do you serve towels wit your showers, . Paris is alright.

  34. Wyoming

    Coke head is right. Wonder why she wears contacts? A: Contacts hide the size if the pupil when dilated. Money cannot buy dignity.

  35. Russ Collins WSJ

    I think she is cute. My wife looks like a fat old seal.

Leave A Comment